8 months ago I became a father of my beloved son. It was a intense period in which my wife also suffered from post partum depression. I noticed that i gained a lot of contact with my friends that already had children. But i noticed a decline in contact with my child free friends. A lot of them would ask to meet on a regular basis, but after my son was born the contact stopped. Even after re-establishing contact. Although a lot had changed in my life i still feel the desire to meet all of my friends including the child free friends. Anyone else made this observation about friends changing their behaviour?
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Yeah, it’s not uncommon, sadly.
I have not lost any friends as a result of having a kid. I still make an effort to talk to them and go and see them both with and without my kid. Most people think that once you have a kid you are bothered by them asking to hang out. You likely need to reach out to them more to re-establish the link. Also, don’t always bring your kid around. You need ‘you time’ without him. Same for your partner.
I’m on the other side of this so I’ll share my experience:
Whenever a friend has a kid, our friendship goes through a few predictable phases.
The first is trying to make plans like nothing has changed but being unable. “Let’s grab a beer after work or see a band or whatever.” Oh, actually, the baby is sick. Wife’s mom was supposed to come over and help with the baby but now she can’t. Baby has been fussy and I’m tired… whatever the case may be. About six cancellations later and I’m kinda done. Ball’s in your court. If it does come together somehow, I’m just waiting for the phone to come out about an hour into the hang. “Gotta head out. Sorry, guys.”
The second is wanting to do things I have no interest in doing that include the kid. “Want to go sit at a playground?” Not really, man. Grab lunch while your kid throws food all over the floor and talk about the kid? Nope. No offense.
The third and saddest happens about 4 years in. The kid requires less work so you actually can come out for a little while, but we have little in common anymore. We took different paths and that’s fine, but the vibe is wrong. We can both feel it.
I’ve done this several times now and it’s always the same. It’s nobody’s fault. I’m the weird one for being 38 with no kids. But still, every time a new Dad texts me and says he has the night off, I’m skeptical, and I’m certainly not going to plan anything around you. It’s just a different chapter.
They lost you. Your priorities changed. Which is fine.
Reach out them. They may think your life is too busy for them