I don’t care about sex. I don’t want to have sex, ever. Having sexual attraction, urges and fetishes disgusts me. The act of sex feels undignifying.
It is a mental struggle to have to deal with my conflicted libido or whatever this is. I want to understand what this means. Am I mentally repressed? Am I asexual? Or is it something else?
I mainly blame the conservative household I grew up in which shielded me from things as simple as a kissing scene in a movie, but I’m not sure if other factors might play into it.
5 comments
You should probably work this out with a therapist. Trace the roots of that disgust and find out why it exists, whether asexual, some mental block, or something else entirely.
Sex is by it’s nature a bit degrading, as one or both people use the other’s body as an object to get themselves off. However, it’s possible to perceive another person as both an object for sexual gratification as well as an equal being deserving respect (and deserving sexual pleasure themselves). Sex works best when both participants (assuming two for simplicity) are willing and eager to please the other, but that’s not always how sex occurs.
I also came from a conservative household, but that only increased my desire for sex if anything. Hope you can figure it out, sex is a wonderful activity when it is used to deepen a connection.
Besides a means of making babies, sex allows for a greater level of intimacy between two people. Could it be the thought of sex without loving/caring feelings is what bothers you?
I would suggest reading the book *Ace* by Angela Chen and seeing if any of it resonates with you.
How do you feel about emotional intimacy?
it is totally possible for an asexual person to experience arousal or have a high libido, it doesnt mean that you desire to be physical with someone; might be a bit complicated to understand such a concept but ive heard of asexual people having a sex drive and even masturbating from time to time, without wishing to do something with someone else.
you might be in a similar situation but ofc its best to not draw conclusions too soon, it could be some sort of repression due to conservative upbringing, or having developed a subconcious negative view of sex that places a mental barrier for you.