My husband and i used to have intercorse all the time, daily. Now it’s slowly gotten to days, a week, and now weeks.
I have a high sex drive, which his also used to be.
I’ve tried to understand better where his coming from by asking him if he has something on his mind, work stress, etc. i. which i just get the answer “nope, just tired”
He just says “i’m just tired”, but it’s the same answer every-time.
is it wrong for me to feel unwanted, undesirable, ugly, ashamed, embarrassed, etc.
It makes me feel so embarrassed whenever he rejects me. It stings, but i just keep quite and cry silently.
my brain goes to – is their another woman? is he not attracted to me anymore? what’s wrong with me?
i just feel so alone and unwanted 😕
6 comments
Have you told him how you are feeling now that the frequency has changed and all those thoughts you get ? If you have how did he respond?
All your feelings are valid. Its understandable that you feel that way because you feel rejected but Im sure that you are not undesirable or ugly, I know its hard but don’t blame yourself sweetheart there is something going on with him and has nothing to do with you or your looks.
I’ll tell you what happened to me. We stopped having sex as much and I thought it was us getting older but he had been hiding a porn addiction from me for years and possibly our entire 20+ year relationship. Porn can rewire the brain to be less stimulated with a real partner and more so with porn. There is a website that has a few videos that explained it without religion called fightthenewdrug.org. My husband is still in denial and refuses to answer my questions about his porn use. I took matters into my own hands and did my own detective work of figuring it out. The way I found out was reading articles about common marriage issues on a therapists website. When reading the one about porn addiction(which I didn’t think he watched at all) just to see what it said. We hit all the bullet points. Then he got very defensive and refused to answer my questions. I hope this is not an issue in your relationship. Addiction of any kind is cancer to a relationship imo. I hope you two can figure out how to build better intimacy for both of you.
To me, when someone tells me they’re tired *repeatedly*, my first thought is that they’re depressed or stressed. Neither of which is good for sex drive or enjoying life.
It could also just mean he’s tired. There’s a lot of things that start t happen at a certain age (younger than you think) that can make you feel exhausted. It’s not a sexy feeling.
Talk with him. I know for me, I couldn’t get enough sex. But in our marriage we had 4 kids in the first 10 years, that changes everything. For 1 year we had sex twice a day, then a couple years every day or so, then for a long time was once a week, then twice a month, then now and then until about 50 when menopause hit. But the biggest change in our sex lives was the kids. With 4 kids you are both exhausted all the time.
-How old is he?
-How is his health? Does he drink excessively, do drugs, is overweight, has a terrible diet, etc?
-Does he watch porn?
Get him into play time instead of sex. Take 100% of the pressure off of him. Have him experiment with you to find new and interesting ways to get you off. He will find that getting you off will get him fired up and this will likely lead to more sex.