Hi all! I (22f) have been in two prior relationships, and now after many years am in one again. It’s been a long time since I was intimate with anybody on a serious level and I’m struggling to work out some pieces of our sex life.
The two previous relationships I have been in were absolutely awful for a plethora of reasons, but one thing that stands out to me now is that any sexual acts between us were always heavily focused on my personal pleasure. I’m a naturally very giving partner too so it always felt like a really fulfilling match.
My current boyfriend (24m) is actually a great human unlike the other two, but at the same time is seemingly uninterested in my pleasure. I’m not one to just ignore problems so I asked him why our sex feels really one sided. I explained I absolutely enjoy pleasuring him and I don’t ever mean to come across like I deserve or expect anything, but at the same time would like to feel desired.
He apologized profusely and felt really bad. He said he hadn’t thought about it and would do better.
It’s been weeks now and nothing has changed. He doesn’t touch me at at all during sex, and has absolutely never come close to going down on me.
How should I broach this conversation again? Am I just expecting too much because of my past relationships? I’d hate for this relationship to run into issues because of this because genuinely I am very happy otherwise.
TIA!
2 comments
You have to try. You are way too young to settle. Let him know how important this is for you. If he seems open to it ask if he’d like specific instructions.
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If not, this is a valid reason to break up. Intimacy is an integral part of a relationship.
Talk to him! Unless he’s just straight up lying to you (which I doubt), his reaction to you saying its one sided indicates that he cares. Continue talking to him about it, give him tips if he needs them, and if it comes down to it, break up with him, as sad-whale said, intimacy is a huge part of a relationship.
But it sounds like to me he cares and needs some guidance. Bring it up right before you have sex.