I’ve been dating a guy for three months, it’s been going well but I’ve noticed he’s a little selfish. I stayed over at his place the other night and he fell asleep before me. I got hungry and decided find something to eat in his kitchen. I ate one yogurt and protein bar. The next morning as he’s getting ready for work and I’m still in bed he asks me in a REALLY annoyed tone if I ate one of his protein bars. I said yes because I was starving. He then tells me that those protein bars are for work only. I said it wasn’t a big deal, there were still two left in the box. He got really fucking annoyed and angry and said that I should order my own food if I was hungry or eat leftovers in the fridge. He left and slammed the door behind him. I was shocked because I had never seen him so mad. I don’t think me eating one of his protein bars would get him so riled up but it did. I felt shitty, and I even cried. He apologized later on but the whole situation left a sour taste in my mouth about him. It really rubbed me the wrong way. If he gets this upset about a damn protein bar I can’t imagine what he’d do if there was a real problem once we got more serious. Is this grounds for a break up?
48 comments
I’d get the hell out of there, if he gets that worked up about a protein bar imagine how he will be with anything bigger
Of course its a red flag. Several actually.
Definitely a red flag. The guy has probably had a past that makes him super protective of his food/stuff, but it’s not your job to deal with that. If you’re the type who shares things a lot with your SO, he’s definitely not the one.
I don’t know if it’s a red flag on its own. Does he have a habit of getting very angry for smal things frequently? Then that tendency would be a red flag. But some people are just weird / sensitive about certain things. He may be that away about his protein bars. Some people have set up a very rigid system in some areas of their life and they can get quite upset if you disturb that system. Let’s say he planned ahead exactly how many protein bars he would need in a month and he’s counting calories or whatever. People who eat protein bars tend to be more focused on how much calories and protein they consume. So maybe he has a whole system that he may have spent hours calculating and figuring out. Some people are also quite rigid in their system due to autism or mental health challenges. Another explanation is that he has traumas about people stealing his food in the past. Maybe his siblings or people at school bullied him by stealing his food, so this is a particular sensitive area for him. Perhaps he’s an only child and he never learned how to share things.
What I would do is ask him more questions to learn about him..why does he care so much about the protein bars and you taking some of his food? What’s behind it?
I would also evaluate his entire behavior. Not just this. Is he frequently angry or is this a once-off occurrence? If it’s frequent then yeah, break up. If it’s a once-off, maybe figure out what’s behind it. Sometimes people just have quirks. It’s good to know why they have those quirks if you plan on being with them long-term. We all have sensitive triggers about something. Every single one of us. But if people get triggered constantly by many smal things, they have an anger / emotional management problem.
Lol dude is a roid head if he’s a gym rat freaking out about his protein bars
Yeah that is a red flag. It’s not normal to get that pissed over something like that.
this is the biggest red flag
i would stop seeing him asap
Yeah this is a bad sign. I would never want someone feeling hungry / uncomfortable if they stayed over.
Mild annoyance, followed by him asking you to ask him first next time you want to eat something he bought, makes sense, but protein bars are a few bucks, no need to get super pissed off about it, def a red flag if he gets pissed about it, mild annoyance would be understandable.
Yeah, I would never see him again after that kind of behaviour. It’s just a protein bar, and if someone is that stingy with food with me, I’m definitely not interested. Run, OP.
Run
I’ve been in a similar situation where someone overreacted and went crazy on me.
Does he have a lot of siblings? Maybe he has been denied things in his childhood or has had things taken away from him which is why he might be furious over a fairly insignificant readily available item. It usually stems from that. I’d ask why was he so mad & if he doesn’t bother explaining then you should do what you feel best.
>I said it wasn’t a big deal, there were still two left in the box.
You did tried to invalidate his feelings. While his reaction can be out of proportion, main reason for this can be this moment. I bet you won’t like your partner saying ‘it wasn’t a big deal’ when you try to explain something important for you.
