My gf and I have been going through a rather big disagreement as of late, she asked me if I plan on going on trips (weekend long) with my friends when we get married. I answered yes of course because my friendships are very important to me as i’ve known my closest friends for about 8 years now. This caused a huge argument about how she doesn’t want to be with me if i’ll take trips with friends when we’re older and married.
Her reasoning was that she thinks I have no business going on trips like that and that she believes it’s wrong of me to leave her all alone for some days bc she cannot sleep alone and would feel abandoned. I do not feel as if I would be abandoning her as we have elaborate plans to travel a lot and have lots of new experiences of our own. I have suggested just a weekend for me and my friends every 10 years and even that has been shut down. I know the changes that will come in married life and the shift of priorities, I would not be out having fun if my relationship was struggling or if the circumstances would make going out inappropriate.
In all honesty I do not know when to be flexible and when to stand my ground so I came to this sub to hear the opinions of other people. Are we both reasonable in the things we want? Am I being selfish by wanting this in my future?
​
tl;dr My gf doesnt want to be together if I go on friend trips when we get married bc she feels like its wrong for her to sleep alone.
5 comments
When are you planning on getting married? You both still have some growing and brain development in store for the next few years. It’s very probable that as she grows up, she’ll learn to feel more comfortable spending time on her own and realize that a few planned days apart is not abandonment.
Of course you should be able to spend some weekends with your friends. Every weekend would be excessive, but your girlfriend should have the maturity and/or independence and/or resilience to support you going away with your pals, if that’s important to you. Having social connections and hobbies independent of one another is part of what makes for a strong partnership, in my experience.
You could always offer to hire her a babysitter if she doesn’t think she can manage a weekend alone.
Red flag: she’s controlling. Reconsider whether you want to marry someone if it’s predicated on you having to change this drastically. And don’t expect this to be the only thing she demands. Asking you to help out with chores or whatever is one thing, but telling you where you can go or not is troubling.
Please take it from someone who has lived through it, there will always be something else “wrong,” and you could gradually lose yourself trying to reach an impossible ideal. It’s okay to say this is just an incompatibility, and she should find someone who prefers not being away from home if it’s this important to her. You’re both very young and have plenty of time to find more compatible people.
Why should teenager need to think about something like that?