I feel guilty about reporting someone’s dating app profile and getting them removed off of two apps even though I felt like it was right to do at that moment. I had been seeing someone casually for about 2-3 months. We were friends with benefits and would hook up frequently. After about 2 months of seeing each other, I asked if he had gotten tested recently, he said no but he got tested a couple months prior and that he is clean. I trust him a lot at this point as he has always been good with communication, mature about sex, and overall honest and direct. We have always used condoms, except for one occasion where we didn’t, which I now feel stupid for.
A couple weeks after I ask him about his tests, he casually brings up in a conversation that he just got tested. I ask if he can screenshot and send over his test results so I can see. He hesitates a bit and says that he doesn’t have it and will have to call the clinic. He “calls” the clinic & sends me a screenshot of his results. Everything looked good. However, it didn’t dawn on me until a week after that the screenshot was cropped and I couldn’t see the date it was taken. I ask him if he could resend it and he admits that he lied and cropped an old test result because he felt pressured to send me one (so that we would still have sex).
I told him idk why anyone would lie about that unless they were trying to hide something. He still insists that he’s clean. Earlier in the week I saw him taking pills so I ask him about that. He says initially that they’re for his stomach, but after much prying due to my growing suspicions he finally admits that he lied again and that he has genital herpes & that this medication treats it.
After much reading, I know there is a huge stigma against herpes & that it’s not a life-threatening disease. But because he kept lying to me & refused to disclose important information that could affect me, I felt betrayed, upset, and reported his dating app profiles, which eventually got taken down. Deep down, I know it was right for me to do, but I also can’t help but feel super guilty that I got him banned from those platforms. What are your thoughts if this happened to you?
4 comments
Honest take from me: to me it sounds vengeful behavior. I met a girl on Tinder and we dated casually for about 3 months. She was shady and cancelled our plans last minute to get with other guys from Tinder. I told her I was done and she got mad and just reported my profile out of anger. I got banned from Tinder permanently for no reason at all. Not cool at all tbh. Don’t do this
Herpes isn’t curable in a majority cases, even kissing casually can effect someone and because he’s taking pills, the signs and symptoms won’t be noticeable at all for most people. I think it’s good that you reported it, he clearly tried to hide it, and even if he was afraid no one would be into him or sleep with him if they knew it’s still SO SO SO wrong to hide that information from someone you fully intend on sleeping with eventually
Woah, I think you did the right thing reporting him. Imagine all the other people he probably was going to lie to and also affect. People really need to be more careful when it comes to sex. Scary.
All the casual sex going on, friends with benefits, multiple partners, shared partners, unprotected sex…there’s reasons why monogamy has been a moral value in society for thousands of years. If you play with fire long enough you get burned. I’m guilty of it too..when I was in my 20s. I had a fwb a few times back then. Luckily I didn’t get burned. Hopefully you didn’t get herpes and will be tested before finding a new sexual partner. If you were seeing anyone else sexually you better inform them and tell them to get tested too. You were absolutely right to report his lying ass. He sounds like he knowingly gave it to you and will continue to lie and spread it. This is against the law and you could press charges and sue him.