Men who are the avoidant partner in this scenario (whether or not you’re currently in a relationship. How do you want to be treated in a relationship? I’m anxious attachment so the two does not hand in hand. I really want to be there and care for my partner in a way that will allow him to have his own space but also not pull away every time our relationship is about to go further.
For context, we are in a LDR so space is already given and probably more than what’s required..
6 comments
Do you think you are compatible in the long run? You know all the stuff about different lobe languages etc. If you are too different it is unlike of you really happy
Get into a relationship with someone your compatible with
Communicate what you both need in a relationship and what is considered “okay” by both your standards. Know when you see red flags and don’t dismiss them. Being avoidant is one thing, but not putting in the effort is another. Know what you need in a relationship, and do not let your partner do less. If your partner cannot agree to something respectable, then it might be a good idea to find someone else.
Avoidant doesn’t necessarily mean unaffectionate or unwilling to commit. My wife has avoidant personality disorder and in many respects it’s meant the opposite of that. She find it hard to do anything difficult, finds it hard to work, finds it hard to think about her financial future and finds it hard to deal with officialdom.
She’s extremely affectionate though, if anything her relationship with me has lead to dependency because she can use our relationship and my ability to do the things she finds hard to avoid having to do them anymore. (Something I resist where I can).
Your bf sounds more like he’s commitment shy or some such. Something which has become more common in men in the last 20-30 years.
While LDR can work, it can be tough. If the two of think the relationship is actually going somewhere you should be actively be planning to get closer to each other (distance) in the near future. Otherwise, it’s probably best to just move on and find someone more compatible near you. It sounds like the LDR plus the avoidant issue is too much work. I’m sure there are great guys closer to home that would be a better fit.
By not having such relationships.