So for some context, my partner (18ftm) and I (18m) have been dating for just over a year and recently we had a threesome with a close mutual friend (18m) of ours. Afterwards I had come to the conclusion that I would like to remain monogamous and just keep the relationship with my partner and stay as platonic friends with our friend. However my partner has stated that they would like to continue to have threesomes and hopefully have a non-monogamous romantic relationship with our friend and I, potentially others. My partner has said that if I’m not ok with it then they would like to see other people, however that thought and drawing on experience with our threesome makes me uncomfortable. I have expressed my want to stay just the two of us to both my partner and friend, but my partner has become upset with this, claiming that I’m not even willing to try. I love my partner dearly and I don’t want to lose them but I’m afraid that if I don’t agree to at least let them see other people then that is what is going to happen. I don’t think they would ever cheat on me and both of us are bisexual and they want me to be apart of any non monogamy that would happen if I agreed, but I just don’t want to be anything more then monogamous. I just don’t know what to do.
TLDR: my partner wants a consensual non-monogamous relationship and I don’t. Any advice?
6 comments
You know what to do.
They want to be non-monogamous, you do. If there ever was a deal breaker, this is it.
Respect yourself and your boundaries. Break up now and be very explicit in your next relationship that you only ever want to be monogamous.
Unfortunate when relationship goals diverge like this, but it happens all the same. Maintain your stance. Being realistic, that may result in parting ways, but if you can’t deal with opening the relationship up then it probably goes that way in any case. If things might unravel no matter what you choose, make the choice which aligns with you. Don’t compromise your position to keep a relationship you can no longer abide.
You say that they’d want to see other people if you want to stay monogamous – which you do.
Honestly, a lot of people who break up want to stay together, so I understand your hesitation at ending things however – you aren’t going to find what you want with this person, so why kill your chances by sticking around?
You’re young enough to feel as though every relationship is “it” – but that’ll change as you get more experience. So, my advice: end things as calmly as you can as an adult, and use that newfound free time to get to know yourself by exploring things, making mistakes, and having fun. At the moment, you’re giving yourself unnecessary stress and worry – you should be built up by a partner, not bought down into turmoil. Good luck 🙂
Find someone that wants monogamy. I’m the same way & those type of ppl don’t work for me. Makes me unhappy.
You aren’t compatible. Your partner is telling you that they want to have sex with other people. They’re actually getting upset that you won’t okay this. They will either cheat on you or the resentment will build up and poison your relationship from the inside. Either way, it’s over. Tell them that they can pursue whatever sort of relationship they see fit… as a single person. This isn’t an ultimatum, it’s not a negotiation, you’re not offering them a choice. You understand that you aren’t compatible and this relationship is over.
Easy, you are not a match.