I love thanking women with “ma’am” because it feels like I am showing respect to them. but at what age/look is is appropriate to say so? I do not want to come off as rude.
Edit: Thanks for everyone for explaining, especially those who explained that it’s more acceptable/polite in Southern areas. To add more context, I specifically just moved to Denver for about a year and am an asian.
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Depends on where you are. In the South it is pretty respectful but elsewhere it is often taken as an implication that the woman is old.
Ma’am is generally a term for an older woman. I wouldn’t call a woman younger than my mom “ma’am” unless I was working a service job.
It’s not the worst thing someone could call me. As I’ve moved out of my teens, I noted a slow change from people calling me “miss” to “ma’am” while working in coustmer service roles
But unless you make eye contact with me I might not (right away) realize you are speaking to me directly
In the south it’s completely fine. Ma’am is expected for older women or authority figures. You may even unconsciously call a young woman or girl ma’am and it’s not a big deal at all.
In other parts of the country it may be seen differently.
in the south it would be considered polite and normal (but not saying ma’am wouldn’t be rude), outside of the south it depends more. It’s not really rude but IME a lot of women associate being called ma’am with being old and matronly, so a young woman might fret internally about being called ma’am, like “what do I look like an old lady now???”
Just my impression anyway I am certainly not a woman though lol
It depends entirely where you are regionally. In the North East, its basically an insult, in the South is basically mandatory in polite etiquette.
Maybe it’s because I live in the South, but I think it’s pretty normal to call a woman of almost any age “ma’am.” Maybe I would use “miss” for a child.
Only if the person is extremely sensitive and is afraid of aging. People can chose to be offended by the term if they personally see it as a reference to being “old”.
To a lot of us, especially those of us who live south of the Mason-Dixon it is just something you call a woman you don’t know to be respectful.
Different parts of the country have different feelings about this.
It’s polite in the South with anyone that’s clearly an adult.
In the Northeast, it could be rude at any age – as “ma’am” is associated as *old*.
You could get a, “Ma’am? How old do you think I am!?” response.
So instead, say *miss*.
I wouldn’t say it to anyone that looks younger than like 45-50. And even then only if their back was turned to me and I needed to get their attention.
I live in the south, it’s rude not to use Ma’am in most cases.
I’ve always been taught it was the polite and respectful way to address any adult woman.
In the south, it would be considered rude to *not* say it, but some people would get terribly offended when I would call them “sir” or “ma’am” back when I lived in Washington. I guess some people feel like you’re calling them old.
As a midlife female non-Southerner living in the South, it stings a little but I know they’re being polite.
On the West Coast, it would make us cringe. Might as well say “old lady” because it has the same connotation.
In Texas, every female over the age of around 14 is “Ma’am”. To not include the honorific is commonly seen as rude.
I have liberal gray streaks in my hair, am a Georgia native, and still find it uncomfortable to be called ma’am, but I recognize options are limited when addressing a stranger in public. I don’t snap at someone who addresses me as such.
For the most part I’m anti-ma’am for the reason people have mentioned – it has the connotation of “old.” I’m pretty young, so when I hear it I definitely think WTF (even though I probably shouldn’t lol).
Also, I don’t really see the need to assume someone’s gender when it’s not super necessary. I’m she/her so it’s not relevant for me, but I’d be curious to hear how non-binary people who are feminine-presenting feel about being referred to as “ma’am.” I personally think why go out of your way to potentially offend someone by assuming their gender or implying they’re old. Maybe I’m overthinking it.
I’m from TX. I call every female I don’t know ma’am. Sir for males. Sometimes when I’m not sure I just don’t say anything, I’d rather be quiet than offend someone by getting it wrong.
Depends where you are. Where I’m from it’s only acceptable for strangers who are senior citizens. In the south they use that word with their own mothers!
In the South it’s a typical way to address any woman with respect. For many people, myself included, it’s an unconscious reaction because we were just taught to speak that way.
That being said, I used to work in a public-facing retail type of business and was yelled at on a few occasions for addressing a woman as ma’am. Some people take great offense to it buy that is far and away atypical in my experience.
I would say that 30ish~ + is appropriate to say ma’am.
Younger women it would be more appropriate to say miss.
I wouldn’t be offended if you called me ma’am. I’m in my mid twenties. However, I may not realize you’re talking to me if there’s more people nearby. I personally wouldn’t call someone ma’am unless they’re in their 40s.
depends on where you are
I was always taught in the Midwest growing up in the Midwest and with southern family that it was respectful. In New England some people take issue with it like you are being overly solicitous or condescending. It is rare that anyone actually takes offense.
Almost anyone in or formerly in the military uses “ma’am.”
[Here is an example.](https://youtu.be/f0CprVYsG0k)
The general called Senator Barbara Boxer “ma’am” which is how you address a woman superior officer as a sign of respect. She didn’t like it and preferred “senator” as her honorific.
A lot of people said “you go girl” and others thought she was being petty and disrespectful to someone showing her respect.
So there is some cultural context. I say “ma’am” with some regularity especially “thank you ma’am.” No one, even here in New England, has ever been obviously offended.
I don’t know what the culture is like in Denver, but no, I don’t feel it’s rude to call a stranger woman “ma’am”, especially in any kind of customer facing job. It’s best to be consistent. Playing that Miss/Ma’am game can be tricky, especially if a cashier calls a woman in her 20s “miss” and then refers to the slightly older customer immediately behind her (30s maybe) in line as “ma’am”. They might not notice or care, but for some it’s another little reminder that their days of being a young woman are over.
I live in Wyoming and i use the term all the time without regard for age I do the same with sir.
If they are old enough, what else would you call them, maybe hey you.
It is not exactly considered rude even in areas where it is less common. Unless the person is quite a bit older you should probably say Miss instead of Ma’am. You can be respectful without saying Miss, Ma’am or Sir to strangers just with your tone of voice.
I would prefer not to be called Ma’am but I am not going to freak out if someone says it. It is better tgan a stranger calling me honey.
If you’re not in the south, IMO you can’t go wrong with “Miss”
I really can’t see how it would be rude. I’ve seen women like my mom be flattered by being called “miss” instead of “ma’am” when she was in her thirties, but I haven’t seen anyone offended by “ma’am.”
I’m fairly introverted so I don’t talk to strangers much, but I would use “ma’am” over “miss.” I’m a man in my thirties and I fear “miss” could seem condescending depending on context. “Ma’am” seems neutral to me.
Depends on where you are and who you are dealing with in most rural areas and in the south it is expected I’m from the Midwest and live in the south ma’am and sir are considered basic manners like saying please and thank you.
In urban areas and along the coasts it’s different
I’m an older southern Californian woman. I don’t take offense to being called ma’am. It does make me feel older, but then again 53 IS older so meh…I earned it I guess. When younger men call me Miss it makes me giggle inside tho lol.
You might say it a few times and nobody says something. Eventually someone will be like “I’m not a ma’am!”
Just always say “miss.”
But that’s SoCal.
[“Ma’am is not an insult!”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X4o1WuZjelg)
I’m from Texas and I say it to every woman that looks over about 25. I’m 51, for reference.
Not even a little bit.
That’s completely normal to say, so long as they are below the age of 20.
So my mom had a college friend from somewhere up north. She picked up “yes ma’am” living in Virginia. She said it to her mom once. “Don’t you sass me!” Connecticut. That’s where she was from.
Where? When? Why? Who?
I use ma’am and sir only with older people. I’ll just go with ‘excuse me’ if i’m asking a younger person something
Not rude
I say it all the time, to a woman or girl of any age. Even toddlers. It’s not to particularly show respect, I’m just used to it.