I was watching a movie clip on Youtube and my boyfriend of a few years said that the female actor in that movie hit her prime at that particular age and she doesn’t look as good anymore.
I asked him to elaborate and basically he said that most women hit 23 and thats the best they’ll look, after that their looks decline, not to say that they get ugly or aren’t beautiful anymore, but they just won’t be AS beautiful as they were at that age.
I told him I respectfully disagree, lots of women look better in theirs 30’s than in their 20’s.
We kind of got into a back and forth argument when he said ‘facts over feelings’ and that I can’t take what he said to heart because it is a fact that most women hit their peak in their 20’s. I was hurt by what he said but I told him that he shouldn’t be generalizing and saying that a statement like that is a fact when it’s not. A lot of men/women have different thoughts on when a women hits their ‘prime’ and it isn’t universal.
He kept telling me that the few women who don’t hit prime in their 20’s are anomalies and at the end of the day majority wins. The argument strayed from this and turned into an argument about how I let my feelings cloud my judgement. We got into a heated fight where he said he’s shocked that I’m the kind of person who puts my feelings over facts. He reassured me that what he said wasn’t directed towards me, I guess he caught onto the fact that I felt he wasn’t going to be as attracted to me anymore as I age.
This behaviour is out of pocket for him, he doesn’t act like this and our relationship has always been strong. We’re both strong minded people but we’ve always respectfully handled our disagreements. This one felt different, I went home and we haven’t spoken since (been a few hours)
How do I move forward? I’m wondering now if I let my feelings cloud my judgement and maybe I attacked him because I felt personally attacked. I want him to understand that I just disagree with his statement, regardless if it hurt me or not
TLDR: boyfriend said women hit their physical prime at age 23 and I told him that I disagree and he said I’m putting my feelings over facts
40 comments
His preferences about physical appearance are also feelings rather than facts and 23 is weirdly specific.
I think your boyfriend personally was sucking things out of his thumb. A fact needs to be scientifically proven. But I digress, he was baiting you and being an ass. Anyone would’ve gotten upset by his line of thought. My ex used to do this, pick fights over stupid topics to prove he was superior to win arguments. Literally would argue about Zips. That morphed into abuse, I’m not sure this is what the rest of your relationship is but if this is a regular thing you may need to re-acess.
This sounds like what the masculinists are preaching. See if he folllows them on youtube or podcasts If he does this is just the beginning because it will get worse.
He’s been following Leo di Caprio. Expect to be dumped on your 25th birthday.
Some “men” value a woman by her physical looks and age above anything else. Their brains and personality dont matter.
He is one of them. He is a shallow arse.
Sounds like he’s been watching too many MGTOW videos.
23 is oddly precise, lol.
Nevertheless, I’d offhand agree that he’s ballpark-correct, in just one sense:
women’s **looks** can tend to peak about then, and stay AT peak for quite a bit longer.
Looks aren’t unimportant, but what makes many guys fall crazy in love is….. well,
a whole lot more complicated than just looks, and that ball of wax tends to get better
as a woman matures in wisdom and power.
JM2c
His boner over younger women does not count as scientific data.
1) Why are HIS feelings facts and yours aren’t? (FYI, he’s 100% wrong obviously)
2) what a weird fucking thing to say to your GF who is 1 year older than the age he just said he will start to not find you as attractive anymore. Is this his dumbass way of telling you he’s finding you less attractive???
He’s insulting you, has misogynistic views on women as a whole, AND is now attempting to gaslight you into believing that anything he thinks is “scientific facts” and what you believe is stupid. Think about how he’s acting objectively and if you want to deal with that in all other areas of life going forward.
Interestengly, I did google it, and it seems they talk about early 30s as the peak beauty.
The problem isnt if he is right or not, but the fact that he uses line like: “I let my feelings cloud my judgement”. It isn’t respectful even if true. Because it happens to every human on some degree.
You need to communicate about how you were arguing and that certain methods aren’t acceptable. He should use arguments and not personal attacks.
I’m also concerned what underlying ideology and if it’s compatible with you.
