I want to preface that I think everyone is intelligent, but this manifests differently. I am not smart, but I have a relatively niche set of interests.
Is it vital that you and your partner share interests, intellectualise in the same way? I may be placing too much importance on those alignments when these are qualities to be found in friends outside of a relationship as well.
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I think it’s important that you don’t. Different strengths make for good partnerships. Actively seek out someone who is different from you.
I think it’s only important that you accept each other’s differences and interests. Appreciating them is even more ideal but not totally necessary.
Completely disagree with the other comment. Dumbest advice I’ve ever seen, sorry.
I would say that being one the same / similar level intellectually is one of, if not the most important thing you should look for in a partner. Otherwise you just won’t get along. Sooner or later. The dumber one is gonna be insecure and the smarter one will not be satisfied. Have you ever seen someone with a PhD dating someone who didn’t even finish high school? Because I haven’t. But it’s not just about being school-smart. Just in general, it’d be hard to connect with someone who is on a very different intellectual level. And common interests are also SUPER important imo. You don’t have to share ALL interests but at least a few definitely. Like what are you even gonna do together if you share 0 interests? Experiences you make together are one of the things that should get you closer / help you find out if you’re a good match. If you have nothing in common, what are y’all gonna do together? And when it comes to every-day interests, if you have none in common, how are you ever gonna decide what to watch, where to eat, what to buy,.. etc? I would say it’s crucial you have at least one or two common interests. Not all but at least a few things that you can both do together and / or talk about. Common interests are the main way how people connect with each other. How are you two even gonna connect if you have nothing in common? Plus, if I add on the unaligned intellect? Nope, no way, won’t last.
Even if you have different interests, you should be able to have an engaging conversation about most things. It becomes really important especially when it comes to big decisions. Imagine finding out during the pandemic your partner doesn’t “believe” in vaccines/science.
Considering I am very bad at talking about non intellectual topics and tend to go so deep into lore of other things I like(star wars, halo, and 40k for example) to get the same effect(to enable my actually being able to socialise), it is extremely important that I am intellectually aligned with a partner, and the same goes for my friends. Theres a reason I have no friends who are super into acting or theatre but all my friends are either bookworms, political nerds, or history nerds. Its because I cant socialise with anyone else properly(much to my dismay)
Matched levels of intelligence is important. That helps across the board with communication, shared experiences, and shared interests.
Interests should be a combo of matched and individual. Then you have some things you love to do as a couple and some things that are just for you. Healthy balance.
Short answer, it depends.
Long answer, I feel like you are asking two different things in this question. One being similar interests of a potential partner and the other being how intelligent and what kind of intelligences compared to a potential partner.
The first thing that has to be established is mutual respect if there is a difference in intelligence levels. If someone isn’t as educated (or capable of learning to the same degree) as the other, they are still compatible, but not if either one looks down upon the other because of that difference. This could be in the form of anti-intellectualism or in the form of a highly educated person looking down upon those without degrees.
I still think people can find common ground and common things to talk about without needing to dumb themselves down or be made to feel inferior because they aren’t capable of deep or complex knowledge for certain topics. If someone does feel like they need deep philosophical conversations or they can’t stand to be around them, people can still have those psychological needs met by friends or colleagues, or even internet forums. (For those who think they need this kind of interaction in a romantic relationship, then they fall into the category of not being able to date someone without that ability. I personally don’t feel like it is a need, but I can’t speak for everyone and understand that.)
Onto the topic of shared interests, I feel like people can find common ground more easily than trying to change someone’s intelligence level or education level. You can create new shared interests together or find similar interests that you can do side by side. You can also still support your partner even if you don’t find their hobbies or interests as something that is your cup of tea.
Much like you stated in your post, I feel like the statements above are more difficult to put into action if the person who is looking for a potential partner has little to no friends (or little to no friends who don’t share those interests or who don’t have a similar level of intelligence). A person in that situation doesn’t have the social support to engage in their interests or intellectual conversation and tend to want those needs taken care of in a romantic relationship.
I think as long as you can find some common ground and you can connect with them emotionally it doesn’t really matter, but those can be hard to do if you don’t align intellectually