The other night I (F24) hooked up with someone I met at a music event (not the best idea, I know). We were both under the influence (I was on ecstacy, he was drunk). From what I remember, his penis had pressed against my anus a number of times, and I would object. However, one time, his penis fully penetrated my anus. I said no straight away and told him that it wasn’t OK. He was instantly apologetic and said it was an accident. His reaction seemed believable, besides he did seem quite clumsy at sex (he kept slipping out an unusual amount of times). However, I believe that not long after, he pressed his penis against my anus again. I tried to clarify my boundary with him (English was not his first language). He asked if he could “finish” inside my ass and also asked why I didn’t like anal. I said that I wasn’t prepared for it and we had only just met. He said that he understood. He did, however, keep trying to finger my anus, which I also wasn’t comfortable with so I would try to take his hand away. I should have said “no” more explicitly to the fingering, though.
I felt pretty gross about the encounter and a little violated. I am not saying it was assault as the full penetration did seem like a drunken accident, but it still seemed like my boundaries were not respected throughout. I sort of blame myself for sleeping with a stranger intoxicated and for not being firmer. I also wonder if language barriers/cultural differences played a part. I am just wondering about outside perspectives.
42 comments
He did it on purpose.
Absolutely not common. I’m sure accidental anal penetration has happened here and there but it’s pretty clear from your account that he was obsessed with getting up in that butt and was trying all the tricks. Steer clear of that guy.
Don’t blame yourself. You said no, you stated your boundaries and he repeatedly violated them.
Accidents do happen, but this clearly wasn’t one.
Once is an accident. Multiple times is intentional.
Accidental anal isn’t super common, but it does happen.
But this clearly was no accident. He was trying to pressure you into allowing it. This isn’t a culture thing, he’s an asshole.
In a word: no, accidental anal is not likely. The physical differences (lube, tightness, etc) are obvious.
Anyone who says they accidentally did a multi-step sex act that requires a very specific force and angle is either lying or has a debilitating self-control problem.
His repeated attempts and questions about anal show, IMHO, an intent to go through with it.
You did a great job of communicating your consent and boundaries. Be confident in that and continue to stand up for yourself š
That sounds fully intentional to me
Iāve drunkenly poked the wrong hole before but not as much as he did in one sitting, and not all the way in. And the fact that he kept asking for the butt after his repeated āaccidentsā tells us that he definitely intended to go into the butt. And fingers donāt make that same accident, even when drunk. That guys a scumbag, donāt blame yourself for trying to have fun
A slicked-up dick in the heat of the moment could go the wrong way but in that case the guy would apologize profusely and be super careful not to have it happen again. This guy foreshadowed what he was going to do and then tried to convince you to let him do it later.
considering his continued unwillingness to take “no” as an answer to his various attempts at anal penetration, I would say that there were no accidents regarding his attempts to anally penetrate you. He knew what he was doing. There is no doubt. He simply was not willing to take “no” for an answer.
I have accidentally pressed against a woman’s butthole before while making out and she was laying on her stomach, but it would have taken intention to penetrate the butt.
First time? Maybe an accident. Absolutely NOT an accident when he kept trying it.
Definitely sounds like a boy who watches too much porn and thinks the ass and vagina are pretty interchangeable and doesn’t need much prep at all because the girls in porn do it no problem.
the dude absolutely on purpose was trying to stick it in your ass. use your head.. he asked to cum in there… he semi complained that you dont like anal. … he kept trying to put it there…
dont blame yourself but next time dont let it continue if you’ve set boundaries that arent respected
He was being coercive and repeatedly trying to push your boundaries despite you saying no.
I donāt believe for a second that any part of this was an accident.
Iām sorry this happened to you.
From my [33M] perspective Iāve found there are a few types of guys who like anal.
This gross coercive pusher type is a big one to watch out for.
The guys who tend to actually get some are the ones who you trust. I wouldnāt trust this dude for one second and Iād advise you steer clear of him.
I don’t know about it being an accident, but being drunk can make one do really stupid stuff.