>boyfriend said women hit their physical prime at age 23 and I told him that I disagree and he said I’m putting my feelings over facts
My answer would be this: Don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
>I asked him to elaborate and basically he said that most women hit 23 and thats the best they’ll look, after that their looks decline, not to say that they get ugly or aren’t beautiful anymore, but they just won’t be AS beautiful as they were at that age.
My response: “Ok. Source please”.
>. I was hurt by what he said but I told him that he shouldn’t be generalizing and saying that a statement like that is a fact when it’s not.
My question would be: “What’s the motivation in telling you this”? I mean, there’s a reason why you two are fighting over this subjective, individualistic topic, and he’s trying to get something out of you. My question is, what is it?
>The argument strayed from this and turned into an argument about how I let my feelings cloud my judgement
Unless he has some academic sources to back up what he’s claiming (I doubt it), then he’s gaslighting you. His “theory” is based on a feeling as well.
>How do I move forward?
He’s been your boyfriend of “a few years” (let’s say 3 years). He basically told you that you are no longer at your “prime”. He revealed what he really things. Let me walk and find another woman who’s in her “prime”.
Why do I feel like I know what political party he’s in? That facts over feelings bullshit is one of their lovely little mottos. And how funny that he’s trying to use his opinion as fact. Moron.
Your boyfriend is a nonce. Do you want to stay with someone who thinks you’re less attractive because you hit some arbitrary age?
Well, if he thinks you’re over your prime, time for a new boyfriend!
>’facts over feelings’
There are no facts in what he is telling. Or he has a very elaborate method in which he can prove his hypothesis? (which I doubt)
>The argument strayed from this and turned into an argument about how I let my feelings cloud my judgement.
Oh, ad hominem. Another reason to find a new boyfriend.
Tell him that you think men reach their prime when they are 27 and that you will not put up with his sub-par looks and intelligence and will therefore be single from now on.
He likely watched Kevin Samuels videos.
Samuels references fertility as a part of it.
You can move forward by moving on with your life without this pile of sentient trash. You are going to age. Why would you ever be with someone who didn’t think YOU as a person were beautiful? Why would you ever be with someone who thinks you’ve PEAKED when the whole point of being with someone is that you are partners taking on life together to reach NEW heights.
Seriously, ditch the dead weight and find someone who values you.
You dump that red pill user, that’s how. Facts? Lol
Well, he just quoted Ben Shapiro, so……I’d dump this dude asap. But that’s just me!
Then do yourself both a favor and dump him?
Time to move on and find a mature adult, you’re clearing too ~~old~~ mature for him.
Your boyfriend has been on YouTube watching some total bollocks. The “facts don’t care about feelings” line is a dead giveaway and it’s used only by people who ignore actual evidence that doesn’t fit how they feel about something.
Up to you what you do about it but personally I would be too embarrassed to be in a relationship with someone like this.
He is quite judge-y about how people look. You are at your prime based on his logic and he will always be evaluating how you look now vs then. This would be a deal breaker for me. You will find someone that is a better guy than this. Your bf will be with a young one again after you.
If he’s gonna take the ‘fact over feelings’ route then tell him factually as a woman you’re most likely to seek out the richest man with the biggest dong. Maybe *factually* you should be doing that instead of settling for your mediocre bf.
You clearly recognize this as the thinly veiled attempt to neg you so treat it as such and act accordingly.
Guys like this act like ‘men are hardwired to do blah blah find the youngest woman with biggest boobs’. These mofos forget that biologically that’s also true for women and **unlike men** we actually have the opportunity to pursue that. Anyone going through it, remind your partners this
This kind of opinion indicates someone who thinks of women as purely visual things for him to look at and not whole people with their own lives and goals. Mans a misogynist, and youre not going to be the exception.
I have reached ancient relic status at 43, score!
