I’ve [26F] been fwb with a man [36M] that I met about a year ago. We recently became fwb probably around September/ October time or maybe late summer.
Before fwb I was actually interested in seeing where things would go with him with no expectations. When we first met I got back into dating after taking a year off after a long relationship before hand.
We ended up mutually having more of a fun/casual relationship. I don’t feel as if he’s not relationship material, but I don’t think he’s not looking for anything serious.
I’ve recently started to look for something more serious within the last two months or so, so I’m planning on breaking it off with him. He’s usually the one that initiates it so when he does I’m planning on responding with a “break up” message. He’ll usually invite me over so I plan on responding saying something like:
I’m starting to look for something more serious and a deeper connection, so I don’t think I should. I’ve had a lot of fun with you though.
I want it to be inviting in case he’s open to something more serious but I don’t want him to think I expect anything serious from him. Any suggestions? I feel like my message is pretty closed off
I haven’t developed deep feelings for him, but would be open to seeing where things go. If he’s not interested I’m not going to be sad though.
TL;Dr I plan on sending a break up text to my fwb since I’m looking for something more serious, but want it to be inviting in case he’s open to something more. Any suggestions?
6 comments
he will definitely read that measage as “i want a relationship with you”. its not closed off. it is veiled language to ask for a relationship. his response will be telling. obviously the most likely scenario is that he will wish you the best but maybe he will want something more. try not to fall for some dancing language to keep you on the string. stand your ground and move on unless he is ready to commit.
I think what you just said is plenty. If he isn’t understanding of your desires or shows unwillingness to compromise then I think that would be a red flag long term.
Maybe something like: while I can’t deny the benefits we shared together, it’s been great. Our times that we spent was based solely on physical attractions. I’m getting to the point in life to where I’m beginning to seek more. I’m looking for something more serious, someone I can connect with, share emotions & life experiences with and potentially a life partner.
I’m not saying I don’t see this in you, but I do want to keep my options open. If you’re willing, we can try to move this to the next phase. If not, then we’re going to have to part ways while I continue on this journey.
Hope this helps!
Ps.
Id suggest meeting him in a public place and tell him. Or if you just want to part ways completely, then maybe a text or phone call. I don’t think he’d look at it as a break up since you guys aren’t really a couple.
Maybe ” Hey, after some time I have come to the conclusion that being in a FWB situation is not suitable for me anymore and I will be seeking a genuine relationship. If you want to give us a shot, great. If not, thanks for a great time. Take care”
Just break up. Don’t do this “unless…” stuff. If you want that then ask for that, otherwise close the door.
Lie to him. Say “Hey I’ve been seeing someone recently that I really like and would like to give them my focus”.
Even if you aren’t seeing anyone, he will either compete or stay away. If he likes you for real he knows he has to step up or risk loosing you, if he never wanted anything serious he’d wish you luck and you would’ve “broken up” with him.
Just tell the truth and keep it simple. It’s just a FWB situation so no dramatics needed. That you are ending what you have going on since you are looking for something more serious now.