I (M) bought a sex toy back in December to explore my “p-spot” and I kept it from her because she made it clear that she didn’t want to know what I did out of the bedroom with myself. She found out that I bought it and has been yelling at me over text about being a whore that will never be satisfied. Mind you I never ask this woman for sex or any sexual favours, I let her come to me when she’s ready. Now she’s telling me that she didn’t want me to talk about what I do outside of the bedroom because it makes her insecure. She specifically doesn’t like that I didn’t tell her.
This is a couple days after we have a conversation about whether I’d let her moon people in a party as a joke and I said no because I found it disrespectful. After that she called me a controlling asshole.
Is it wrong for me to have bought this for myself and not tell her?
19 comments
This is not a normal reaction from your girlfriend. Her trying to control your masturbation like this and getting so upset about it is a red flag. Also, her accusing you of being controlling because you didn’t want her showing parts of her naked body at a party is another red flag.
At this point I think she’s doing you a favor, because who needs that sort of negativity, shaming, and abusive language in their life?
Now you’re free to find someone who not only won’t shame you, but will actively encourage and be positive about it.
It’s great when people tell on themselves early in the game!
I am not perfect either guys. This is one problem in a sea of many others (that I‘ve been very much working on.) Assume we’re both weird.
It’s not wrong for you to have bought it. And she specifically told you not to tell her what you do when she isn’t there, so it was the moral thing to not tell her.
She’s insecure for no reason and sound immature.
Don’t put your dick in crazy.
If anyone calls me an asshole, or any other insult, they out the door.
Dodge this bullet dude. I have a drawer of p-toys. My fiancé knows about them and it isn’t a problem at all. Anyone that would judge you for you wanting pleasure is just not a good person.
I’m reading this trying to understand. So she’s mad bc you didn’t tell her what she already said she didn’t want to know anything about? Head games and gaslighting only get worse over time as they figure out your quirks and buttons. Quit while you are ahead.
It sounds like your sex toy makes a MUCH happier relationship. Dump the girl and go with that.
It’s wrong of you to want to stay with her. She sounds awful. Take the win and move on
I figure this is why you didn’t tell her. In healthy relationships I recommend honesty and openness. However, she seems to have reacted pretty much exactly how you thought she would. I think “I would have been okay if you had just told me about it” is usually a lie to pass blame.
Uh 😒 that is a crazy chick and a controlling one at that. I think she is projecting. If she were a guy we would tell her counter part that is abusive and controlling. For some reason there is a double standard for men and I don’t think it’s fair. However, I do think you will be a lot happier with out crazy chick. A good partner wouldn’t care about toys. Like they are great aids not replacements for human beings.
Reverse the roles and you’d call that sexually controlling and abusive.
If she had a dildo would you blow up at her? How is that fair?
Breaking up was the best thing that could have happened.
You just dodged a bullet.
Run now
“she made it clear that she didn’t want to know what I did out of the bedroom with myself”
I get that different couples have different expectations about communication, privacy, etc. But you’re going with what she tells you. The kind of abusive language she’s using is totally uncalled for. It’s good that you’re not together now. Raise your standards, friend.
You need a lot of work. You’re comfortable when treated poorly and emotionally idolise / sympathise with someone who views you as an accessory. You feel you’re there for her, to help her, to see past the flaws as you excuse behaviour that nobody who loves themselves properly would tolerate. Maybe you had an upbringing that established this kind of dynamic as a survival mechanism. But the writing is on the wall, we all agree you should leave this girl well alone more for your own sake than hers, and if you find that easy to shrug off or it makes you want to double down then that’s an issue. It’s great to want to be a good person and see inner beauty, but please, not at your own expense.
How would it sound if you were convincing someone else to stay with this girl when you have to talk about the flaws you so readily downplay?
I’m glad she revealed herself. I hope you don’t suffer much, but it was for the best, believe it.
You’ll find someone great who will be into your way, happily and lightly.
If you are going to have a BPD girlfriend get one that will at least peg you.