What are some things you consider “wife” things instead of “girlfriend” things?

42 comments

  1. There is no real difference for me (as someone “older” and married).

    The switch from living together for 7 years and then getting married didn’t change a thing in the relationship and we didn’t behave any differently.
    It basically only changed the tax.

  3. The label isn’t as important as the strength of the relationship behind it; you are his partner and he is yours. Do you both act like it? If there’s an imbalance that makes you feel like you’re putting in effort at a higher level (“wife status”) then maybe you should evaluate where you each stand and communicate your needs and expectations.

    Together 20 years, married 15.

  5. Well since I have been with my “husband” for almost 10 years, have a 15 year old child with him, own a home with him, have lived with him our entire relation and refer to him as my husband and myself as his wife…though technically we are not legally married…I don’t think there is a difference at all.

  7. Buying a house, getting pets together, having a joint (separate from own) bank account, being on eachothers health insurance.

  9. Well they’re different legal statuses. Wife things are like: automatically inheriting your spouse’s estate if they die with no inheritance tax. YMMV depending on local laws.

  10. Being considered next of kin when it comes to serious issues such as hospital or being arrested.

    Also as a wife I’d probably be able to make healthcare appointments for my spouse, something I am not able to do for my boyfriend but my mum did for my dad all the time.

  11. Now that I think of it…a lot.

    There’s a lot of stuff I wouldn’t / didn’t do as a girlfriend and I do as a wife.

    Financial and legal and to an extent medical things. So, for example, since we are married all of our finances are co-mingled. Some married people keep them seperate but in my case we had them seperate before married and tigether once we were married. It was just easier for us. I would never have a joint bank account with him when we were living together but not married.

    And, similarly, legal docs, so signing in the house, setting up the trust, I did all of that,as in I did the legwork to get it all done and had him come too which I would not have done if we weren’t married.

    And some medical stuff. So, for example, I will schedule his doc appointments, pick up prescriptions, yell at the insurance company for not covering squat.

    I call his mom to make sure we all still stay in touch. I didn’t do that when we were boyfriend / girlfriend. She wasn’t my family in any way so I guess I didn’t feel the need to.

    I also handle all of our car stuff, like oil changes, which I never did before but now I care that his car stays well maintained!

  12. Reading your comments explains why my significant other has a fear of marriage 😂 we have been together 15 years share no joint accounts and do not live together.

  14. When you start making long term decisions that will affect both parties and can have lasting consequences with her. It means you’re invested in this person in more than one way and I think that’s a key difference between a wife and a girlfriend, even if marriage isn’t involved.

  15. Obligation to attend family functions, combined bank accounts, having children are all wife activities in my eyes.

  17. Not too sure. I’ve been with my fiancé for over 6 years. Most of the things people are saying are “wife” things are things my partner and I already have in place – shared bank account, financial ties, a cat together. I think it’s more situational than the actual status. Unless it’s taxes, then that’s wife status.

  19. I don’t think there are any, it’s just a matter of being sensible about the lack of legal (and emotional) protections as a girlfriend. But marriage doesn’t exactly fix those all either.

    Like I bought a house with my SO before marriage so we had to discuss what would happen with that if we broke up. I don’t really see anything wrong with doing serious long-term partner things before marriage as long as they’re doing the same (rather than one person making sacrifices with the expectation that one day the relationship will be more serious).

  20. Cleaning up after a man. I mean, I didn’t even do that shit as a wife, but I see far too many women fall into this trap. My niece and her friend literally decorate and clean their boyfriend’s apartments for them and they don’t even live together. I try to tell them it’s setting a bad precedent and things only get worse once you move in together, have kids, etc. But they don’t listen to me.

  21. Joint bank accounts, loan co-signing, joint credit cards, purchasing big ticket items (property, car, pets), tax filing, any type of insurance sharing, are all marriage things largely for legal reasons.

  22. We merged accounts and got pets when we knew we’d stay together, but any additional long term entanglements – like buying a house or investing in retirement as a team waited for marriage

  24. Bathroom related embarrassments. Some women get so concerned about childbirth and potentially pooping in front of their partner. We’ve been married 8 years and both my births, my husband stayed at my head and was unaware about any poop. Both times I was like “lol I for SURE pooped fyi”

    Wife things means no shame.

