Basically there is a business that is offering someone to paint their building “for exposure” which is fine if you are just trying to make a name for yourself before starting a mural business. Which my friend is.
But here is the thing, he wants me to help him but isn’t going to pay me for the help he wants and I don’t want to spend a ton of time on something for free like he does. Normally when I help him with murals, he pays me for my time. Usually around 100$ a day and I only help occasionally but it does take days when it comes to murals we Collab on.
I have other employment, but I also sell my own art and I don’t want to sink to the idea that I should do it for free because he is. But I know for a fact he will be upset if I tell him I won’t devote much time to something I’m not being paid for. He’s a bit critical of artists not doing what he believes is correct which is annoying but he is good and tolerable most of the time. He is also competitive and I think the only reason he wants to do murals is because he dislikes a local mural artist and is trying to make him feel inferior somehow. Which is shallow and annoying.
Also we have multiple projects we work on together that he hasn’t finished and I don’t want to attach my name to something if he isn’t going to finish it later on. For example, we’ve been working on a mural for our hometown that he wasn’t paid for, he normally pays me to work on this one with him. It’s been half finished for a few months now. (I’ve offered to work on it if he’s busy if he gives me the supplies we were using and just sends me what he wants done and pays me for the few hours I spend catching it up but he won’t I’m assuming because he wants his murals to be mostly his and I get that. And while that’s unfinished, he is being paid to do another large mural on a local business here in town that he wants my help with that he hasn’t even started yet. Now before he has even finished the one for our town and not even started the other for the business, he wants to do another for free and this time I won’t be paid.
Like I get it that he wants to practice and everything before he starts consistently charging but I’m not him and I don’t like to spend 40 hours a week on something for plain recognition. Plus I think he is on the path of way over scheduling himself and not finishing what he starts and I’m worried if I have my name attached to all of them, people will begin to associate me with unfinished work which I do not like. I also help him lots of times with things for free when he needs help with other art things (his main medium can require people to help him align things to be pressed on paper and the sheer size means he cannot do it alone) I do these things for free occasionally because I know he can’t produce without it and he normally pays me for other things.
I’m starting to feel like I should distance myself from his murals even though they are fun but I don’t know how to let him down gently because I know it will upset him if he thinks my decision is wrong and his is correct and I’m just after money, but as an artist myself who dreams of making art for a living I don’t want to do constant free work. I don’t mind occasionally but lately it’s too often.
Another weird thing, we went to an event recently where we draw in front of a crowd and I noticed while he did compliment my work someone was recording me work and he started shoving his phone with his work into the camera almost like he felt threatened and wanted to take attention off of me. There was a group of at least ten people behind me and I think he felt agitated that his work didn’t get as much attention. This person wasn’t asking for his portfolio and was literally recording me just me before this happened. I’m starting to feel like he sees me as a threat to him instead of a friend and that’s why he’s being shadier lately. I feel his compliments disguise his intent if that makes sense. His art is very good and I don’t know why he would feel the need to attention seek in this way. When I watched the video I cringed.
I know this is a weird one but if you have any insight please let me know.
Tl;Dr: friend who usually pays me for services of the art variety is suddenly making me do more work for free and acting as though he feels threatened by me instead of me being his friend and I don’t know how to address it without angering him in some way.
7 comments
I think you’ve given all the reasons yourself. The friendship that you might lose sounds like it’s already threatened by his insecurity.
I’d recommend you don’t volunteer your time for free work unless it’s something you want to do. And you don’t need to give an explanation, just say you’re not commiting to unpaid work at this time.
Trust your very good instincts and decline the current project. He is definitely taking on more than he can handle. Art is a paying profession and if you keep giving it away, it won’t be valued (my opinion). You can only do so much “pro bono” because the bills still must be paid.
as an attorney, I sometimes tell people that my pro bono book of business is “currently full”. I do a significant amount of work for no pay, or little pay. And I do have paying clients but both kinds of clients must be kept in the proper proportion. The bills must be paid.
don’t be concerned about possible negative statements from him. I assure you that his other friends and associates are aware of his tendencies. Be kind as always, but stick to your decision.
You’re overthinking it.
You cannot control whether or not he chooses to be angry.
Just tell him your daily rate for mural painting and that if this one is just for exposure, you understand that of course he cannot pay you. Wish him luck finding someone to collab with.
Dump the rest of this drama. You’re a professionally. You have a daily rate. He came to you with a job and it doesn’t pay, so you say ‘Thanks, but no thanks’.
>someone was recording me work and he started shoving his phone with his work into the camera
😱 Noooo buddy nooooo. Not only is this rude af, it absolutely reeks of desperation. As I’m sure you know, as someone who sells art… this game isn’t just about talent and skill. It’s also about salesmanship. People want to buy a piece of the *artist*, not just a piece of art.
No one wants to buy a piece of a guy who would shove his phone in front of a process recording. If he’s lacking in paid gigs, it sounds like it’s an issue of professionalism.
Do not do this project, and consider distancing yourself from this guy professionally. If he’s this much of a clown on the regular, being his project partner is going to reflect poorly on you.
Now as for how to say no… Sometimes you just have to rip the bandaid off. You don’t have to justify anything. “Hey (friend), as always I’m touched you thought of me! I’m not available to help on this project.” That should be enough. No is a complete answer. If he pushes or tries to force a reason out of you, he’s just being a jerk and showing his unprofessionalism yet again.
It sounds like you’re just afraid to speak up. You know how you feel. There are some options. One, you draw a line and say no more free art at all, please don’t ask you for that. Two, a little more open, you could say here on forward you want the default assumption to be that you won’t do any free art. He can ask if he wants and you’ll review it to see if you want to, but it should be assumed you’ll do it for free. Another option is to maybe set hard boundaries for how many free projects you’ll take on in a certain timespan. Or just distance yourself completely. But there’s no reason you should feel weird about saying no. If he makes it weird, that’s on him. You just let him have his feelings and stand firm in whatever you tell him.
It kinda sounds like it’s not possible to *be* friends with this guy without angering him in some way. I’d guess that he’s been furious with most, if not all, of the people he’s ever been close with.
If that sounds about right, I think you can stop worrying about finding the perfect way to say no to him. You won’t find it. You’ll just have to tell him “no” the same way you’d tell anyone else “no.” How he reacts to it is out of your control.
Tell him how much you charge. If he’s not happy, he can find someone else. Simple. This way you don’t have to put your name to unfinished projects etc. Friends usually don’t use others for their own gain. That’s not a friend.