Only red flag I see is you running to Reddit after he apologized for his fault in the situation, but you did nothing to apologize for trying to invalidate his feelings
Personally, I have certain foods that If someone eats them without my consent I can get really upset too, first of all because they are expensive asf and I bought them especially and just for me. If someone before taking my things asks me permission I normally agree and say “no problem” but If they don’t ask me permission I feel like they feel that they can do whatever they want in my place and that makes me feel really bad. Just… ask for permission and I think It’ll be fine.
Wow, some of these comments just aren’t it. I was raised and firmly believe that if I invite someone over, whether we are dating or just as a guest, that I am to take care of them while they are in my home. If they are hungry they can eat what’s available here. I could never force them to go out and get food or have something delivered. Nor would I ever get mad that they got themselves a snack while I was asleep. That’s also how everyone I know has treated me when I was the guest at their home.
I don’t think he was nearly as mad about the protein bar as he was about you dismissing his feelings.
Let’s summarize:
– OP takes a thing that isn’t hers
– OP invalidates his feelings, and makes no attempt to even bother to try and understand the source of why he’s upset
– OP takes no weight into it being early in the morning and a spur of the moment shock to him and him getting upset
– OP completely disregards his apology
– OP is willing to breakup with someone they’ve been seeing for 3 mths (assuming the 3 mths have all gone well) over something so trivial.
Yes, they should definitely breakup.
OP is a self indulged brat, and doesn’t deserve a partner.
If this ALREADY displeases him, how the hell is he going to react at three in the morning when the baby is crying and you are crying and your nipples are leaking and you ask him to pass you the baby and everyone is stressed out from sleep deprivation and hormones.
I’d break up over his selfishness.
Bro got mad at you eating a protein bar when he was okay with you coming over?! What a shit, selfish host. Drop his ass
Huge red flag.
i was with someone for 13 years and i still love him to death. but when someone has a problem controlling their anger, i don’t think that can just go away, even with years of best efforts to manage it. take it from me. even if the person is amazing in every other way, the toll it takes on you is immeasurable.
show yourself the kind of love he won’t be able to, and get out of there sooner than later, before youre so involved that you find yourself making excuses for him.
ps- i also feel like this should not have been something to trigger his anger, either. it’s far too petty, in my opinion, and maybe that’s a big part of the concern, too.
Run, run far away. This is a huge red flag how he handles being angry over something so incredibly innocent. Taking the last one that he was counting on – okay. But treating you like that and slamming the door. Yikes. I can only imagine this getting worse from here.
I bought a protein bar a week ago and was waiting for the best time to eat it. Today I woke up and the wrapper was on the counter so that means last night after my fiancés work out, he ate it. I was a little annoyed lol. I brought it up this morning and he just said that he thought I didn’t like it since it was in the drawer for a week. It didn’t cause a fight. I did not freak out or yell. I didn’t slam any doors. I just simply said oh, no I was waiting for the right time to eat it and we kissed and he left for work.
He sounds like a tight ass with food and should understand people get hungry, you offered to buy more but he wouldnt take it
Move on
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
I ain’t gonna lie them protein bars are overpriced……
Did you even ask to eat it? Did you tell him you were hungry?
😀 big red flag…selfish behavior is ridiculous, especially over something so meaningless
I would stop eating any of his protein.
He got anger issues
While I agree he could’ve been more calm when bringing up the fact you took his food without permission, the fact still stands that you took his food without permission. Unless he explicitly stated that you could eat whatever you wanted without asking him, then you need to ask him before taking something.
>If he gets this upset about a damn protein bar I can’t imagine what he’d do if there was a real problem once we got more serious.
If you think it’s okay to take his food without permission, what other bigger things would you potentially take from him if you got more serious?
>He apologized later on but the whole situation left a sour taste in my mouth about him.
He swallowed his pride and found it within himself to apologize for how he acted, yet you’re still mad.
>Is this grounds for a break up?
If you don’t apologize to him for being so nonchalant about taking his food without asking, then it sure is grounds for HIM to break WITH YOU.
