I feel terrible she’s super sweet and a nice person and I’ve only been seeing her for 2-3months now. I don’t even think we have titles yet. We have a good connection get along great everything. But she just lives a very different lifestyle than me. I’m in school studying for my career, she’s a bartender and we just kinda sprung this romance over my winter school break. I sprint at things head first with a lot of passion and she really REALLY likes me. I kinda think with my heart and not my head and now after really being hunkered down studying I just don’t see myself with this person long term at all. I just feel like such an asshole I didn’t want anything from her, it just felt right at the time and I don’t want to break this girls heart out the blue but I don’t want to make her fall more for me when I am starting to not feel the same way. I’m a every emotional person and I tell people how I feel all the time and I have expressed to her how happy I am when I see her and she makes me feel and now I just feel like the worlds biggest doucher like I made her fall for me and now I just don’t feel the same way. Idk she’s had a lot happen to her in her life and feels like I’m this super wonderful different guy and I feel like I’d just shatter her heart if I told her how I’m feeling. How would you guys handle this and what would you do?
TL;DR: I don’t see myself long term with the girl I’ve been spending a shit ton of time with, she’s really into me and I feel like it would crush her.
6 comments
This is a tough situation to be in. I know you’re an emotional person and you wear your heart on your sleeve, but this time it’s a bit different. You don’t want to hurt this girl, she’s been through a lot and you’ve made her feel special. But at the same time, you can’t keep pretending to feel the same way when you don’t. It’s not fair to either of you.
Listen, you can’t control how she feels, and you can’t control the outcome of this situation. But what you can control is how you handle it. Be honest with her, tell her how you feel. It might be hard and it might hurt her, but in the long run, it’s better than leading her on and making things worse.
Remember, you’re a good person and you care about her. You’re just facing a difficult choice, but the right thing to do is to be truthful. You don’t want to regret not being honest later on. You’re a stand-up guy, you got this!
Tell her the exact truth- let her know it’s not her, it’s just the situation you guys are in. I would rather have someone be honest with me and accidentally hurt my feelings, than to lie to me and waste my time. It’s normal for people to find out they aren’t compatible after a few months, not everyone can work together like that.
Have y’all had a conversation about whether SHE considers this a long-term thing? Like have you talked about what you are looking for in a relationship? It’s possible she ALSO doesn’t consider this a long-term thing, but is enjoying it for now.
You’re entitled to make any decision you like, and i understand the inclination to try to avoid hurt. Unfortunately, you can’t eliminate that possibility. All you can do is be kind and be gentle.
A different lifestyle than you, in what way?
I once had to break up with someone and it was similar to your situation. Something that I learned after the break up is that people get over people. They move on. She may be hurt initially, but with time and perspective she will not feel that way anymore.
She’ll be fine. Tell her now don’t drag it out.