My mom (59f) and I (25f) have had the closest relationship that I cannot compare to anything I’ve experienced or seen. We have been through a lot together, her divorce from my dad, her college education, my college education, dating again, working two jobs etc.
I bought my home and moved out at 24. She has been supportive and loving. As of lately, I have had these emotions with her that I have never experienced. I get annoyed with her.. angry with her, snappy, irritable, and even a little mean..
I am crying writing this because it hurts me to know I hurt her, after all she’s done for me…
We were impoverished and I remember her working two jobs and going to college with two kids. I thought to myself, if I just do everything she wants/needs, she will have one less thing to worry about. I didn’t lose my virginity until senior year so she wouldn’t worry about me getting pregnant in highschool (still going strong on not having babies), I stayed in, never went out to high school parties or college parties, stayed home for college so she wouldn’t be alone, never snuck out, never got in trouble, graduated with honors, got my bachelors degree with honors, worked to help earn money.
I lived the life she needed me to live to make her life easier.
Since I have moved out, she nags me now, I need to do my dishes or I need to remember my taxes or don’t forget to pay your water bill or it’s trash day, don’t forget your trash. And I want to SCREAM. I don’t WANT to do my dishes when you ask, I want to do my dishes when I WANT. ILL DO MY TAXES WHEN I WANT. IF I FORGET ITS TRASH DAY THEN OH WELL. I’ve picked up smoking (never in my 25 years would I have thought I would smoke) only for the sheer satisfaction that she doesn’t approve. I have tattoos and piercings that “are too big” according to her. And ITS ON MY FACE AND I PAID WIRH MY MONEY.
I feel so guilty still because I just don’t have the patience anymore to be her shiny perfect little girl. And I don’t want to treat her poorly, she made sure we never went without love and support and life’s requirements. She would give me the shirt off her back if I asked.
And I know she misses me, I haven’t really even spent time with her because of the moods I get in . I hope I don’t sound spoiled.. I know I am incredibly lucky for someone like her in my life.. but I can’t handle the weight of her expectations any longer. Maybe I’m hitting my rebellious stage that I should have hit at 16…
Advice? Reassurance? A slap in the face?
TL;DR! My mom is so sweet and caring and loving and its suffocating me. I feel bad for how I’m treating her.. seeking advice or reassurance or ways to help the situation lighten up a bit.
2 comments
“Mom. I love u dearly with all my heart and greatly appreciate everything u have done for me. I am an adult though. I have responsibilities that I’m capable of handling.”
U need to just be straight up and honest. Ur a grown woman. Do so in a loving manner. She’ll eventually get the message.
Yes. You’re behaving like a 15 year old. Understandable suppose. And it sounds like you never really grew up. You were too busy being supportive and taking responsibility.
Just tell your mother to stop with all the reminders etc? Do you do that? Actually tell her to STOP?? Clearly?
You need to go on an overseas holiday i reckon! I would say therapy… But i think all you need is to have some solid personal enjoyment. Do some new things. Experience “life” relax and enhoy yourself properly…. ALONE with no one and nothing to feel responsible for.
Experiencr different cultures. Drift a bit. Take a solid 6 months and see a bit of the world. Just totally relax and reset. Get away from your mum. As lovely as she sounds. Just be you on your own. Totally independent.
And ffs? Stop smoking! That shit will kill you and keep you broke.You’re acting like an immature troubled teenager. Just pull yourself together. I mean that in a nice way. None of your behaviour actually does anything to your mother. But smoking will ultimately kill you. Stop being silly.
Good luck.