This is my first cry for help that I have ever posted on Reddit. Really the most personal I have ever been to strangers on the internet but I feel like it has gotten to the point where my self esteem has gone down the drain and I don’t know what else to do or who to ask about this. If you have any advice I would be more than happy to receive it. I am in my early twenties. I workout regularly my health has always been important to me to make sure I am in tip top shape except for the occasional drinking. The problem is I have the hardest time lasting in bed with my significant other of 4 years. We are due to get married in the next year or so. Not lasting long in bed has only ever been a problem with her. I blame myself for her disinterest in sex. I was her first and I guess wouldn’t blame her if all she has gotten was very quick penetrative sex to then not be interested at all. I have seen a steady decline in her drive. When we first started having sex she would be really into it to the point where she would always initiate and be down to try different things for the first 3 years despite my incompetence. It has never been every time but I always seem to struggle. Honestly once month or so I would have a good time of lasting much longer like I used to.
I used to never have this problem. I’ve been with about 4 partners if I can remember correctly before her and I would always have the opposite problem not being able to finish. I could easily last as long as I wanted as far as I could remember since loosing my virginity. A lot of depression and self hate have came of this. I just don’t know what happened. I have never loved someone so much in my life. She is the best partner I have ever had and I am so excited to be able to call her my wife and spent the rest of our lives together. Our relationship is great there is no other issue I have. I just worry that I have ruined sex for her and that it would never be able to recover to what it was before. I feel like if i could last longer she will get much more satisfaction. I will take any tips on exercises I can do. I am also big into the supplements game so if you have any to recommend I will take it gladly.
PS we have been long distance for the past year. The last month before we did that we only had sex maybe twice. Relationship is still great despite that. But there is no interest in sex and has only initiated it once during my monthly visits to NC where she is at. I would expect there to be some desire from her since we go so long without seeing each other.
But we are planning to get a place down there very soon once I can get hired down there. Maybe that’s what we need to put the spark back into things? We have never lived together. Due to our traditional Christian families.I just don’t know what to do anymore.
3 comments
Her lack of interest in sex could be impending your libido/sexual stamina.
You made a point that the two of you were raised in conservative christian homes. This could be the reason that she does not have a strong desire or interest in sex. Her mind may be set that sex is for reproduction and not enjoyment. If this is the case and she is trying to break free of that mind set, it could be several years before she truly enjoys sex.
Try to find ways for her to have a sensual, not sexual, experience.
Another point is that this is a doctor type of question. But mindset is the key part, start first with no penetration but handjobs and see if that can be something, build a lot of sexual tension as well but don’t act on it, you want to desire it and get your body in the mood to do something.
Okay Sugar Plum, let’s sit down here and think this over. First of all, you sound like a stand-up guy for caring so much! Second, no matter if all your insecurities about what’s happening are right or not, you’re being too hard on yourself. Third, if you are orgasming super quickly with her, and trying to slow it down hasn’t worked yet with her because you find her so attractive/pleasing, please realize that this isn’t a moral issue. It’s physical, and only an “issue” rather than just a fact if either you or your partner feel it is.
Okay, now lets get down to looking for solutions. Question to consider #1) Are you helping her climax every sex romp you two have after you cum? Because I think most decent women would agree that it doesn’t matter how fast you cum, as long as you’re fingering or going down on her afterwards so that the sexual activity doesn’t come to an end whenever you do. That’s what really matters here.
#2.) Have you asked her if she feels less interested in sex these days like it seems to you, and if she agrees, if she knows why? If she agrees that she doesn’t have as much interest in sex these days, bring up that you’re worried the effect she has on you, namely, cumming quickly, is a turn-off for her. Surely, if you’ve been together this long, this deep and vulnerable conversation won’t be anything too new to you to, and if somehow it is, well you’ve got to start somewhere!
#3.) IF you are helping her cum everytime you do so that you’re both experiencing lots of pleasure when you make love, AND you’ve had that talk and found that she does find it displeasing that her charms have turned you into a minute man, talk to your doctor and buy some books on the subject. There are LOTS of resources on how to last longer in bed. It’s literally been the subject of contemplation of men for God only knows how long! Try out the tried-and-true methods and have fun solving this TOGETHER.