Brought up STD testing and now got ghosted
Is this normal behavior? I (34f) brought up std testing with a guy (36m) I’ve been seeing for 6 dates. Out of curiosity I asked him because I wanted to ensure he would get tested if we got to that point.
His stance was I am overly cautious. Apparently he’s put all these things together and came to the conclusion I’m overly cautious but said he’d consider it.
We were supposed to see eachother Thursday. Yesterday after I brought it up over text, after a few messages. No response for 4 hours and then he texts me a wordy message saying he has a staph infection and needs to treat with antibiotics.
Pretty sure I’m being blown off. Which speaks volumes about the type of person he is in my opinion. Has anyone dealt with this before? Curious if he is sick or if he’s making it up. Pretty sure it’s the latter. I normally get a morning text and crickets all day.
Do I call him out on it?
TLDR states he is sick after I being up std testing
9 comments
I would cut ties. If he’s being that way when bringing that up he’s definitely hiding something.
Your request was a wise move, I’d be wary of any future communication with that person.
The trash took itself out!
lol, at 36 I’m assuming that he’s probably been sexually active for over a decade so there’s NO WAY this is the first time he’s been asked by a potential partner to get STD tested. It’s such a no brainer thing to do when getting a new sexual partner that he’s definitely trying to hide something. I wouldn’t even bother putting his feet to the fire about this tbh, just forget about him
Oh…devil’s advocate here. What if he is substituting “staph” infection, for herpes. Both are treated with antibiotics and when treated are no longer contagious.
Could he be making a parallel to desensitize your view on herpes?
I over think things. But that would be a clever way to get you to consider to get your guard down.
Either way, your guard is up for a reason. Keep it up. At least he responded he’s infected with something. And treating it. Better than lying and infecting you.
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see correction to another response by u/peinoceros
What purpose does calling him out serve?
Just be done with it.
That being said, you know, this is not a conversation I would have via text. You can tell *so much more* about someone by how they react to something like this in person. This is an area where you ABSOLUTELY need all the nonverbal cues that people give off when asked a potentially uncomfortable question. To wit: he might well be lying about the staph infection (I suspect he is, and I suspect … there’s more going on here) but putting him on the spot with the question, by asking it in person so he couldn’t dodge for four hours and come up with an excuse, would be valuable.
With somebody who might be a little bit slicker but equally dishonest, it’d be crucial.
Yeah, no loss here. A guy who won’t get tested is NOT a guy worth sleeping with.
He got tested, was positive for something, and is on antibiotics. Chances are he will resurface in a couple weeks and try and fuck you then.
Honestly him being weird about it right off the bat and then gaslighting you into saying “you’re too cautious” is enough for me to toss him to the curb. Don’t give him anymore of your energy!