She casually brings up past sexual partners and it bothers me at times. She’s even friends with a few of them still and wants me to be friends with them. Since I am inexperienced I feel really intimidated by all of this. I wouldn’t do this to her if the roles were switched

27 comments

  4. She talks about her past sexual encounters and is friends with them? Yeah how about no. If I were you I’d date someone and deflower myself with someone with more self respect and respect for me

  5. If you find it toxic and uncomfortable then it’s time to move on and be with some who connects with you
    Someone who understands you

  6. There’s nothing wrong with being friends with your exes, and being open about your past. Similarly, there’s nothing wrong with your discomfort or insecurity. But the two of you need to get on the same page, or break up. Figure out boundaries that work and stick to them, or you’re not compatible.

  7. I really don’t understand why so many people are encouraging you to just have sex with her and be done with it

    Are you not considering the first person you have sex with to be someone that respects you and you her?

    I mean I understand that men could care less who they have sex with, but I truly believe this is something that needs to be reformed. Men need to learn how to have some respect for their bodies as well.

    If you are just looking to loose your virginity, which is not all it’s hyped up to be…why not find somebody that is respectable, that you’re truly connected with in some way, and that will probably not give you a STI/ STD (this is assuming that you and your partner will be testing before having sex)?

  8. Listen, as someone who’s not that into sex, I would personally love to find a guy out there like you (unfortunately I think I might be a couple years too old for you). And I know I’m not the only one. Are you really, really in love with this girl? If so, I would have a long and serious talk with her. Be open and honest. If you’re not feeling too much chemistry with her, I would break it off. But whatever you do, I would not have sex with her just because you feel pressured to. That’s something that should happen on its own time when YOU want it too! Like you said, you wouldn’t do this to her if the roles were switched, so all the comments saying things like “just sleep with her” seem very problematic to me. People would throw a fit if the genders were reversed and commenters were pressuring a woman to sleep with a guy…so why are people so okay to pressure a guy to sleep with a woman? All I’m trying to say is, whatever you do, make sure it is *your* decision. 💛💛💛

  9. As someone who lived through this(besides the part where she wanted me to be friends with them) I am telling you right now to walk away. If you feel bad right now the toxicity is going to.make you feel even worse months or years down the line.

    Respect yourself enough to walk away.

  10. Something I’ve said to people I’ve dated in the past:

    “I don’t want to know about your previous sexual partners or what you’ve done with them. Discussing what you like is totally cool, but I don’t want to know specifically what you did with who.”

    I know I have jealous tendencies, and hearing about these things eats away at me; it makes me feel bad. My most recent ex had an incredibly high libido and was clearly experienced, and we went on to share the most fulfilling and deep sexual connection I’ve ever had with anyone. She never broached this boundary once.

  11. I’m gonna say an obvious thing:

    I believe that if you are confused or uncomfortable about something in your relationships, you need to talk with your partner. Conversations are the only way to either push the relationship to progress, or to find out that it would be better to end it, since one of the partners (or both) does not want to cooperate.
    But please don’t just accumulate it inside your head.
    It’s not helping to solve the problem and it’s kinda bad for you health.
    Good luck.

  12. A respectful and decent human being (any gender) won’t ever bring the topic of past sexual experience as a tool to put pressure/stir jealousy of their partners ! It’s just not a common decency behaviour, no matter what the reason is !

    I am not gonna tell you to break up right away because I don’t know the details……

    But I would strongly recommend you to sit down with her and have a serious conversation, be honest and open like how you did here, tell her your boundary !

    If she loves you, she will respect your boundary and appreciate your input. Otherwise, you get the answer man, break up with her then and move on ! plenty of respectful women out there that they will respect their partners !

    Trust me, there is a respectful and genuine person out there who will treat you well and see the real person inside you ! Don’t settle down for mistreatement ! You are still 24 yo, really no rush over at all !

    P.S. If she gets defensive and/or rude at you for telling her your boundary, you need to break up with her man….again, I strongly recommend you to not settle down for mistreatement and disrespect !

