(27M) I have been single and actively dating for the past year. Here are some basic things I have learned about first dates.

Hey guys,

Been single for a year now and have gone on dates with around 30 or so different women. Some good, some not so good. Here is some basic advice for the guys here.

\*disclaimer: I met the vast majority of these women from Hinge, so take that into account

\*\*disclaimer 2: I am not trying to generalize all women in this post. There will be exceptions to these tips, as women are not a hive mind. These are just commonalities I have noticed while going on dates with different types of women with different backgrounds.

**Before the date:**

You’re exchanging messages back and forth. She’s responding to you and putting in effort, not just one word replies. If you are having a consistent conversation with her, do not hesitate to suggest a date and move it over to texting. Women like men who know what they want, not someone who is going to beat around the bush and never pull the trigger. It is important you try to move off of the app and into the actual IRL date as quickly as you can.

I always try to schedule the date within 3-4 days if they are available. Anything longer than that is less likely to happen. This will also prevent you two texting too much and either running out of things to say or losing interest or learning too much about them before the date which is where you really want to get to know them. I usually will say something like, “If you’re free on x day we should get drinks and get to know each other. What’s your number?”. This will work 9 times out of 10 if the conversation was going well to begin with.

Women like men who take initiative, so make sure you have a plan for your date (place and time, picking her up or meeting there, etc.). It will make her feel special and will show that you can take the lead and make decisions. I do not think any woman wants to plan a first date. You’re the one asking her out, so you’re the one who needs to plan.

You’re meeting this girl for the first time, so you don’t need to pick anywhere super fancy/expensive or do anything crazy. There’s a nice wine bar in my city that’s not too expensive, it’s casual and has a romantic vibe and it’s a great date spot.

**The Date**

Your outfit, style, and grooming are important for making a first impression. Of course, looks aren’t everything, but you want to present the best version of yourself. It says a lot about you and how you carry yourself.

On most of my dates I wear something similar. Solid color t-shirt made out of good material and fits well, darker colored denim, slip on shoes that can be dressed up or down, and a minimal wrist watch. A good long sleeve button up shirt can work well too, especially if you roll up the sleeves. It sounds somewhat basic, but I have gotten a lot of compliments from girls on my outfit/style. The key is to find clothes that **fit you well** and not to go overboard with logos and accessories.

So now you’re at the date spot, looking damn good in your outfit. You’re going to feel your stomach knot up when you see her walking towards you, but that’s okay because she is feeling the same way, if not more nervous.

Something I have noticed: women are often more nervous than you are. Sometimes they will even admit they are nervous. They have reason to be more nervous than you are, because they are meeting a strange man. So it’s important that you are respectful to her and make her feel safe/comfortable.

I always give them a hug and tell them it’s great to finally meet them. Do not overthink this, do not try to shake hands with them or make no physical contact for an introduction. She will feel safer with you and it will show you are confident and that you’ve done this before.

Now to get to know each other. Always make sure you’re asking questions, and avoid talking about yourself the entire time (unless she asks you questions about yourself). If you’re nervous, your instinct may be to start babbling, but she will pick up on that and no one wants to be on a date with someone who doesn’t let them speak or show interest by asking questions.

Make sure to give her some type of compliment. It doesn’t have to be over the top, but sincere. You could say something like “you look great” which isn’t inherently bad, but women (especially attractive women) get complimented on their looks all the time, so try to be a bit more creative. “I really like your style/energy/vibe” will go a longer way. Key is to compliment her on something she has control of, not just her genetics.

**Be honest** about what you want and what you’re looking for. I think it’s common for a lot of guys to tell girls what they think they want to hear (“I’m looking for a relationship/something serious”) rather than what they are actually looking for (“I’m not looking for anything serious/dating casually”). Of course, if you are looking for a relationship then say that, but don’t lie because you think it’s what she wants to hear. You’d be surprised at how many girls are just looking for casual fun and not just boyfriends, and once you are both on the same page of what you want, everything will be a lot smoother.

Other general date tips: hold eye contact, have open body language, smile often, relax and act like you do this often (without saying it), avoid talking about polarizing issues, ex’s, or other hot button topics.

When it comes to who pays, my rule is if you think the date went well and you want to see her again, **offer to pay**. It’s likely she may suggest to split it, as many girls don’t want to feel indebted to a guy the just met, and in that case split it. Either way, be prepared to pay the check if you like her and want to see her again. There is no shame in asking to split the check if the date did not go well or you don’t see a future in this.

After the check is taken care of, and assuming that it went well and you like her and want to see her again, here is what I do and it is always responded to very well: Hold her hand while you walk her to her car/ride. Don’t announce it or make it weird, just do it. This used to make me nervous, but I have never had a girl respond negatively to that. It will show your confidence and ability to lead and make her feel safe. Plus, who doesn’t want to be seen walking out with a pretty girl holding your hand/arm? Obviously don’t do this if you have no interest/chemistry.

I always go for the kiss after walking her to her car. Many girls want you to kiss them, and they don’t want to make the first move, so give her a hug and as the hug is ending and your heads are lingering, just go for it. If she dodges you or says no then obviously respect her boundaries, but a turn on for a lot of women is a confident man going for the kiss and not being nervous about it or avoiding it. I have read on Reddit that some girls like when guys ask “Can I kiss you?”, but I have also seen an equal amount of women say that they would be turned off by that. Read the room, and act accordingly, just don’t be a creep or try to kiss her when she is clearly not interested.

**After the date**

Assuming you both had a good time, got to know each other, and shared a kiss, text her and let her know you had a great time and would like to see her again. This will make her feel special and she won’t question herself and wonder how you feel. This is where you can start to plan your next date. Maybe it can be something fun and adventurous, or maybe you’re just going to have her come over if that’s what you both want. Remember, you had a fun date but you aren’t official and don’t owe each other anything, so keep in touch with her but also give her some space.

Overall one of my biggest pieces of advice is to just be the most confident version of yourself. This will look different on different guys, but she will appreciate this and you won’t have to wonder if she likes you for you, or the act you put on for her. Maybe that version isn’t going to be received well by one girl, but it could have another girl all over you for being your authentic self.

I really hope this post helps any guys who are struggling. The first date is nerve-wracking, but after some practice it will feel much more natural and fun.