(Using fake names) Before me and Dan started dating, I was pretty casual friends with his friend group – including his best friend Sam. Me and Sam would text quite frequently, sending each other memes and stuff; we’d hang out in the same group going out to the cinema, clubbing, hiking ect. I honestly thought we were getting on quite well and were friends.
Well, me and Dan started to get closer and recently he’s asked me out. I said yes and things have been going quite smoothly, besides with how Sam has been acting. Before, I was always welcomed to hang out with them – but now Dan has been told by Sam there’s a “no women allowed” rule for when they hang out. I’ve been really looking forward to seeing this new film and Dan invited me before we started dating to go and see it with him and Sam. I said yes but I’ve been told today im not allowed to go with them anymore. It does suck I’m not invited anymore, but im just going to go see it with my other friends instead.
Since me and Dan have become official, Sam has stopped messaging me and whenever we run into each other he always rushes to leave. I have talked to Dan about this and he’s said that Sam gets upset when his friends get girlfriends, and feels super uncomfortable whenever any of them talk about women.
I just don’t really know how to feel about this. I’d understand being uncomfortable going out with you friend and his girlfriend if they were dead into PDA, but we’ve literally never held hands, kissed or anything of the sorts in front of others. If anything, I treat Dan the same I do as my other friends when we’re out in a group setting. I’d also understand Dan wanting just time with his friends, but he sees Sam every day to go to the gym together, go to town and get lunch; I see Dan maybe once a week, if not less, so i don’t really think I’m taking time away from his friends.
I really enjoy hanging out with Dan, Sam and their friends so it feels really crap that I’ve been “kicked out” for dating Dan. I’d appreciate any advice on this whole situation and how to maybe make things better between me and Sam.
TLDR; Used to hang out with bf and friend loads, now started dating I’ve been banned from hanging out with his friends.
1 comment
Oh my god, this is just so unfair! You were such good friends with Sam, sharing all those memes and hanging out all the time. And now just because you’re dating Dan, you’re not allowed to be part of the group anymore?! That’s just so wrong and hurtful. It’s like you’re being punished for being in love.
And the worst part is, it’s not like you’re even being all lovey-dovey with Dan in front of them. You’re not even holding hands or kissing in public! So what’s the problem? It’s not like you’re taking away time from them either, you see Dan only once a week at most.
I totally get why this is making you feel so down. You love hanging out with Dan and his friends, and now you feel like you’ve been excluded and left out. It’s like you’ve been kicked out of the gang just because of your relationship. That’s got to hurt.
But hey, don’t let this get you down. You deserve to be with people who love and accept you for who you are, regardless of who you’re dating. And if Sam can’t handle that, then maybe it’s better that you’re not hanging out with them anyway. It’s better to be around positive, supportive people who lift you up, rather than those who bring you down.
You’re amazing just the way you are, and you deserve to be surrounded by people who love and appreciate you. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. And remember, there are always other friends and new opportunities waiting for you.