My (28M) now ex girlfriend (28F) and had been doing distance for a year, we decided we wanted to be in the same area, my area for a year, and then move to Seattle. So I rewrote her resume, helped her find a much better paying job, and an apartment she loved (we weren’t ready to move in together just yet). The time came for her to move, I flew to her, I packed up her house into a uhaul, drove it 8 hours, and unpacked it for her. Once she moved, things had been going well like always, minus some growing pains and getting used to a dynamic change in the relationship because of no longer be LDR.
A month later, we took a trip to Seattle to see her brother and SIL, as well as to scope out the area for our potential future move. We were having what I thought was a good time, her brother didn’t hit it off like I had hoped, just very different from the people I typically get along with, but was trying to be fun. Three days (on a Sunday) into the nine day trip, my girlfriend asked me to go on a walk. I agreed, and on the walk she basically told me that she doesn’t think we’re right for each other and that while she loves me, something was missing. Obviously, I was very upset, blindsided, and confused. I told her I wanted to go home and insisted she pay for my flight back. She agreed after being persistent. I spent the rest of the day in Seattle alone with strangers and took a red eye home that night. That trip was emotionally traumatizing to say the least.
I get home the next day and just sleep for hours. T and W are the same, barely eating, spending all day in bed. Thurs I try to back to work but leave mid day because I can’t keep it together. I was finally able to work a full day on Friday. I had now wasted 60 hours of PTO on a vacation I didn’t get to enjoy and taking care of my mental health.
My ex stayed on the trip, did all the activities we planned to do, posted them on social media, and refused to refund me for the portions of the activities I had paid for.
She was coming home on a Saturday. She texted me Friday asking when we could meet up so she could get her car keys and house keys. We agreed to meet up at 6. At 1 on Saturday, I receive a call from my ex that she would be over at 230 to get her things. I told her that I wasn’t around, I couldn’t meet until our agreed time as I made plans. She proceeded to scream at me on the phone in front of her parents. Telling me I was withholding her things and verbally berating me. I never raised my voice back, I told her she can’t speak to me like that, and that I’m sorry but your timeline doesn’t work for me and I’ll see you at 6. Important note here is that her roommate was home and could’ve let her in to her place no problem until she could get her keys.
When she eventually came over, she refused to apologize for her behavior over the phone. From that time on, I could barely recognize the person my partner now was.
TL;DR My now ex broke up with me across the country, then returned and demanded I orient my schedule around her so she could get her things.
Was I wrong for standing my ground
3 comments
No you weren’t, you were fine and did the right thing. I highly highly recommend you cut contact with her. Delete messages, photos, unfollow on social media, the whole works. Cut her out of your like completely and focus on moving on, sounds like you dodged a bullet there
Do you really think the question “was I wrong?” can be answered? What would “wrong” even mean in that context?
She got her things. It’s over.
It sounds like what you’re really asking is “did I have a chance at getting her back until I did that?”, to which the answer is almost certainly “no”.
It sounds like you put a lot of effort into making the move and supporting her, and it was a real shock to have her break up with you like that.
It’s understandable that you were upset and blindsided, and it’s definitely not right for her to expect you to change your plans just because she showed up early. You had every right to stick to the agreed-upon time, and you handled the situation calmly and respectfully despite her outburst.
It sounds like the whole situation was emotionally traumatic for you, and it’s not fair that she wouldn’t refund you for the portion of the trip you paid for or apologize for her behavior. It’s really heartbreaking to see someone you love change so much and treat you so poorly.
Just know that you deserve better, and you did the right thing by standing your ground and not letting her mistreat you. You don’t deserve to be spoken to like that, and you don’t deserve to be treated so poorly. Hold your head high and focus on taking care of yourself.