So there’s this girl that I like that works at the club me and my friends go to will call her Alyssa. I went up to Alyssa and asked her if she would like to go out sometime and she said we should! (She said it very exciting like) so I texted her the next day and asked her if she would like to hang out sometime and she said for sure possibly Friday so we set up a time and she seemed excited about it. So Friday comes along and she texted me around 5 and said she doesn’t think tonight is going to work for her. I told my friend and we went out to have a guys night and she happened to be there😬. I was not expecting that but I didn’t talk to her or look over at her and I showed that I didn’t care but deep down I was disappointed honestly. Me and my friend were playing pool and I noticed she was looking at me occasionally. Some time went by and a dude showed up to see her. I couldn’t believe she would rather hang out with that dude than me. My friend wanted to go back to the same club last week and I didn’t want to go but I figured eh whatever it’s not my fault that she works there. as we got there we immediately went to the pool table and she was working in the back where we were at and I noticed she said something about me because her friend immediately looked over at me. I didn’t go up to her counter at all that night. I don’t know why I still think about her it’s been about a week and we never even dated.
48 comments
Edit ( I forgot to add she also never deleted me off snap surprisingly)
What’s there to give advice about here? She blew you off, and you’ve moved on. Just keep doing what you’re doing.
Leave it alone….. Let her chase you…. I’m sure there are others… You be alright! ✌🏾
She’s not interested, oh well🤷♂️
Your ego was bruised and thats why you keep thinking about her- not because she is anything special. But really neither one of you owes the other anything. She already said she is not after anything but friendship. I think you are reading too much into it. So what if she wanted to make other plans when she hardly knows you? What if she just knows the other guy and there really is nothing going on between them? What if she still wants to see you? You are running off with conclusions when you just need to chill and carry on as if nothing happened.
obviously she liked the other guy more than you. For whatever reason. It’s the cycle of life. Move on.and DO NOT LOOK BACK.
DO NOT FUCKING LOOK BACK.
She’s not worth thinking about.
It’s a bit hurtful but this is normal. She just wasn’t interested in you and wanted the validation from your brief attention. Let her go and focus on yourself king.
I def would have sent a round of drinks her way that first night.
Valid to be bummed, but def just move on peacefully.
I feel you. Your overthinking it a lot and something in you doesn’t want to give up yet. I have this too, that i don’t want to give up if i get turned down once. But the best would probably still be to just give up and move on. But as i said, i get it, you probably hope there might still be something.. i would say if it’s bothering you too much, just ask her again and if she turns you down again or ignores you, then you can know for certain she wasn’t that interested and you can really move on. But it might come with the risk that things be more awkward if you go to the club again… Or a different approach would be to wait if she talks to you again but i wouldn’t hope for anything and still move on if she doesn’t do anything the next time you are there.
She’s for the streets, forget her.
“I made plans with this girl and she canceled on me to go hang out with another dude.”
“I don’t know why I still think about her it’s been about a week and we never even dated.”
Rejection happens in many forms. All you can do is accept it and move on.
It probably doesn’t help that you continue to frequent the place where she works.
When you are *not* in a relationship it is a good idea to engage with and date multiple people.
It lessens the pain/disappointment if someone rejects or ghosts you when *you’re not all in*.
Most people you meet don’t become dates, most dates don’t become relationships, and most relationships don’t lead to marriage. As one adage goes: “Many are called but few are chosen.”
***”Every time I thought I was being rejected from something good, I was actually being re-directed to something better.”*** – Steve Maraboli
***”Dating is primarily a numbers game…. People usually go through a lot of people to find good relationships. That’s just the way it is.”*** – Henry Cloud
Best wishes!
Given your post and comments, from what I am reading you seem more upset that your ego was bruised because this girl blew you off to go with another guy.
Like I don’t think you even care about the behavior from a moral standpoint. In fact, I think if she blew another guy off to spend time with you, you would get a boost from it.
Maybe I’m off, but that’s the impression I got from this thread.
Was he hotter than you?
I’m not really sure what you want us to say. You dodged a bullet I guess?
Forget her and go meet other girls. Don’t waste your time with girls who are not interested.
Hook up with with the dude to assert dominance.
I am the other dude
Why are you posting? She rejected you. Move on. Don’t take it personally. It happens. It’s her loss.
sounds to me like that guy was her first option and she had history with him. my advice, move on and dont look back. She might end up reaching out to you one day if it doesnt work with that guy, and when that day comes you can use her for sex then dispose of her
When she said “possibly Friday,” that’s when you take away the offer.
“It sounds like you have a busy schedule. Let me know when your plans clear up and we can plan something then.” And then you walk away until she reaches back out to you.
Never accept “maybe” answers.
Mission failed we’ll get em next time
If she texts you or anything, don’t respond, fuck her for doing that.
Just hurts she didn’t like you as much as the other guy. It happens. I’d avoid her from now on
I work at a bar and a lot of the girls and guys do this. This causes so much drama. One day a waitress is messing with one guy the next another. Then the two guys are at odds with each other. Male bartenders do the same to the ladies.
The term you can’t turn a ho into a housewife should ring a bell.
It happens. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Women are fickle.
You met a woman when she was working and asked her out while she was working? Hm. What kind of club is this place? Why does she have a “counter”?
