Who should see the engagement ring first?

15 comments

1. It’s your decision, and they should respect your boundaries.

2. If you like the idea of your girlfriend being the first to see it, especially if you know or suspect she would like that too, there’s your answer. No one else has the right. Acknowledge and deflect, like “oh it’s such and such a setting, I’m going to have GF be the first to actually see it, can’t wait to send you photos of it on her finger!” or whatever.

3. Are you certain that your girlfriend would want you to ask for her parents’ blessing before you ask her?

   It’s a polarising issue.

4. It’s your engagement and your ring. If you want her to be the first person to see it, then *do* that.

   If anyone else asks to see it say, “I want her to be the first person to see it, but we will send you photos right away if she says yes.”

   Honestly, I’m a little worried about the level of concern you have over what your parents and her parents will “want” in a situation that is ultimately and completely about the two of you; are you going to worry about what they want when you and she decide where to live, what you will name kids, and so forth?

   If you start off the marriage before it even *begins* with worry about what your parents and what her parents might want, instead of unilaterally and confidently doing what is right for you and her as a couple…then you will be setting a very dangerous precedent for the future.

5. Are you certain that your girlfriend would want you to ask for her parents’ blessing before you ask her?

   It’s a polarising issue.

6. Do what you want, if your parents are butthurt about anything to do with your engagement or marriage too bad, it’s your relationship.

7. ‘Sorry but it’s a surprise for fiancee, I can’t wait for you to see it once she has’/ no further answers

8. I’d say your girlfriend should see it first. It’s about you and her, not you, her and everyone else. If you want to show someone else first though? Do it. I’m pretty sure my fiance showed his brother the ring before he gave it to me (he was visiting us) and it doesn’t bother me. Do what you’re feeling. It’s not rude.

9. It is a gift for your GF/STBFiancée. Of course she sees it first. You are including 4 extra people in the process already. There is no reason for them to get a peek.

10. My husband showed the ring he bought to my parents when he asked for their blessing and I’m *sure* his parents (and probably siblings) saw it before the proposal as well. I couldn’t possibly have cared less about whether or not I was the first person to see the ring. I was just excited to marry him.

11. Your fiancé should be first. Then you show it to family together.

    This is your marriage, not your parents. Their feelings on anything to do with it don’t matter. Don’t make this mistake.

12. I just got recently engaged in February and my fiancee showed my mom and his mom so I was the 3rd to see it but I wasn’t at all upset. I loved that they were all in on the secret

13. Don’t show it to anyone before hand because they will start giving you their unasked for opinion. It’s too big. It’s too small. Why did you get that setting or cut? How much did you spend. Save it for the proposal.
    Also as a woman I find the asking parents blessing or telling them super out dated. Make sure you know your partners thoughts.

14. I’m one of the few women I have ever met who does not care at all about getting married or engaged but I’d be extremely upset if family saw my engagement ring before I did. That seems extremely weird.

15. I say your gf or maybe he’s sister/best friend/person who helped you pick out the ring if applicable.