So I (m22) and my ex (f, now 22) broke up last August because she cheated on me for 3 days with another girl who worked for her. My ex and I had no contact for nearly 5 months but she emailed me about a month ago after seeing me in the local shop. She’s been in and out of my life, regularly blocking my number and them emailing me about 5 days later to apologies and try to work things out as friends again. She blocked me one time after telling me she fancies someone new after overdosing a month before due to the girl she cheated on me with leaving her work and not wanting much to do with her. I had told her that I didn’t know if I could be there for her so she blocked me. She’s recently come back telling me to email her when I’m ready to be friends and watch her move on but after I asked to talk to her as I was fed up regarding her coming and going from my life and wanted her to chose one but not both she blocked my number and email and I thought this was the end of it all.
She’s recently messaged me the other day again and I was honest about wanting her to make a choice of being in my life or not and we discussed it and she couldn’t make up her mind so blocked me after telling me to give her a month and see how’s she is doing mentally and physically. I have a feeling she will come back again sooner than that as she’s always felt some closeness and comfort to be able to talk to me like a very close bestfriend but she also says that she will 100% never fee anything for me again but still wants to keep me in her life and makes some effort to have me back and then loses that effort even when I make it back.
I need help knowing what to do because this is affecting me mentally, emotionally and physically. I want her back in my life but some of it is emotions and some is still feelings for her but part of me wants to tell her to leave me alone for goodany advice would be helpful.
4 comments
What about this person makes you want to have her in your life? Or even give her a chance?
You gave her plenty of chances, more than you should have tbh.
Everything about her sounds like she is a bad person. Don’t give me that BS “All she has done is hurt me, but this one thing she does makes me love her”
Protect your mental health by cutting the cord. Be proud and confident in your decision knowing that you deserve better. You have no time for people who are toxic.
I had a very close friend who would do something similar. We became very close as we worked together, and saw eye to eye on a lot of things – social issues, politics, etc. He was struggling financially and didn’t have a car, so I would lend him mine occasionally and gave him rides when possible.
He would get upset about things, usually me not lending him money, and go no contact,
Only to reach back out after time had passed wanting to mend things. I’m a forgiving person, so we would restart the whole cycle again. The last time he texted me about this he said, “I need to cut some people out of my life who aren’t there for me the way I need them to be, so this is good bye” and I wished him well. Surprise, 6 months later I got a text from him – and I ignored it. That was 2 years ago.
It can be painful and confusing breaking ties, but if a person won’t respect your boundaries and your time, they are not a person worth investing your emotions and time in.
Why do you want her in your life? This relationship is bad for both of you. Maybe she has a severe bipolar disorder? She has some major shit to figure out regarding her own mental health, and clearly you aren’t helping that. I think the end goal needs to be her getting serious professional help. Maybe you can propose to only talk to her if she proves she is getting help. If she won’t agree to that then I would completely cut communication to her for good.
I hate to say this, but she’s playing the I can’t decide what I want game, and that’s unhealthy for both of you. I understand caring for her, and wanting to be there for her, but not at the expensive of yourself. This cycle is not going to end until you end it. You’re going to have to decide that your mental health is more important than having her in your life, and block her from contacting you. Break the toxic cycle.