My gf and I had been in a 9 years relationship, broke up for 2 years and reunited 10 months ago (it’s LDR). And we’ve been best friends for about 16 years.
We are so closely attached to each other, most of our relation been LDR but we still going and we are planning engagement this summer and marriage next year.
Last summer I visited her family and met them and things were going great, until recently.
Long story short, there have been trust issues recently and some conflicts that we managed to overcome.
During the 2 years we broke up, she was in a relationship for about 6 months with a guy.
Recently I found that she and her ex are following each other (which they weren’t before).
I told her why do you have your ex back on insta to which she took it lightly and then she removed him.
We had a conflict back then, she said they ended on good terms (which contradicts previous narrative) and they don’t talk or anything and to her it’s fine to be friends as long as there is nothing and that they don’t talk or anything. She ended up removing him.
Days after we had a fight and I removed my instagram. Then it got resolved. She then told me that she is removing the instagram application because she wastes her time on it.
Days after that, I noticed that she was active on instagram. She still said that she didn’t restore the app.
I sent her a follow request before that to which she didn’t accept.
Three days ago she accepted me back on snapchat and sent me a post on instagram but said she’e on instagram from her laptop (who tf opens insta on laptop), anw she sent an emoji that can’t be sent from a laptop.
Next day she sent me a screenshot from the insta app, I asker her did you restore the app. She said oh yeah a friend told her to check a page so she restored it but she will delete it once again because she doesn’t feel like it. (She was caught in the blue but I didn’t comment on that)
Today she sent me posts on instagram, I asked her why didn’t you accept my follow request. She joked that it’s for me to learn not to unfollow her. I said but you unfollowed me previously several times, she said yes but whatever. I told her let me follow you she said no.
Then I said why accept me back on snapchat but not Instagram.
So then she said the truth which I knew from beginning. She said I know that you will go to see who I am following so let’s keep it this way. She then insisted that she doesn’t want me to follow her for this reason, although I asked what’s the deal if im your partner and can see who you follow, she denied.
I had suspicions and knew that she is using the app but lies about it and hides it because she doesn’t want me back on her instagram. This raises the question, if all is good and there’s nothing to hide or fear, why is it a big deal that you had to lie and hide for weeks and now insist and refuse to have me on your insta?
Apart from that, she has been being online on whatsapp for quite sometime recently.
Yesterday I was briefly chatting with a friend, I checked if my Gf is online to chat, and found her online. I didn’t say anything. But continued to check and she was constantly online for about an hour and half, for every minute of this period and it was 1:00 AM.
I jokingly asked her (which is something we both do), whom are you talking to. She laughed and said talking to Mom.
However, her mom doesn’t stay up until 1:00 AM, and that is not how they text each other. It’s definitely a lie, my GF isn’t usually this engaging in texts unless we’re talking (and mostly we have calls not texts).
It was a very engaging convo to which she stays 1.5 hrs online at 1:00 AM. And it wasn’t her mom definitely.
Throughout the relationship and the past months since we reunited, I never had any suspicions, I fully trusted her and never had such feelings or worries or questions. Never checked anything because I didn’t have to. I wasn’t this kind of person at all.
Now I have many doubts and suspicions around her and I believe she had met a guy in a party recently thus not wanting me to know about that or ask her about it, and generally doesn’t want me to know much about some aspects of her life, she says that I make drama and want to control her.
First who she talks to, why lie and hide things, and why the instagram story. Afterall it’s not normal that you don’t want your partner to be on your insta.
And funny enough, we’ve planned valentines together, am travelling to spend it with her and things (seem) alright. But many things in fact are not.
I have this gut feeling that something is wrong and she’s hiding and lying continuously.
This is a huge red flag hiding things and lying and not wanting to share things even if it is to avoid conflict.
What is going and what should I do in this case?
TL;DR My girlfriend doesn’t want me to follow her on her instagram, she lied and hid and tried to deceive me then said that she doesn’t want me to make drama by knowing who she follows. Among other suspicious behaviours.
6 comments
She is cheating on you. That was easy one, her refusing was basically saying she doesn’t want you to see her cheating on you.
Btw you would be an idiot to assume relationship spent mostly in LDR is ready for engagement/marriage.
If you don’t spend minimum 2 years in proper relationship and decide to marry you deserve the disaster you will get into.
I would advice you to just leave her, but you won’t so I should just ask you to please remember my comment when you eventually get a reality check.
> And we’ve been best friends for about 16 years.
An alternative viewpoint is that she has been your best friend for 16 years, but you haven’t been hers for 16 years.
> but we still going and we are planning engagement this summer and marriage next year.
This is where you can help yourself first. Don’t get engaged until you figure out this trust aspect and you feel comfortable about it for a while more.
So I’m saying there might be a way to resolve this and stay together but it needs her effort as well. If not, definitely don’t be getting married .
I honestly don’t understand why y’all intentionally stay in these drama-filled relationships. It is wholly possible to have a relationship with someone that you trust, that trusts you, and with whom there is no drama beyond the normal everyday stuff that pops up in a relationship. I could give a fuck what my wife does on Instagram because I *know* there is nothing that could be going on that I should be concerned about, because that’s the kind of person she is.
The 6th post about this in 24 hrs?
She probably started smashing others because after 9 yrs she is still a girlfriend.
You didn’t have to write anything past the 5th paragraph. It doesn’t matter why, she’s hiding from you and you don’t trust her – you should tell her that you don’t trust her and the relationship has to end. Then I would advise you to actually end it for good and move on with your life. You should never accept less than what you deserve. I am downvoting this post because I sincerely think this is the only advice and you should invest less time into this whole situation. Wishing you the best though.