About 8 months ago, my “bf” wanted an open relationship, so he can sleep around freely. I put quotation marks around “bf” because I don’t know what exactly I am to him. I didn’t want to deal with cheating anymore, so I agreed to being open.
We have been together for almost 3 years. For the last many months, I put my focus on my business more and paid less attention to the whole “open relationship” thing. Up until, he only started seeing me once a week the last 2 months or so. It has been bothering me. I felt like I’m not being put first anymore.
Tomorrow, we are supposed to go out of town to spend time with his family for his birthday for the weekend. Tonight is a Friday night and I felt something was off. He was online on the apps and someone was closeby to his profile. Meanwhile, my boyfriend told me he was gonna go to “sleep.” I decided to driveby his place. I stayed behind his window and overheard him conversing with someone, to my utter surprise. I confirmed seeing that person I saw on the app next to his profile, coming out of his place. My boyfriend shares a room at someone’s place. And hasn’t brought me over lately, but chose to bring in a stranger inside his place. Yet, I haven’t been invited in for the last 4 months at least.
It was really hard for me to witness this. I didn’t know what to do but kept in silence as I watch that person drove away. It killed me in pain inside. Because I remembered this relationship is “open.” So technically he didn’t cheat on me. Should I still go up to his family’s house to spend the weekend, and sleeping together as acquaintances? Then sort this whole thing out after his birthday?
25 comments
sounds like there’s no trust in the relationship and he just wants to sleep with whoever he wants without the consequences of losing you. i would recommend you end it and move on. i know it’s a hard decision but he’s obviously got other things on his mind.
You don’t open a relationship so that he can’t cheat on you. Just end it. He doesn’t want a girlfriend
If it’s hurting you this much, you need to leave before it gets worse. Honestly, should’ve left when he was cheating. I don’t think he genuinely wants an open relationship, and I don’t think you do either. He just wants to be able to cheat while still being able to say he has a “gf”. It’d be easier to just not go to the family event. It sounds like you plan on leaving him anyway, so it’s better to do it sooner rather than dragging it out. He had no concern for your feelings up until this point, so now it’s time for you to do what’s best for you, whether he likes it or not.
imo you should end this. he doesn’t care if he lose you. this “open relationship” things never works in my opinion
Start respecting yourself sweetie. You don’t want an open relationship, and he doesn’t actually want commitment. You aren’t compatible, so end it, work on yourself, and find love with someone who wants the same things in life x
Your not his gf. You are the useful backup fuck for when he’s in between his other fucks.
He doesn’t care about you, you’re just being used at this point, I’m sorry to say.
Asking for an open relationship 2 years into a relationship with someone is a shitty thing to do in most circumstances, but asking after he has already cheated on you multiple times? That’s supremely shitty.
This guy just wants to fuck around with other people but didn’t and doesn’t want to deal with breaking up with you. He has no respect for you. You’re just a toy he doesn’t play with anymore. Sorry to sound harsh, but you deserve much better and there is better out there.
End things with this asshole immediately.
Next time you start getting into a relationship, have a talk about boundaries early on and tell them that you are not a polyamorous person and you’re not into open relationships. So if that is a lifestyle they want they should bring it up now because it’s not a lifestyle you want now or sprung on you later in the relationship, as the answer will always be no.
Cause yeah, telling your gf that you want an open relationship when you’ve been together in a monogamous relationship the entire time is not a very nice thing to do
Opening the relationship is the worst thing you can do to save one.
Sorry but he doesn’t want to be with you, he just wants to have you trapped in some sort of emotional leash so that he can have sex with you when he’s out of options to have fun.
Respect yourself and break up with him. You will find someone who truly appreciates you.
You’re the side chick now. Drop him.