You are assuming who the other dude is. Could have been her brother or a family member. Looks aren’t everything, so don’t get too full of yourself being more attractive that the other guy. Women like confidence, but not conceit. If it was just a family member or friend and she failed to reschedule another time, wash your hands of it and stop worrying about it. Mind games you play with yourself suck LOL! She is an attractive bartender or waitress, so think of all the guys who flirt with her and give her numbers. She may have gotten herself double-booked. No point in confronting her or even acknowledging her existence of someone you’re interested in getting to know any further. Just be cordial and enjoy the time with your crew at the club. Tip the other waitresses/bartenders on her shift WELL instead 🙂
Thats gotta sting a little. Not much you can do but move on.
Take that L my guy. It happens to people all the time.
Oh well move on
Not your fault. Unfortunately, this is life. Process it, accept it, and move on
People who derive income from you are not the best people to try to date. They’re motivated to be appear excited around you as part of their job. Never date club girls man. Recreational use only, so live and learn. You can go to the club, but she’s shown you who she is. Believe her.
You wanna know what’s funny and this happens 75% of the time – once she sees you moving on with another girl she’ll come and try and get your attention.
And when you give her a dose of her own medicine you will be labelled an asshole by toxic feminists.
No matter how better looking you think you are, she chose to chill with some else. It sucks you assume the worst, that she’s just hooking up. I mean did you hit it? Because if you didn’t maybe she’s not fucking anybody. You sounding bitter over there OP. Do your self a service and move on, and maybe don’t look for chicks at the club lol 😂
A girl said she might be able to hang out with you as a friend, but then said she couldn’t make it. You don’t know why. You see her with another dude and jump to all kinds of conclusions? Then you beat yourself up and take comfort from other dudes insulting her. Thus looks terrible. People who are down to form a friendship with people regardless of gender, generally have more then one friend of each gender. Also, a friend doesn’t owe you monogomy. Unless you’re married, and they’ve agreed to never speak to men ever again… why would you expect? Heck, how do you know that wasn’t her cousin or brother in law discussing her sisters health issues. You don’t.
Who knows what is going on in her mind. Women are weird. On to the next one.
Sounds like Attachment Style was activated
Just keep your head up and keep working on yourself. One day, a woman is gonna cancel a date with another guy to go out with you. And then guess what? That guy is gonna come here and post the same thing. And the cycle repeats.
After seeing the comments I’m glad she ditched you. Bad attitude man
Oof mah dude, sounds like you where the backup option.
So many responses to your post are literally toxic. It’s the kind of advice that will make sure you either continue to meet women who are petty and playing the same bitter transactional games these guys are suggesting, or you meet a naive girl you can break with the games.
It’s generally a bad idea to hit anyone up at their work. Their work matters. It pays their rent and makes sure they eat – and what their colleagues think of them matters (damn I am a female who was turned down by a guy at his work – and I promise I don’t usually get turned down.)
Then you have to play it smarter if you are keen. Especially because it’s her work man! Who knows what the story is other than she seemed excited but said maybe then canceled and you saw her with someone else – after she already told you she isn’t up for a relationship.
I agree. A guy who is not needy of attention/approval- is attractive. So not getting weird about it all really could get her attention- or just make her relieved she doesn’t have to deal with another random guys insecurities. It could go either way.
But if you follow that and she shows interest and you fuck her just to fuck her off – to ‘prove a point’ you really are joining a team of insecure men who spend more time planning payback because they are fragile, than building themselves, their resilience and their worth.
Your were back up. Drop her
You Win Some You Lose Some
Everyone here is not being very considerate. Everyone is saying that you shouldn’t care and move on, which int the end is what you will have to do, but what you need right now is to have someone hear you. Makes me think how many of them have actually been in such a situation, or they are really lacking sympathy or empathy. Anyways, yes, it was messed up what she said. It’s hurting you and it’s okay to feel this way. It’s ok to feel sad, anger, and hurt. It’s good that you took to expressing how you feel in words rather than doing something you’d regret later on. I’d recommend finding someone you trust and talk about it with them, just to have them be there to listen and not to provide solutions. After you express yourself, you need to take action. You need to work on finding why you felt those emotions. Emotions are there to help us in life. Simply ignoring them or to “man up” (which is what a lot of people here are essentially recommending) is not healthy. You need to know why you felt that way. I can’t say why you specifically felt that way, but if I was in your situation, probably my reaction would be that they made me feel worthless because of how I perceived myself as a human and how I perceived them as a human. Cognitively, I understand that her behavior is that of someone who is not worth it. Even little kids know it. However, that’s not the issue. On an emotional level we understand that our sense of self-worth is affected. Work on that. It won’t be easy but it’s the right thing to do. Now, I’m still working on my own issues but I’ve definitely improved. In the future, you won’t feel anything if other girls do the same thing. You’ll just brush it off like it was nothing.
This is a clear signal to look at other girls for whatever relationship you’re looking for. She’s aware you got feelings if you asked her to go out, and to cancel and make plans with another guy (who definitely has the same intentions) is disrespectful to you.
The reason you’re hung up is because you invested too heavily. Coincidentally that’s probably also the reason she was more interested in a dude that’s a little more challenging.
That’s what we call the SELEÇAÕ 🥲