Sorry it may be long.
Does anyone know how to deal with a parent who constantly makes comments about your relationship? I’ve (25F) been with my partner (28M) for just over a year and I’m so happy! It’s my first long-term relationship and we’re looking to move in together in the summer.
But no matter what, my mum always has some sort of criticism about anything my partner does/says. For instance, we’re going out for valentines on the weekend. I’m happy with that, he’s happy with that. I’m looking forward to it. But when I told her my plans, she starts calling him a ‘cheapskate’ and only taking me out bc ‘it’s convenient and cheaper than actual valentines.’ It’s put a dampener on it and when I told her my gifting plans for him (as he’s paying for the entire meal), she started getting snappy about it saying ‘why should you have to do that,’ ‘a meal isn’t that much,’ ‘he should be buying you a gift.’ But its something I was genuinely excited to do, bake some heart-shaped brownies and some other stuff.
I’ve had thoughts about whether she has narcissistic traits for other personal reasons. It just seems no matter what, he’s always in the wrong. If I drive us somewhere, ‘what’s wrong with his car? Why can’t he drive?’ Even if he’s driven the weekend before. It’s exhausting and I can never be happy around my relationship with her, without her planting toxic thoughts in my head which I then have to clear up with my (very understanding) boyfriend.
My mum tells me she likes my boyfriend, but honestly, I really think she doesn’t. Our relationship (mum and & I) is already strained and as bad as it sounds, I much prefer being in my boyfriend’s company than hers. She says/does mean things with a smile on her face or gets snappy and then expects me to agree with her or forget it happened. To contrast, my partner’s mum is the sweetest lady ever. I always feel so welcomed and have never had to deal with drama on his side. It’s always mine and my mum. I feel terrible sometimes because it must be aggravating for my partner to deal with my family issues 24/7. If something doesn’t go my mum’s way, she’ll let you know about it. She’ll bitch to everyone about it. She’ll throw a temper tantrum and maybe some silent treatment and will remind you of your ‘mistake’ for weeks to come.
Any advice? I tried to talk to my siblings, but they just say my mum ‘doesn’t know him well enough.’ It’s been a year. I think she would know him by now. Please don’t tell me to cut her off, my family is very close-knit. I still partially live with her and I have zero contact with my dad.
1 comment
Grey rock. You give the bare minimum details. Where are you going “to a restaurant” or just to your bfs place you’ll decide when you get there. You ignore everything she says about him when you move in together you tell your mom “Hey when you say negative things I’m going to hang up the phone.”