I (21F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been together for almost 2 years. He hasn’t particularly done anything wrong however in recent times I’ve felt as if I’ve been losing feelings for him. I feel like an a**hole and hate myself for even thinking this. I’m visiting family in a different country at the moment so i’m not physically with him. However just plain thinking about being together with him scares me. I usually hate visiting family as we have a dysfunctional family dynamic however I have found myself preferring to stay with my family rather than return to him. Even texting him throughout the day wears me out and I find myself ignoring them more and more. The cute relationship memes he sends me has begun to make me slightly disgusted. I keep praying that my feelings will return to normal but it doesn’t seem to be and i’m feeling so lost and depressed. Please don’t comment about how much of a terrible person I am as this is the main reason I’ve been beating myself up about already.
Anyway it really isn’t as easy as just breaking up as we’ve been renting a house together (I know we rushed into this we were young and stupid). Our friend groups are also very intertwined so I feel like I may lose all my friends as well. I feel like I don’t even have a good enough reason to feel this way and it is affecting my mental health.
Please give me any type of advice I am desperate.
3 comments
Start with the long view:
You don’t want to be in a long-term relationship with somebody you’re not crazy about.
You definitely don’t want to get railroaded into it by friend-groups and rental agreements. That’s letting stupid stuff live your life and refusing to choose for yourself what you know you need.
The pain and awkwardness of ending this will feel severe; but I urge you to think about the much worse pain that comes from being in a relationship with somebody you don’t look forward to seeing when you go home at night, who knows you don’t have positive feelings for him, and with whom you cultivate a lifetime of resentments.
Have you tried to work on your relationship? Gone on dates, do hobbies together, learn new things? What about trying to bring the spark back. Like think about what you like about him and why you fell for him. Relationships take effort and work. Sitting back and hoping that things work out isn’t going to help you out.
So why are you feeling this way.
Something has happened to bring about this change, so also look into that.
And when you have those answers, you need to decide what you want to do about your relationship.
Now if you decide to end the relationship, you are still responsible for half of the rent – so you need to be proactive in getting someone else to cover your half (if possible) or pay the costs for breaking the agreement.