Me 23 GF 23. Watching Porn behind my back the entire relationship. What does this mean ?

10 comments

1. Well porn is definitely addicting for people. It’s more likely for guys but can happen for women too. She probably just needs some help if that’s the case, talk to her empathetically and help her solve it, that is if she wants to.

2. Without honest communication I see no way for a relationship to survive or move forward. As far as I’m concerned lying and deceiving is relationship death.

   I don’t know why she doesn’t enjoy having sex with you and wants to masturbate instead. If she is refusing to tell you the truth or communicate though I don’t see what else you can do. Look for someone who will be honest with you?

3. Watching porn doesn’t mean someone wants to have sex – these are two different sexual activities, and some people prefer one over the other.

   The red flag here is that she is actively lying to you about something that partners in a healthy relationship should be able to communicate about (and also that you’re looking through her webpage history). Some people want to keep their porn watching private, and that’s fine, but she could have just said that that’s something she wants to keep private. You two need to find a way to communicate better, or this relationship is not going to succeed.

4. I think you’re too worried about your penis instead of her actual pleasure. Sex is so much more than your dick. It’s the way you talk during it, the anticipation leading to it, exploring fantasy’s and just the overall energy. You seem a little too sensitive about the topic which could lead to her lying and isolating herself. If you had a more open dialogue without judgement, I think you would learn a lot about her and maybe yourself.

5. Meh. Almost all humans masturbate, and most watch porn to some level of frequency. Given all of the pretty clear insecurity you have here (oh no, she’s looking at other guy’s’ dicks), she likely felt like it wasn’t worth fighting with you over something that absolutely is not your business anyway.

   Frankly, she should have owned it. “Yes, I watch porn. And?” If you chose to be immature and controlling and wanted to break up, that would have been better for the both of you, since you somehow seem to think that this is cheating or the like.

   I feel like the two of you just aren’t compatible.

6. Not all big dicks are enjoyable big dicks! Yea we say we want one, but if the guy is ground and pound everytime………Shit sucks. Maybe ask her hoe she feels about sex with you, your dick and whatever else. Include you finding her porn tabs, Google history, and her denial about it. It’s fucked up to lie about something so trivial, but she took it there and now it’s threatening the relationship! If she can’t be 💯 about it, she can rock her boat on someone else’s wifi!

7. To be honest, the fact that you’re going through her browser history is as concerning to me as anything here. There are clearly trust issues with both of you. Perhaps she’s embarrassed about watching porn. Perhaps, when you first asked her about it, she thought you’d be turned off if you told her the truth. It would be ideal if partners could be upfront and forthcoming about porn consumption, but it is tied up with all sorts of stigma. It’s not good that she’s lying about it, but your obsession with it also feels like a bit of a problem. If I lied about something fairly harmless at the beginning of a relationship, and my partner kept asking me about it ALL THE TIME, I would probably get defensive too. Put yourself in her shoes. At what point do you say, “Ah, you got me. I’ve actually been lying to you for three years. Let’s go get ice cream.”

   I think you’re also way off on this idea that sex and masturbation are fully equivalent. Masturbation isn’t simply something people do because they’re not having sex. It can provide stress relief and relaxation. It can be a way to help someone sleep. Sex, while fun, involves making accommodations for another person. It’s work. It’s compromise. Not to mention, with a penis of your size, too much sex can end up being painful, especially if you’re trying to go for hours. There have been all sorts of studies done about how long the average woman wants intercourse to last, and though results vary somewhat, the ideal times are usually in the realm of 15 minutes. So if you’re looking to spend hours hammering away with your porn-sized penis, it’s no wonder she gets tired.

   I’d like to offer some advice for how to move past this, but I’m not sure I can. You seem to be demonstrating quite a bit of resentment toward her. The way you write this makes it sound like you’ve already determined that she’s not a good person (“a huge liar and deceiver”), but the real dealbreaker now is that she’s not having sex with you as much as you’d like. If there were no sex in this relationship at all, would you still want to be with her?

8. I understand maybe being embarrassed about watching porn or what you specifically watch. And I would even let lying about it slide, for a little while. But at some point with the right questions I feel like she should be comfortable enough to at least give in and say “yeah, I watch porn.” Don’t even need any further details unless she wants to share.

   So obviously the dishonestly is an issue. But even worse from a couple of comments I read she’s projecting on you that you’re “obsessed” with sex, like you’re a bad person. But meanwhile she’s watching porn and probably masturbating all the time. Masturbation doesn’t mean she should be willing to have sex instead, but there are some major problems with the communication in your relationship. She seems to be super defensive and has dug her heels in on this lie, not wanting to change her answer and feel foolish or whatever she’s clinging to.

   Have you tried asking in a way letting her know you don’t care about her watching porn and whatever else she’s doing? Maybe even leave a note or text so she doesn’t just blow up on you and not let you finish?

   Like “look, I don’t care if you watch porn or masturbate to it. It’s actually kind of hot. But I don’t know why you continue to be dishonest about it and get angry at me when I ask you.”

   And put a screen shot of the sites from your WIFI.

   BUT BEFORE YOU DO, are you sure a neighbor doesn’t have access to your wifi or something and it’s not her? 😂 Because that would be bad.

9. If she doesnt like looking at penises then she might be a lesbian

10. When porn replaces intimacy is when it crosses the line from supplementary self care to intrusive.

    And yes masturbation is self care.