OP, I’m older, like 60, and I’m not as attractive as I used to be. Duh. But from my perspective, your BF just had a fit because you took issue when he told you “You’re not getting any prettier Babe, you peaked last year!” Because that’s obviously not a nice thing to say. It sounds a bit like he’s trying to make you feel like you wouldn’t be able to do better than him (being on such a downward slide lol). It sounds like the kind of manipulative Patriarchy bullshit that has gone on wayyyyy to long. So just counter with the undeniable fact that men’s ability to have sex multiple times in quick succession peaks in their teens. See what he thinks about that.
I don’t know why you’re doubting yourself. He sounds like a tool who doubles down when called out on misogynistic BS. How’s this for a fact. Men don’t peak until they got their forties so maybe you’re wasting your peak self on a pissy baby man
Your boy is getting red-pilled. Soon he will start using terms like “High-Value” men/women and starting uncomfortable conversations about your “number”. Good luck…push back on this bullshit.
Oh he’d date teenagers if it weren’t for the age of consent huh
This definitely feels like some manosphere/red pill misogynistic bullshit. And if it’s a sudden change/out of character for him, he may have recently fallen into listening/watching certain channels on youtube or podcasts, or had friends starting to negatively influence his ideas on women and relationships.
And 23 is oddly specific, especially as you are just a year older…it almost feels like a negging tactic to start making you feel insecure in your relationship and status with him. I don’t want to necessarily say “dump him” over this one incident if it was so out of character for him, but if his attitude change persists and he continues to show no remorse or understanding of how insulting he was being? Yeah, time to hit the road.
Well tell him now that you’re 24 you won’t subject him to the pain of watching you decay so you’re dumping him.
Move on. He’s a creep and trying to make you insecure. He doesn’t even believe his own bullshit, he just wants to make you insecure so you won’t leave him for someone better (because 9 out of 10 men are better than him).
You are 24. He specifically told you you will never be hot again and are in a slow decline, then stood back and was like *”why are you getting all mad you crazy emotional woman? you can’t be mad at science.”*
Friend, he negged you. Then he wore you down into thinking your objection to him putting you down is just you… being overly emotional. Because of scientific fact he made up that’s actually (gasp) an opinion.
Anyway, it’s a cheap shot to insult you and pretend it isn’t. But it’s also a cheaty way to win an argument. Frame something as a fact (when it is not a fact it’s an opinion- and a rather misogynistic one at that) then when the other person objects tell them they are irrational.
>We’re both strong minded people but we’ve always respectfully handled our disagreements.
Yeah, well, it’s easier for him to get someone used to his shitty worldview in small increments, convince you he loves to “debate” & is reasonable and respectful, then slowly trickle out the grosser side of how he thinks.
Really hold onto how crazy and weird this made you feel and remember that feeling. Because if you stay in this relationship that feeling will come up again and it will probably increase in amount and duration. Know that feeling like “am I nuts? am I being irrational?” is what people are actually talking about when they use the term gaslighting (often thrown around and misused).
Also he’s 28. I assume he met you when you were 23 or younger? Just, ew.
Sounds like he has feelings he thinks are facts. Dump him.
He’s not entirely wrong but he is a bit of an ass for saying that to you
Dump the second coming of Leonardo DiCaprio.
God i love how this sub is just filled with angry people telling other people to dump their S/O at the drop of a hat. Over a silly argument no less
I think you are overreacting a little and wouldn’t look too much into his comment (and definitely don’t listen to some of the dramatic comments here). While each person is different, you just need to look at the average model to conclude that that he has a point to some degree. They are mostly below 25. Is that saying that everyone peaks around 23, or that people above 25 are not attractive or that no one can prefer older men or women? Not at all, but he has some basis for his argument.
Edited because I forgot the most important part: Your boyfriend is still an ass for making you feel this way. I think he was too occupied with ‘being right’ that he didn’t consider your feelings.
His statement is scientifically and sociologically accurate. Go ahead, look it up. “Tis true.
His “feelings” about this are immature and misogynistic. He certainly isn’t presenting any facts to support this ugliness.
You might want to consider if this is a good person to stay with – he really doesn’t seem like a good long-term partner.
Other people have elaborated better than me but that’s a red flag.
Scientifically speaking, your boyfriend is an idiot. Sure, young women can be very attractive. So can women in their 40s.