I know this is your normal, but this is not normal. He clearly doesn’t respect you. You deserve better. Dump him, move on, and work on your own self respect so you don’t let this happen again. Sending you strength. ♡
**I felt like I’m not being put first anymore**
I’m not sure what you expected , you are with someone who has free reign sexually , why would he put you first
At best you are a close friend , at worst an after thought
but in his mind that’s what you signed up for , if you now want different you need to find someone different
From as outsiders perspective this is not ok, you’re probably used to the “open relationship agreement” but he’s literally using you as a back up option when he’s done fucking around or until he finds someone better, yes it’s sad as fuck what he’s doing but what will be worse is if you choose to stay for whatever reason and not see the fact that he’s a POS who doesn’t care about your feelings. You are not his number 1 and he’s a big old cheater who does not deserve you. You need to get rid of his toxic ass before you lose your mind and feel even worse
Get yourself a man who who doesn’t want to share you (or himself) with anyone else, that adores and respects you.
But first, cancel meeting Open’s family, treat yourself to a manicure or a tan or painted toenails. Reflect on lessons learned. Then move forward, head high.
sounds like you don’t want an open relationship but men keep cheating on you. u shouldn’t worry about him. keep focusing on your business. keep doing you. eventually you’re going to see that you don’t need him and when you start to better yourself, better men will come into your life. just need to have strict boundaries with men especially. one red flag for you n u gotta go. i tell myself, “the next guy i date i’m not getting attached no matter what. 8 months is enough time to take it slow and if i see a big red flag, END IT” bc let me tell you… i ignored those red flags w my current bf and it’s been a living hell for me that i’m trying to escape somehow with him either getting better or me just straight up walking away.
my friends have even offered to take me in for however long i needed if i wanted to go back home since i’m living across the country atm and very far from all my family and friends (by my own choice, not 100% to do with him).
being in a open relationship is not for everyone. stop pretending ur okay with it.
Oh honey. Please, and I mean this with maximum empathy: get your head out of your ass.
I know that loneliness can suck but legitimising this philanderer by going “open” and then being relegated to one of his choices for the night is clearly much less than you wanted and less than you deserve.
Be good to yourself and turn him loose, many other people you could be giving this time to.
He has you right where he wants you. He’s allowed to cheat because you told him he could so you won’t lose him. Now he’s doing what you said you are ok with. You are creeping around his home peeking in his window and spying. He has turned you into a bit of a mess! I’m sorry and I don’t want to hurt your feelings but this is just wrong. He doesn’t respect you and he doesn’t care about you. He’s throwing you a bone by asking you to his family function. Have you been with other people yet? If so what was his reaction to it? Please dump him for your own sake! Don’t let him make you doubt yourself or act like a stalker anymore! He is just not worth it. F**k him and his birthday. He probably tells all his friends how great it is he can screw whoever he wants and he STILL has you waiting for him to be his “girlfriend” if your best friend was in this situation what would you tell her to do? Save yourself this guy is a jerk.
You need to leave him and concentrate on you. Get back to things you like and love. There is someone out there that will want just you.
So you’re together about 2 years and he asks to open the relationship, and you aren’t priority anymore. You’re a side piece now. He just didn’t want to feel guilty about cheating and still have a stable relationship. From my perspective it seems most relationships which start out as strictly monogamous and become open or poly don’t seem to work out.
That’s just cheating, nothing more.
Sorry, doesn’t look like your his gf anymore, pretty much doens’t look like you ever were but more like a FWB.
He is a cheater always has always will be. Save yourself the pain and breakup and move on.
How old are you? It’s okay to break up and just end it. You have our permission.
Now go do the right thing.
How many posts about your issues with him have you made in the past two months? Doesn’t that tell you that the relationship should be over? Move on and start therapy, you will be happier.
I think if you ended this relationship you’d instantly feel happier. And then please work on yourself, find a therapist to help you grow confidence and boundaries so this doesn’t happen again
Why do you hate yourself? You allowed him an open relationship so he wouldn’t cheat ANYMORE? Wtf is up with that? Did you really think you’re going to be a “cool girlfriend who he loves with all his heart and respect” after you allowed him to cheat legit, you gave him an escape plan. Girl go love yourself.
Just answer this question with a yes or no and you will have your answer. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you have to drive by and hide behind a window to check if he’s alone or not?