  25. Nothing. Common law is just as protective in Canada as marriage is. Marriage was an incredible party but it changed nothing but older people’s opinion of our level of commitment

  26. I don’t really see a difference in things between wife and girlfriend. Especially as I’ve gotten older.

    I think it’s a different kind of relationship all together so I don’t compare them against each other.

    A wife is a commitment with a legal contract.

    A girlfriend is a commitment without a legal contract.

    In my 30s now, and the only difference between being a girlfriend and being a wife is the legal contract.

  27. Wife things: the legal rights, obligations, protections, and responsibilities that you agree to by engaging in a legal marriage.

    Everything else is personal choice between you and your partner(s)

  28. I don’t want to get married or have kids, so there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do solely because we haven’t signed a contract. We keep our finances separate but have a shared investment that we’ll use to eventually buy a house. We’re in for the long run and we work every day towards the forever goal. Everything else doesn’t matter.

  29. wife: joining finances, ring, children, being a stay at home partner, medical decisions and imput

  30. Immigration. Aside from Australia I don’t know any country that recognizes non-married couples for this purpose.

  35. Buying a house and starting a family together. It’s probably my most “conservative” opinion 😅

  36. Right. So my friend (19F) recently just paid for her boyfriend (24M) of one year’s wisdom teeth surgery. $3,500 right there. This is absolutely “wife” type behavior. She also wakes him up in the morning, drives him to work, picks him up, buys groceries, etc. Recently went on a double date with them and she paid for their meal. I suspect she pays for their meals quite more often than she lets on in our conversations. I have expressed my thoughts multiple times at her inquiry but she just continues.

  37. But do you mean “wife” as in “legally married”, or as “partner for life”?

  39. Apparently nothing! We own a house (mortgaged) have a child, adopted two cats, bills are all joint, I’m even a beneficiary on his life insurance! We are engaged to be married next year but everything except one cat and the house was pre-engagement. Before the engagement we were saving for a house deposit so we knew we would have a mortgage before a marriage. We have been together 8 years this year (since we were 18) so it’s very much a common law marriage. We are already married in every way… y’know except legally

  40. For me- living together and buying a home together. Too messy for me personally if not married. I just saw my niece in law go through a mess because she lived with a guy (the father of her children) for years and they bought a house together and now she’s scrambling trying to get things put in her name etc. because they were never married and he passed away. It’s not a morals issue for me. It’s just a legal thing I just think it’s impractical to be tied up with somebody financially when you’re not married.

  42. Here’s the trap.

    As women were more naturally nurturing, encouraging creatures. We anticipate needs before people have them. We care for and console others around us to build them up. We like to help our partners out by making sure their enjoying good food, have an effortless morning on their way to word by sorting their laundry, and we are an ever present sounding board to bounce ideas and decisions off of. Married or not, we’re inclined to treat our partners this way.

    What should a wife do that a girlfriend should not do?

    Wife: preparing his meals, doing his laundry, advising him on work decisions, optimizing his life in a way that allows him to save time and focus on his career

    Girlfriend: plan enjoyable dining experiences for him on your nights together (don’t be solely responsible for him being fed), ask him how work is going when you’re spending purposeful time together (do not become his daily stress/emotion dumpster), do favors like watching his dog or picking up his dry cleaning (but do not assume the role of manager and coordinator of these tasks)

    When you do those things as a wife, you’re making an investment into this person that will pay you back dividends emotionally and financially (even in the event of a divorce, you’ll be compensated for these efforts). When you do these things as a girlfriend, you’re sacrificing time and energy that you could be spending on yourself and growing your own life and career. It’s an expense, not an investment.

    What does a girlfriend get after living with a man for 5 years, managing his home, emotionally and intellectually investing in him and his growth, and taking care of his needs before he needs them?

    Nothing. Seen too many girlfriends help their boyfriends start businesses, climb the ladder, move into better houses that these women turn into relaxing homes… to be left with nothing.

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