My friends and I formed a group chat and while it started out a uni study group, it quickly became a place for us to share about our day-to-day life, hobbies, and some struggles like with school/job hunt. But recently, I heard someone in the group start using the words I said in the group chat against me, calling me “weird” and “having no social skills” and also making fun of me for not being very academically gifted and having more nontraditional hobbies.
And that leads me to think, where can I even talk about my personal struggles or topics that are closer to me (as opposed to general queries like how to approach a homework problem or fix my computer)? Outside, if I am ever upset, it feels like I have to hide any sign of frustration else I look out of place and immature and god forbid large chats like Discord, where you can easily be judged for saying something out of place (sometimes I hear people in uni making fun of people posting more personal topics on discord or overall just being “annoying”). Then we shrink down to small group chats/one-on-one chats – even that is not safe because if I share aspects of my personal life then it’s fair game for someone like my “friend” to air out to other people and drag me down in the process. I just feel like I have no place in a conversation and that there is really no other people to talk to than my family and 1-2 friends from my hometown.
Additionally, how can I phrase my comments so that they are more welcoming and not “having no social skills”? Usually if I share something small related to my hobbies it’s a picture or a short clip of what I’ve done recently and I’ll probably contextualize what happens, and I do it online. And if I’m just talking about day to day life or personal struggle, again I’ll just say something short. No one likes hearing me talking for a lot so I always just say something short and if they want more to hear then I’ll elaborate. In person, I also try to interject in conversations if I have something to say, or sometimes I might blurt out a comment or question and start a conversation. It seems fine to me, maybe I don’t get a lot of responses, but how is that lacking social skills?
tl;dr I’m just feeling really distraught knowing how even the people I considered close friends really dislike me and I’m trying to backtrack to see where to speak about my life and how to go about doing so. Any advice would be appreciated.
2 comments
True, most people are not curious about the life of others in detail. Everyone has their own life. If I desperatly feel the need to share something with someone I reach out to a friend. I always pay attention not to overdump them with my things, and also show interest about what is happening in their life.
Your uni friend-circle sounds toxic or at the least immature to me. You might want to consider finding different people to chat with. Joining a club that is focused on your special interest is in general a good starting point.
>I heard someone in the group start using the words I said in the group chat against me, calling me “weird” and “having no social skills” and also making fun of me for not being very academically gifted and having more nontraditional hobbies.
Kick that dumba*s from that group chat.
>even that is not safe because if I share aspects of my personal life then it’s fair game for someone like my “friend” to air out to other people
You’re right those are only “friends”. Real friends would not air out stuff about you but support you instead. You seem to have more “friends” than friends. Keep on trying to find more (real) friends, they are out there for sure! (And dump the wrong ones.)