Requesting advice on how to change my mindset and control my mood when issues arise in mine (24M) and my partners (24F) relationship

I made the below post earlier today to r/relationships on a throwaway account however the mods won’t let me post it here as I don’t have the correct username so I’m posting it on my main account. (It’s u/ArticPowow if you want to see the original post and replies) It hasn’t gained loads of attention however all of the attention that it has gained has more or less been all in favour of my partner; and me being at fault.

Earlier post begins:
————————————————————————

Hello, my partner (24F) and I (24M) have been having some pretty major issues in our 4 year relationship surround vaping.

So far our relationship has been smooth sailing and we very much have long term plans to stay with each other ther however over the last 6 months or so we have encountered a pretty major issues regarding vaping. When we first started dating she was smoking cigarettes and I smoked/do still smoke weed however I have plans to quit that due to financial reasons and ultimately I realise that it’s not a great habit. I have never been a fan of cigarettes and at the beginning of our relationship she decided she was going to stop as they were expensive and stopping her from saving money.

She stopped smoking cigarettes and started using vapes to ween herself off of the nicotine and ultimately stopped using vapes too for the same reasons. This all happened within the first year of our relationship.

There has been a recent trend of everyone in the teens/early twenties buying disposable flavoured vape pens which I absolutely despise. I think they are very much pointless, bad for your health, the environment and also expensive in the long term. She has taken a liking to the disposable vapes and I informed her that I am not ok with it. So much so that I cannot help but get noticeable agitated and withdrawn if she does it around me. We have spoken extensively about her vaping and I have told her that I really am not ok with it and do not want it in my relationship or around me. She has very little willpower and we spend a lot of time together so I am aware that if she continues to do it then it will be in my life the majority of the time.

She believes that I should not be able to ‘tell her what to do’ even though I have merely expressed my opinion and not once told her she cannot do it, I have just said I have told her I’m not ok with it so she cannot expect me to act any differently. However I believe that dealbreakers exist in relationships and that I would reserve the right to let her know if it is a dealbreaker for me and then she would have to decide if she still wants to do it or not. She called me toxic for this and said it is my problem and I should have to get over it.

I guess I just want a third party non biased perspective on if I’m being an ass about this? She believes that she should be able to do whatever she wants and I should love her enough to deal with it however I obviously love and care for her but I think that she should see how much I don’t want vapes in my relationship and decide if it means that much to her to vape as she is very much not addicted to it at this point.

Earlier post ends:
————————————————————————

The replies to the post have pointed out that I am in the wrong and should either get over it or break up with her. We currently have long term plans to stay together and besides this issue our relationship is damn near perfect so I’d like to keep it that way.

I am not too egotistical to admit when I am wrong and need to change however the replies to my post in r/relationships haven’t provided much insight on how to achieve that. Currently I cannot see me being able to look past it being done in front of me as it essentially consumes my whole mood the moment I see it.

I know I have stated in the post that it is a dealbreaker for me however, I love her too much to not give it my all and try and change my mindset before taking any drastic action.

Does anyone have any advice or guidance on how I can change my mindset regarding vaping and/or control my mood when it is being done in front of me or around me. The information I have provided may be vague and bordering on therapy but currently therapy is not an option due to time and availability so any help would be greatly appreciated.

Would asking her to not do it around me be a problem? We spend a lot of time together so this may still lead to her feeling restricted.

TL;DR: I am requesting help with changing my mindset or being able to control my mood when something I don’t like is in my relationship, Specifically vaping.