My MIL (59, F) has banned me from her house. I won’t go into why (you can read my other posts) but basically, she does not want anything to do with me ever again.
My partner (33, M) visits her every Saturday morning with his son (11, M) and talks to her most days. He is very close with her and will succumb to her requests due to the fact he’s scared if he doesn’t she will cut him off like she has with me and has done with other family members in the past.
I wanted to ask if anyone has any experience dealing with a MIL who is toxic when their partner is very close with them?
I find myself thinking of plans to annoy her, but that’s not me at all. I just want to focus on my own life without her behaviour affecting me, but I do get upset when my partner goes to hers as she’s been pretty toxic towards me. He’ll chat about his time at hers and I find myself getting a bit sad because I feel like I’m missing out on important memories with him, his son, and his other family members (his brother 37M, his brother’s wife 27,F) and birthday, Christmases because his MIL is toxic.
I normally just acknowledge what he’s saying but don’t ask questions and try and make an effort with the other family members at other times, but they don’t see each other much outside of this time at his mum’s. I’m starting to resent my partner for not addressing her unreasonable behaviour. How do I deal with this?
TL;DR – My partner is super close with his mum, who hates me. How do I deal with it without it causing a rift between myself and my partner?
4 comments
I would resent him too, take your kid and leave this asshole.
It sounds like your partner has made clear that his mother’s approval is the most important thing to him, more important than standing up for you and ensuring you feel loved and respected. If that’s accurate, then choosing to stay with him means choosing to be in second place. Which is a valid choice, but you should accept it instead of thinking that he might change when he has told you he won’t be changing.
That being said, if he insists on talking and spending time with this woman who treats you like crap, he doesn’t need to talk to you about it if there’s no reason to bring it up.
I’d say it’s fine if he takes his son to visit her without you but he needs to grow a pair when it comes to the holidays and family events. He shouldn’t allow her to exclude you or rather he should stay home with you if she insists on excluding you. Whatever her problem is, she can suck it up for a handful of times a year.
Break up