The misses loves him I do too, but it’s just too much stress. We got him because we had trouble conceiving. It took her mind of off things and I was like ok if it helps you. Now we’re blessed with a little guy who after almost 2 years still doesn’t sleep through the night. My diet, exercise is fine. We go to bed now at 20/21-ish to at least have some hours in before the little guy awakes. We’re both working almost full-time jobs. Can’t really lower that. The dog is just too much. Needs to be walked, but also cared for. After work I have to be emotionally present for my wife and the kid ánd this dog who also needs attention. I can’t muster the energy and I have the feeling I cannot get at ease in my own house. Dog has got to go to increase rest, but my wife says she’ll never forgive me. It’s 2,5 years old and will probably live until 10~12. I’m daydreaming every day of killing it, or that someone will drive him over. Any advice?
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You can rehome the dog, but I think you’ll find that it causes tension with your wife and probably won’t bring as much peace as you’d hoped.
Can you send it to doggy day care a few days a week?
I hired 2x a day dog walkers & a poop scooper service when I was overwhelmed with multiple babies. You need to delegate some work for a bit. The dog is also very young & needs more. As they get older they can become less energetic.
There’s also lots of activities you can do with the dog that are easy. Eg we taught our dog to find treats. Make your dog sit and stay in say a laundry, then hide a bunch of tiny treats around the house. Then tell them “go find it”. Usually have to restrain them first, then show them. It’s fun & they may search for hours if you’re lucky.
There’s also hanging toys. We bought out dog a ball on a pole, he plays with that etc.
Imagine wanting to be a father and not being able to tolerate the simple needs of a dog. It must be so antagonizing to have to take your pet out for a walk, feed it, and give it attention. Certainly, those sort of responsibilities would drive a person to fantasize about killing your family pet.
> I’m daydreaming every day of killing it, or that someone will drive him over. Any advice?
Yeah – don’t kill the dog. It didn’t ask to get to your place. Its entire life lasts only 10-15 years. It loves its pack. The least you could do after taking on the responsibility of his life is to give him a good life for the time he is here. That could mean finding a proper home for him.
If you wife wants the dog and you don’t, she should be doing all the work it requires.
I’d rather get rid of the kid though, personally..
I feel bad for everyone who knows you. You were better off not having that child !
What’s the breed? Purebred dogs you really shouldn’t have much trouble re-homing. Pitbulls, not so much. The shelters all over america are literally stuffed to the gills with them. There’s a over-breeding issue no one wants to address.
First off, don’t kill the dog. If you feel like you might, leave the house until you’ve had a chance to get yourself sorted.
Take a vacation – just a few days. Plan out in advance how you’re going to unwind. You sound exhausted.
next up – figure out why you have to be constantly attentive to the dog while it’s awake. You should be able to sleep while the dog is awake. It shouldn’t be waking you up, or behaving so badly you need to keep a constant eye on it. That’s a training issue if either of those things are happening. Get help with training it if that’s the case.
After that, sign up for some couples therapy. Your wife gave you an ultimatum for talking about a solution to the dog situation that’s worsening your mental health. That isn’t a healthy situation or how spouses are supposed to support each other.
Take stock of your life. Make sure you have a support network outside the house. See friends, get support. Don’t suffer in silence.
Ultimately, if your wife wants to keep the dog, she needs to be taking the lead on caring for it. You still need to help because you’re her partner. At the end of the day, though, she wants the dog around and the extra effort of care is making your life worse.
If you’re feeling this burned out something needs to change.
Take the dog to the shelter and help to ensure that it can have a better life too. You’re on a path to neglecting the dog, and it’s not going to change as long as you aren’t in a partnership with regard to caring for the dog.
Your health and real life with family is more important than a pet, in any case. You can get another dog later if you want and reclaim your life now.
get rid of it and your wife resents you. keep it and you’ll be bitching about how hard your life is. tough decision.
Wow, good luck parenting. Infancy is the easy part no matter what anyone says, wait until that child learns how to tell you no. The dog should be the easiest part of this whole scenario. You should exercise the dog for your mental health, it sounds like you need it. Take baby and dog out for a walk, babies need fresh air too. Whatever you do, it isn’t the dog, wife or child that is the issue though. Dad’s can get PPD too, visit your doctor.
The dog might still be in the “puppy stage” sometimes that will last till they are 3-4 years old. At least he isn’t destroying or chewing up your place. Try to stick it out for another year or so, the dog might chill out a bit.
Also maybe add running to your fitness regime and take the dog with you! A tired pup is a happy pup.
>but my wife says she’ll never forgive me.
Why isn’t she taking on the bulk of the dog work then given that she’s the one who really wants him? Just personally once I had kids pets felt like a complete waste of time in comparison, I really don’t want to ever have pets again.
I love the people recommending more exercise though, like what you need after a night of interrupted sleep and a long day of work is to run down a dog too. And if you’re going to bed at 8pm that means you have basically no time to just unwind from the day.
Your dog is only a small part of your life, but you and your family are 100% of his/her life.
“I’m daydreaming every day of killing it, or that someone will drive him over”
Re-home the dog, and check into therapy.
Don’t listen to other people telling you to “that you should re-home”.. no, this needs to happened ASAP, as you’re thinking irrationally.
Sounds like you’ve got quite a few issues going on up top, that each need to be addressed.
You exercise daily? Why not make the dog part of your exercise regimen?
Who takes care of the dog? Is it just you or does your wife takes care of it too? Rotate resposibility of walking the dog each week, or two weeks. The way you describe things makes me think that dog is not the issue, but other things are bothering you. You need to accept that for at least next 13-14 years you will not have time for yourself as you had before you had a child. Perhaps you need 1 hour less sleep and take that time for youself. Either go to sleep later or wake up earlier and take that time just for yourself. Having a kid changes everything and takes almost all of your free time. Also, when your kid turns 15-16, you will not even be 50 years old, and then your kid will be outside all day and you will have much, much, much more time for yourself and your hobbies.
You know that if you kill the poor thing, you are depriving your kid his best buddy?