Hello! I am currently a college student. Recently, I’ve been feeling so tired and drained from school since our classes became face-to-face due to the pandemic. I’ve also been a really quiet person since elementary school, but not at home. It’s like I have different personalities, lol, but now I’m a bit balanced! I am still scared when speaking out, probably due to puberty, in which I had a hard time finding my male voice and spoke in a high-tone falsetto all the time (it was traumatizing seeing them laugh every time I spoke before). I’m also not good at continuing conversations, like meeting people or joining classes, even though some are my classmates from the previous school. Lately, I think I’m a people-pleaser since I want to really make connections in this new school, but it’s super hard. But I met two people who really made me feel normal in my own skin; they seem confident too, and I’m glad they look happy going with me sometimes. The other’s, it feels like I can’t make intimate relationships with them, and that’s probably also me having trust issues, and that I’m also really slow in thinking of topics to talk about or understand theirs (I don’t have a high IQ). Sometimes I just sit quietly while they are all laughing, and I also want to laugh, but I just can’t enjoy it when I’m so drained from talking and analyzing their behavior if I say something wrong. Right now, I’ve completely given up and just talk when I want to. I want to conserve my energy while also talking to others, but sometimes I just automatically go into people-pleasing mode, which is tiring for me. I also don’t have a good memory and my mind usually drifts off on a conversation like I just want to feel normal and communicate to them too but my brain just stops or maybe full of fear. I’m also really introverted and maybe a boring person due to me only making art all the time when I’m alone. I’m also really avoidant before but I’m trying. I also want to make boy friends since I usually have girls or gays as my friend since I’m gay lol and never had a long term boy friend and I don’t understand how they see me and I just get anxious when talking to them and chicken out.
Please give me tips 🥺🥺🥺