I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (29M) for over 7 years. We have lived together for 4 years and taken steps towards the goal of being married, IE we have discussed what we want in our future; where we would live, how many children we want and how we would raise them, and even gone ring shopping. So I know how this is sounding just another girl that is over pressuring her partner because all of her friends are getting married but that is not the case. He has always know that marriage is important to me and a step I want to take before other life events but he seems to be staling/procrastinating for reason I don’t know. We both have good jobs, financial stability, and both our friends and families support for this next step in a relationship but still nothing. I do not want to give him and ultimatum as that is not how I want a relationship to be but I am at a lost at what I should do. i have voiced my feelings regarding the matter but I always get hit with an excuse or saying that it will happen when it happens and there is no rush. I love him deeply and it makes me sad to think about my life without him but I am at the point where I am wondering I’d love is enough to stay with him. So should I stay or leave him? Sorry for the long post or if this is wrong, my first time posting.
4 comments
What does your heart say?
He’s too comfortable. You’ve lived with him for 4 years, you’re essentially a common law partner. Why would he want to get married?
7 years together, you’re a completely different person from when you were 21. You need to live on your own. You have personal financial stability, you can afford the rent. Let him live on his own, let him decide how important marrying you is. Because living on his own may solidify his opinion of marriage (at least with you), and you don’t have to waste any more time with a guy that will drag his feet until you’re 40.
It sounds like he’s not interested in getting married. I assume that’s a dealbreaker for you?
It sounds to me like you’re waiting for him to “pop the question” himself. Although it seems you’d like to go this traditional route, I think you need to take the step instead. Tell him you’re ready to move forward and want to get married. Let him know how important this is for you. If he continues to stall, get an explanation as to why. If his answer isn’t good enough, then I would agree it’s time for the ultimatum. Maybe stay with a friend or get a hotel for a few days or more. Have no communication with each other during that time. A little distance from each other might make him realize that you’re serious about this and make you both think about whether you’re happier or not without each other. If he still doesn’t get it after this, then you may indeed have a difficult decision to make.