I have this creepy guy who’s 30 years older than me who think he’s my “friend”.
He goes on giving me opinions about my personal life/ relationships etc. and i want to avoid it.
I’ve worked with him for 2 years now and so far i’ve been enabling him to step all over my boundaries like i’m a doormat. I never initiate a talk first, but when he does I’ve been always doing my best even it involves 1-2 hours of chatting back and forth on Slack.
Now i finally realized this has been hurting my mental health A Lot.
What would you say to them?
Maybe..
– Say one word response
– do not respond immediately, pretend i’m busy
– ignore the text message unless it’s work related
– be direct and say “i don’t feel comfortable talking about this with you”
He’s a hot shot power tripping maniac with huge ego, also very insecure. He always seeks attention and wants to “help” other people.
How would you set a boundary with this guy?
Edit:
He also LOVES bragging about himself ( semi work related) – eg) he sends me this case that he worked on and he goes to talk about how genius he is, how nobody else were able to solve this problem. For HOURS.
Will same tactic such as not responding or giving one word response like “cool” be ok? I don’t wanna be seen as rude, because this guy is really senior and knows a lot of people high up.
7 comments
ignore unless work related, he will get the picture
Just don’t share anything personal with him
I’m not sure if ignoring will be enough since I seems has been so so what you’ve been doing in the last months.
Set clear your boundaries, OP, you are both adults.
Asking about your personal life sounds a bit creepy to me… Is he flirting or trying to? You are a woman 30 years younger and I’m afraid that can be the case. Keep your eyes opened OP and tell your boss in case he cannot respect the boundaries.
He’s insecure, egotistical, and has power. It’s very important you don’t trip his ego or he might make your life hell. I would phase out. Don’t be obviously rude or short. Just give boring responses that don’t contribute much to the convo and respond slower and slower. This is how I prefer to be rejected. It saves the other person the embarrassment of an outright rejection and allows them to catch the social cue without being ignored.
google the “grey rock method” for narcissists. apply.
I don’t understand how you can spend that much time chatting at work. Can’t you just say you’re busy and do the work?
I tried the method of keeping my answers short with an old boss, he didn’t get the hint he just thought I was a great listener!
It sounds like you do need to set some boundaries, you can totally say you don’t feel comfortable talking about your personal life. And you can not respond to messages they send if you don’t want to. Do whatever you want!