I have never had a single best friend because I always end up being third wheeled or eventually left out of the group.

I am ( 22 F) a very social and easy to get along with person. I mainly grew up on video games so most of my Close friends were guys. When I got to college it was really easy to make friends, I was able to make so many cool friends (both guys and girls) but I noticed over the years that I would not know how to maintain my female friendships. I still have a few; but I’ll get to that in a second. The problem was that my friendship circles eventually became mainly guys again, and it was a problem because… I’m not really “one of the guys” like they would eventually plan things just “for the boys” and I was obviously not invited. They would do this often and eventually I felt like I was drifting from them, I didn’t know anything about their inside jokes during their hangouts, I was feeling completely left out, like none of them see me in the way I see them… which sucked. Feeling left out with the guys, my close friends, arguably my best friends at the time, was a real heartbreaker. So I thought about this time in my life again and decided that maybe I needed closer female friendships so that I never had to feel left out. Well at first it went well, I was spending holidays with them, we did a gift exchange, I was always invited to almost everything I could go to. But one day a few months before the pandemic, I found out that all my close female friends went to an amusement park without me. I was really upset and sad when I found out, but then I thought maybe they thought I was too busy (since I am pre med) and didn’t invite me for that reason. But then it kept happening, one day they went to a beach house, and I was so upset and sad that I finally told them how I felt and they said that they were sorry and it was “spur of the moment”. We made up and I honestly did see them doing more things without inviting me since then, but obviously I tried to treat it like a “spur of the moment” like they said. I want to believe them, and I know they love and care about me. But tonight was honestly the worst night for me. I texted one of my close gfs that I had some gifts for her birthday, that I really wanted to celebrate it with her and that I really really missed her. Then I texted my other best friend that we need to plan something for her bday but she almost kinda ignored my text about the bday and responded to something else I showed her. I thought it was weird but I tried to think nothing of it. Later that night, I was looking at our other friends Instagram and saw that they had all went to a vineyard together to celebrate the birthday. They were there all day today. And I didn’t even know about it. These are my actual best friends, and I couldn’t help but feel anger, sadness, and loneliness. And I want to text them and say how disappointed I am, and how I had wished I had received an invite but I just don’t want to create drama on her birthday. It’s not drama to me, it’s honestly my feelings. I feel horrible, honestly. I wish I could have a single best friend that I know loved me wholeheartedly like I would love them. It’s just so depressing. I value friendship so much and feel like I’m always feeling betrayed and hurt.