Don’t eat his food without asking first lol, you’re a guest and you haven’t even been dating him long enough to know what he is and isn’t comfortable with you taking. I’d honestly be annoyed too if someone I invited over ate a part of my ration that I carefully planned out for the week. You disregarding his feelings about it as opposed to just apologising and saying that you didn’t know is pretty shitty on your part too, at that point I’d probably get quite upset as well. It’s not up to you to decide what is or isn’t a big deal for someone else. Hella inconsiderate and more of a red flag on your part than his.
Some people here have never been poor and it shows.
Yes, this is a major red flag, this dude has serious issues
My girlfriend can eat whatever she wants, I’d let her have everything on my plate if it made her happier, that guy you’re dating seems to be a real obnoxious asshole, would recommend running before it gets worse.
after 3 months if he cares more about a protein bar than you, then you have to dip. just break up with him. he has issues.
Total red flag.. my emotionally/mentally abusive ex would have big outbursts about small things like this.. I stupidly ignored that red flag and spent 2 years in the worst relationship of my life.. if I hadn’t left when I did, he 10/10 would have started physical abuse next. Once I was out and so many of his lies began to be exposed, I discovered he almost definitely was physically abusing his exes before me. So.. take it how you will, because I can’t say just off this he would ever get *that* bad to the point of it getting physical.. but I can easily see him being at least mentally/emotionally abusive which is still abuse. And still damaging. It’s been 2 years since I left that relationship and I can still tell I’ve not shaken all of my, frankly, self preservation habits to avoid these outbursts with him. I’m no expert, so I can’t say anything I said is definitely true for this man.. but based on my past experience with excessive outbursts over little issues early on.. I’d back out of this relationship now if I were you. 🤷🏻♀️
Yea that is not a good sign. Speaking from experience being in a relationship with a selfish man, he will never change and you’ll end up wasting your time being in a one sided relationship.
Major red flag. If he gets mad over something so small, imagine how mad he gets over something (he perceives as) big?
I wouldn’t stay with some one who who makes it clear his home is not a place for me to be comfortable or to eat if I am hungry.
Who knows what his childhood was like and what’s going on for him. But at 29 it’s hard to see husband or father material in a man getting Agro over a protein bar, over making sure you were comfortable or making plans to make sure you aren’t hungry next time
If I hosted anyone overnight – a friend, family member, or romantic partner – I’d make sure I was going to give them something to eat. If I’m hosting someone to stay over in any capacity, I want them to be comfortable. On occasion I’ve had an impromptu sleepover and not had much in the fridge or cupboard because I’ve been eating out more, busy with work, etc. so if someone stayed over ate even a *last* granola bar… I’d be embarrassed that they had to scavenge even for that.
If you’ve been seeing him for three months, I assume you stay over regularly. I agree with other people commenting that if he thought you enjoyed the food, he’d pick up more or at least apologize for leaving you without many options to eat something. Him getting upset seems super controlling, petty, and possessive. PASS.
Reddit is always so quick to tell people to break up, but… you should break up.
It’s one thing to get upset and bummed about something like that, but to get angry is nuts. He will 100% continue to get angry over inconsequential shit.
If this person who you’re investing your time and energy towards flips out over a measly protein bar. Then it’s important to consider what they’ll do when it’s something more significant. Tell the guy to kick rocks and really celebrate your freedom and choice to leave.
Super red flag. Imagine you go on a trip and get lost. He could probably hit you and left you under a pile of dirt. Yeah 3 months in and showing aggressive things is a bad bad situation
You raided the man’s fridge and are complaining about him complaining? Lol jk, that’s a bad sign over a little ass protein bar. He himself said he has leftovers and other food so what’s the big deal if he takes that stuff to work with him instead of that protein bar if you ate it?
Better yet, why doesn’t he buy extra food or order food when he knows he’ll have company like every other normal person?
This guy sounds like a twat. You better dump him and dump him fast op.
Be sure to ask him if it was worth a protein bar. Deuces.
Very bad sign. Leave him asap. If you stay with him, welcome to the world of random freak outs over stupid things that make you feel like shit. It sucks here!
normally id say dont eat other peoples food but…. wtf lol? are these like golden protein bars or what??! sure, they are a little on the expensive side but i mean, it’s not like you went and ate a damn steak he had in the freezer or something lmfao