Should I consider giving my ex another chance?

My ex (26) me(20) dated for two years, Our entire relationship was rocky and we argued, he would say spiteful things and caused lots of arguments. He was mean and impatient, but there was a balance of good and bad, he always took care of me when I was sick. We shared many hobbies and fun activities. We learned lots of new things together, etc. After the first year I couldn’t wrap my head around what was causing the issues in our relationship, because we would always fight about the same thing. His inability to communicate and be vulnerable. I racked my brain and started researching, and that’s when I came across the anxious and avoidant attachment style. I started focusing on how I could fix my attachment style (anxious) in hopes it would help his attachment style (avoidant). After another year of trying my best, despite countless arguments, and breaking up, and getting back together. I found out from my doctor I had chlamydia. My suspicions of him cheating were confirmed. I was devastated. I loved this man with every morsel of my being. We’ve been broken up since.

Recently, after realizing I’d been harboring so much hate and anger I decided I didn’t want to anymore. I texted him asking to have a conversation. It was the most vulnerable and honest he had ever been with me. It was like after all of that, he finally understood. But it’s as if it doesn’t even matter. He betrayed me, and honestly put me through hell. I do believe if I gave him another chance he would put in 110% but i don’t think I’d be happy. I don’t think I can forgive him, or even be able to feel anything for him. Im not sure why I’m still talking to him. I really think it’s just because I’m lonely. Im in the military… if you know anything about that I’m sure you could understand how utterly lonely it can be. I guess i don’t need advice I know what to do, i know what’s best for me. I do think he’s changed though, and he makes it hard for me to move on. He’s honestly relentless. And i know what you’re gonna say “why don’t you just block him” and i would tell you. That “i struggle with ptsd and right now he’s the only person I feel like i can call at 2 am.” So nothing is black or white. But Im tired of feeling stuck. It’s difficult because after enduring two years of an emotional roller coaster, i feel like there’s an emotional connection now that i had always longed for in the past. Now he gets it… he just had to rip my heart out first. Thanks for coming to my Ted talk