  13. Doesn’t sound like y’all are compatible if you’ve talked to her about this stuff, and she persists. If you haven’t talked to her about it, you should. Also, I’d be wary of exes as friends

  14. If your girlfriend is friends with her previous sexual partners and constantly talks about it and the sex she’s had with them even though you told her to stop and never asked about it. Just leave man, she has absolutely no respect for you and anyone who did would never bring up their previous sexual experiences or partners in the first place. And definitely not tell you to be friends with them. Just break up with her and let her get around with her other “male friends”. She doesn’t sound like a good person at all. You guys haven’t even had sex yet meaning you’re early into this relationship and she’s talking about this shit, that’s a red flag

  17. It sounds like you two are not compatible. How she thinks is extremely important to the success of your relationship. If she is insensitive to how you feel, that doesn’t sound like a suitable partner to me. Also, if you have waited to have sex this long, why would you give something so precious to someone who thinks about sex in such a cavalier way? Wait for someone who is worthy—-like your wife. #mytwocents #ijs

  18. You need to set healthy boundaries. If she knows how that makes you feel and continues with the comments that’s clearly boundaries you’ve set being crossed. It’s disrespectful and I wouldn’t tolerate it myself…

    Now im no virgin🤣 I have at least 3 kids lol but I am very old fashioned. Im monogamous and to me sex isn’t just something you do. I have to have a connection with someone to even consider “bumping uglies”

    How long have you dated? Are you a virgin because you have chose to be up until this point? Is it the whole waiting til marriage thing?? Just want to clarify with you a few of my own questions.

    Fact is there is way to many factors to take into consideration for your question to be answered honestly. You need to stand your ground if she knows how uncomfortable this makes you and still continues then that’s a major boundary she’s breaking and it needs to be acknowledged.

  19. Big 🚩 don’t even bother getting laid just cos people say it’s what is. Seems like you respect yourself and have no less the same for her, so just leave, you don’t need to live through these mental gymnastics of asking her for clarity if she sleeps with exs, you’d only get blamed for being inexperienced.

  21. Huge red flag – walk away whilst you can. If she wants you to be friends with her lovers that’s just weird and it’s humiliating for you knowing that a bunch of guys you’ve surrounded yourself with have fucked her.

  22. Dramatic people get a kick out of being dramatic. They can’t leave well enough alone and mistake experience with wisdom. It sounds more like she doesn’t respect boundaries very well. It’s not about being jealous. It’s more like you don’t want to be thought of as a just some random person she decided to take interest in. Interest can be fleeting for those types. They get bored easily and cause problems. The best thing to do is let her know you don’t want or need that information as it doesn’t add any value to your relationship. I hate it when people compare you to every single dummy they were with in the past. I surely don’t want or need to be friends with their exes either. That just sounds like a setup for failure. They are trying to get attention from too many people.

  23. I don’t know if you want to hear this but if you can’t get comfortable with a person your dating’s sexual history, it’ll never work. I’ll be honest, I’d feel the same exact way as you. Why? Idk cause reasons. But I’d know there’d be nothing I could really to get over that intimidation. I don’t have any great advice on how you can just not feel this way and definitely you’re not going to get it from Reddit. Maybe a therapist. You might want to end things and know that you’ve learned you need someone who doesn’t have an extensive sexual history. Whatever you do please don’t get married until this is completely resolved, you’ll set your life up for disaster.

  24. Stop going to Reddit for advice is my only advice as most of the people on here have some of the most toxic relationship.

  25. Know your worth, have a talk with her if you really like her and set boundaries. If shes still bringing up her past then she clearly dont respect your emotions. My ex was kinda similar, she would lowkey mention something about her past/body counts and jokingly suggest to try a swingers club or a threesome and Ill just brush it off, given that she was just fwb’ing before we started dating lol. She seemed to be wanting to go back to the old lifestyle, so she broke up with me and Im happy that she did. If youre the type of guy that gets jealous in the slightest like me, this woman is not for you.

    Re-assess this relationship and think if its worth your sanity. Thats my opinion

  26. Hey, my bf and I had the same situation where I was the one with lots of experience and he didn’t.
    It never came to my mind to talk about other guys I has sex with first of all because I respect him and don’t want him to feel uncomfortable or jealous or sad, and second of all because its is useless.

    We talk a lot about how we like things, we help each other understand our taste and make our own experience together

    To me, this is how it should be when LOVE is what brings you together, your situation is a huge red flag, I think your GF is lacking self esteem and needs to show off her experience to feel superior.

    I really don’t want to be rude but it feels like immaturity, not true love

  27. get a girlfriend that actually wants to be exclusive with you it sounds like you’re just getting your balls busted here

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