Married women, why not stay home/not work if your partner can financially take care of you?

32 comments

  1. Because I want to be able to financially take care of myself. I also like working. I do not like pretending like it’s 1950.

  2. I like working. I think that constant housework would be exhausting for me and my brain will feel understimulated. I am used to a fast-paced, creative working environment.

    Plus, I still want to keep some independence and not depend on a man (even as wonderful as my husband) completely.

  3. Because I don’t want to. I’ll be happy to retire WITH him, but I find being a SAHW boring as fuck.

  5. Stay home and have time for a thriving business from the comfort of my home, yes. Stay home with the promise of being taken care of, fuck to the no.

    A person I know currently through work is “kept” and it’s an absolute shit show.

  6. I like what I do and I like knowing that if anything were to happen, I have my own source of income and won’t be boxed in to a corner. I’d also just lose my mind if I was a SAHW. The only thing that is appealing about that type of life to me is that I’d have more time to volunteer for certain organizations that are important to me.

  8. I work three days a week so I can focus on my artwork but also so I can socialize and have relationships. Connection to others is important for most women, I really hate being disconnected completely from society and friends!

  9. I would get so bored at home… a job mentally challenges me, allows me to support myself and be independent (the relationship may not last forever), and also allows me to have a social life with work colleagues.

  10. Never been in that position but I can’t see myself liking the STAHW gig. I value my independent self outside of my relationship in a way that I feel would be sacrificed if I didn’t work. I understand how partners or parents who stay home put in work to the shared life and it’s valuable. For me it’s a big deal to be able to take care of myself and maintain the balance of choosing my partner and never being in a position of being dependent on them. No matter how loving and secure the relationship, a partner must always be an option or choice not a need.

  11. I own my own business working from home. And I plan to get my husband to join me at home working on his business from home. We can both invest in a Roth IRA and REITS and travel

  13. We both appreciate the higher standard of living that’s possible on two incomes, and I like my job and wouldn’t know what to do with most of my time if I wasn’t working.

  14. Well, for one thing, if you’re in the US and end up divorced you better hope for one hell of a settlement because you won’t have put anything into social security and won’t be getting anything to retire on (unless you can convince him to put money in an in-case-we-get-divorced retirement fund.)

  15. I would be SO BORED. I took a month maternity leave and I felt like I was going to claw my eyes out by the end. It was literally exhausting NOT being mentally stimulated. Plus I’m a very driven person and I take a lot of joy in doing a job that impacts others’ lives, so I wouldn’t be happy not doing that.

  16. Not married, but used to be, and if your marriage ends you’re going to be SOL if you don’t have your own career.

  17. Because we both know that if there’s going to be a stay at home spouse/parent, he would be much better at it. Not only is he much better at keeping the house tidy and cleaning etc. but he also enjoys it much more then I do. I’d pluck my eyes out if I had to stay at home every day tbh.

  18. Because the future is never guaranteed and I need to have the skills and the means to take care of my own damn self if I need to.

  19. I was a SAHM for 12 years. I was good at it but it was boring and unfulfilling. I now work full time in my dream job and bring to my family the benefit of a second income.

  20. I would be massively bored. My kids are teenagers so they are busy.

    I love working and refuse to be dependent on anyone, even my husband. I did try it when I was pregnant with my youngest and ended up returning to the workforce 3 months after he was born. I hated it even though I love my kids. I was bored, unchallenged and very unhappy

  23. Because any time you allow someone control, be it financial or otherwise, sooner or later they are going to weaponize it. It’s human nature.

    My spouse could support my not working. But I am in a challenging field (engineering), I’m earning my own pension, and I love the interactions and problem-solving. Why would I stay home, bored out of my mind for the umpteenth day in a row, when I could be putting my skills to use and solving issues that affect everyone? My brain doesn’t allow me to just do nothing and be useless.

    Women are full individuals, with their own dreams, ambitions, and goals, and being married does not change that fact. Marriage just means we are pooling our resources to live a better, fuller life together. We take nice vacations and will retire early, and I get to do this with a guy who is my very best friend. Stay at home? Pfffft. Not everyone is cut out to be a tradwife.

  24. I feel like this is a bait question given how you keep telling people to pretend they don’t like to work.

    There are definitely people who wants to be a SAHM, be the care giver etc and find it *fulfilling*. That’s the point. If someone finds fulfillment working, great. Staying home? Great.

    There isn’t a right or wrong to this. It’s all dependent on the couple and their dynamic (assuming it’s a healthy relationship and no fear of financial abuse over the other).

    If you want to find a partner who is going to be a SAHM, there’s definitely women out there who dreams of being a SAHM. You just gotta meet them.

  25. I absolutely love my career and wouldn’t quit even if I won the lottery. I find it deeply fulfilling and irreplaceable.

  26. I love my partner but no relationship is indestructible and people can change. I work because I never want to be financially dependent on a man – I’ve seen too many women not leave their husbands when they should’ve because they didn’t have the financial means to. I’ve also seen women with perfectly nice husbands be left in a terrible situation when he died at a young age.

  27. because partners often can’t be trusted to stay with you and take care of you over a lifetime

  29. I would rather cut off my favorite tit than ask any man’s permission to buy something for myself.

  30. 1. I am uncomfortable with the idea that maintaining a home is considered “not work”. It’s work, just not always recognized as such because it’s often unpaid and done by women.

    2. Because housework and cooking bore me to tears. It’s work, but not work I want to do every day and especially not unpaid.

    3. I don’t want to be wholly financially dependent on someone else; that puts me in a vulnerable position I could not be comfortable knowing I have other options.

    4. I would never want a partner to stay home and depend entirely on me just because I could financially handle it. It would be hypocritical of me to expect my partner to do it for me.

    5. I’m good at my career, I even enjoy it sometimes, and I think I have a positive impact on the world through it.

  31. Technically my husband could support both of us and I could stop working, and vice versa. We both work because we’re contributing to our retirements. I also think it’s important to be able to maintain my ability to be independent. My work is mentally stimulating and fulfilling. I was a stay at home wife when I got laid off over covid and even though I found a lot to do during the day, I was bored, frustrated, and depressed.

    I can’t imagine I’d ever have a reason to need to leave my husband, but in case I did need to, like he hit his head and the concussion made him violent, I take comfort in knowing I can take care of myself.

  32. Because it’s boring… I went on Sabbatical for 6 months and minus the leaving the country bit… I was not made for the yoga, read, cook, clean life

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