Why are you blaming yourself? That fucking guy was assaulting you, for sure.
hit the wrong hole about 4 times in a 40-year marriage
Sometimes my bf will tap my butthole when heās inserting his penis if heās not directly looking at it. But even at his most sloppy & ācarelessā, heās never even gotten close to penetrating. This guy was being a POS and trying to push you into something you didnāt want.
No it wasnāt an accident
this whole story basically sounds like my high school boyfriend. from wanting to finish in my butt, to always trying to finger it. when i saw accidental in the title, i thought you meant like when it slips out and goes in the ass and that has happened a few times and is like the most painful thing
Brushed up several times in my life, and one oops slip in the butt while girlfriend was bouncing cowgirl. After 20+ years of sex. And a hand saying no to anal fingering is a very clear sign.. So sounds like this guy is a POS trying to score some non-consensual anal.
I’ve been lined up on the wrong hole In doggy. It never slipped in and I never applied pressure!
This was no accident. It has happened to me before, when I told him he was wrong he made sure it would not happen again, and those were different, usually dominant men.
This guy wanted anal and hoped you’d change your mind.
It can happen, rarely, slightly easier, but still rarely, if the girls and guys anatomy and wetness is optimal.
But we’re still talking very rarely.
I have slipped and anal is not my thing. That said, it is clearly not an accident based on what you described.
2 biggest lies: “I’ll only put the head in.” and “I won’t cum in your mouth.”
Maybe after the second “mistake” call it off?
First of all, don’t blame yourself. He disrespected you, your boundaries. Stranger or not, under the influence or not, no means no and anyone worth your time would respect that.
It does seem that he was intentionally pushing for it, which isn’t okay at all. I’d assume as it was spur of the moment hook up, you won’t be seeing him again and that’s definitely a good idea. Steer clear of those who don’t respect you.
Can someone help me on this, how does a dick accidentally go into an ass? I understand poking it but HOW does it possibly go inside? The hole is too small and tight, you’d have to really force it in…
āOnce is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy actionā
ā Ian Fleming
possible? sure. when i was young and eager, it happened to me (she actually liked it, so yay me?) but this was no accident… multiple attempts despite requests not to? that was deliberate.
It can be accidental but obviously not n this case. I would have stopped sex way sooner
It’s happened to me, but I stopped pretty immediately afterwards because it was… You know… Accidental.
If they do it by accident and keep going… That’s a different thing
It takes some effort to give a girl anal. I donāt see how accidental anal is even possible. Iām sure it happens, but is probably rare.
Sounds very purposeful. The fact that he tried to convince you also alludes to him being very much aware of his actions.
Follow-up question: once he had gone into your ass, did you make him wash his penis before he went back into your vagina? If not, please make any future visitors of those areas do this. Say no to e-coli.
I mean, accidentally on purpose seems a lot more like what happened here.
It’s possible to poke the wrong hole on accident, with enough lube it’s possible to penetrate slightly.
But you notice pretty quickly, and hitting it multiple times then oopsing the wrong hole like that seems fairly intentional.
Doesn’t sound like an accident to me, at all. He knew what he was doing.
Been with my wife for 13 years and not a single time have I actually accidently penetrated her ass. There has been some slips where it almost happens, but those are few and FAR between.
Nothing about this seems like an accident.
Accidental anal happens, but that wasn’t an accident.
Really accidental anal usually involves very vigorous sex with hip movements from both partners, and an abundance of lubrication.
Something like: going at it doggy style after he’s covered her ass in oil (because it looks so ASTOUNDING when it is all shiny), and she is really getting off, rubbing her clit at the same time, she starts slamming back as she is orgasming, but she gets a little out of rhythm, pulls off him without realizing, then slams back, and he slips off her taint right up to the back door, and all the excess lube and being in the middle of an intense orgasm relaxes her JUST enough for it to pop in.
Still calls for an immediate stop! Apologize, and cleanup. Remember, its always HIS fault, no matter what REALLY happened.
Thats what an actual accident looks like.
Never once have I had a partner who didn’t bother me about doing it “accidentally” do it. Its on purpose.
Married 22 years. Not even once.
Once. My partner was in cowgirl. She was bouncing up and down and she came down…. hard. No warmup, she had never done anal. I’m a little wider than usual… she screamed. Then cried. Bad night. Yes. It happens. But man… never more than once.