NOTE: this is a venting post. Please go defend this type of guy on literally any other post similar to this one where it’s not accompanied by that specific flair.
Annnd it happened. 4 dates, insanely amazing conversations, chemistry, bla bla bla. Talking every single day for over two months. Out-of-this-world communication. Haven’t felt this way about anyone before. I literally felt like I was on clouds with him.
And then I get these looooong texts this morning, while I’m at work, about how he had time to think about it and he just is not ready to be in a relationship but he thinks I’m amazing and wonderful and all these very feel-good-words, and how he wants to still be friends and spend time with me.
Which is funny. We had this conversation on our 3rd date, and first it was “I’m not ready to be exclusive right now”, which neither was I. So I asked him, if he was ever going to be ready for a relationship, and he said oh yeah, absolutely. Yeah, okay. “Absolutely”. He actually sent me a voicememo apologizing for making things complicated, and then asked me out again ***after*** that.
So I call him– since he offered, and because… I needed more clarity. And I was like, why’re you on a dating app if you’re not ready at all? And he’s like, you’re right I should delete the app. And he brought up all this stuff, like distance (we’re not even that far…like 2 hours if he’s at home, 30 minutes when he’s at his workplace), and priorities and all this and I’m like— you knew all this. This isn’t new. You’ve had this situation for years. Why did you ***keep*** asking me out if you knew your work/life situation was such an issue? And he’s like “I didn’t expect to meet you and end up liking you so much”. Yeah right. He doesn’t “like me that much”. If he did, none of this would be a problem. I’m just not “the one” and he doesn’t want to admit it.
And the cherry on top of it all, “let’s stay friends”. Oh, thanks, what, so you get to have your cake and eat it too?
And I’m in the call, like, I’m not sure how this friendship would work long term. I don’t think I can be just friends with you. And he’s like, how is this different than what we were doing? How is it different? Do you just date all your female friends then every time you go out with them?
And he has the audacity to be all sad. You’re sad? YOU’RE sad? You did this. You don’t get to decide how “in your life” I am.
I’m tired.
14 comments
Same girl same ,…I was dumped for telling him how tired I am and wasn’t sure about meeting him
People have too many options now with online dating. Right there with you. I’ve barely been able to breathe since Thanksgiving
Want to apologise for so many guys being assholes nowadays, I’m not going to claim I’m some perfect guy, but I dont get all of these weird ass dudes.
Fuck, i just want to find someone i click with and when i get that opportunity, make the most of it, see where the future leads and hopefully build a future.
All these dudes nowadays think they are God’s gift and can just find another amazing girl at the click of the fingers.
Makes me sad that I’m the same sex as these men nowadays. Hopefully you find someone who truly appreciates you OP!
I had the same, he thinks I’m amazing, never met anyone like me before, but just wants to be friends? Like if I think that about someone I’d want to be with them. So over them all.
I am so sorry. I definitely wouldn’t want to be friends with a person like this either.
Same story. We are co-workers, sitting next to each other, he had talked with me almost every night for 2 months, went out three times, each time about 4-5 hours talking continuously. And after all, when I asked, he said he thought of me as a little sister and want to be friends.
Hope you will get over him soon. He was just a guy came across in your life, it’s better that he told you those “friend things” early, otherwise you could have been stuck in this relationship longer and got more hurt.
Damn we’re all going through the same thing. Word for word, after a few dates, you’re amazing but I’m not looking for a relationship at the moment… after initially saying that he was. Why do men ask you on a date with no intention of actually dating?
Funny enough, I had a date lined up the day after I last saw this guy (I was dumb and said I’d meet him for dinner even when I knew it wasn’t going anywhere) and this new guy has been amazing so far. I’m not holding my breath though, I’m used to being blindsided by now 🫤
This is why men ghost women. Ladies, just take the L and keep it moving. He doesn’t owe you anything. He isn’t interested. He took the time to get to know you, and it’s not for him. Dont emotionally exhaust people who are honest with you. Also, heart broken after 4 dates? Really? No need to get attached so easily. You also don’t need to stay friends if you don’t want to.
Wow. Someone who actually read between the lines and know their worth!!!! You go girl….am shocked!!!
“Let’s stay friends”
He means “let’s hang out and have sex without me putting in the effort of being your boyfriend”
“Am not ready for a relationship” is him basically saying, “I am ready for a relationship, just not with you”.
Same thing happened to me. Went on 4 amazing dates with a girl. We texted every hour. Couldn’t have gone better if I wrote the script for it myself. Then after 4 dates she starts pulling away and sends a long text explaining she doesn’t see us working in a relationship. I was shocked. You can never really tell what’s going on with some people. It sucks, and that was 2 months ago. I’ve just taken a break to work on myself, and reset my mental state. Hope you are alright. I’m always open to talking
I hate fickle people like this. Biggest waste of time ever. If they aren’t interested in YOU then they should just say so
I feel you. You did great to let him know about your boundaries. He just wanted to use you as an emotional booster. Insecure guys often do that. I’m proud of everyone who lets go of their attachments with such people. You deserve a person who is going to treasure you and your time!
The good old case of you became the FWB…. SMH. I’ve been there. It might of seemed like dating. He might of truly caught feelings too. He’s not ready to settle down, that’s why he put a hard stop to what’s going on. He wants to keep playing the field.
The one who brings feelings into the mix first, usually always is the one getting hurt. So common in today’s dating scene. People just want to play without commitment. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, that should, be made abundantly clear from “Hello”.
Also, not calling out the OP; but, I’ve seen, both women and men catch feelings way too fast when dating or in a FWB situation. This usually makes the other one run, real fast. Many people aren’t comfortable with their own feelings or how to even express them. It’s like a dam Rubik’s cube for some. I never understood that! I’m an open book, 24/7, you want to know how I feel? Sure, I’m going to tell you what you need to hear. Not what you want.
Maybe, that’s the problem! Everyone, is so worried about hurting someone’s feelings or saying the “appropriate” thing all the time?
I guess the world will never find out.
Don’t take his actions personally, they are a reflection of him and his character. Distance yourself, wisely.