GF has been struggling with tonsil issues for the last few years, and this last week got bad enough for her to go get seen by an ENT. As we expected, they told her she needs to get her tonsils removed.
I have had a trip planned out of the country with my best friend for over 2 months. Plane tickets bought, hotels reserved, suba training done and paid for, time off work approved… I haven’t had a vacation in years and have been really looking forward to this.
But when my GF was given dates for the surgery, she chose to get it done the day I was planning to leave, even though they had a bunch of other open dates available that wouldn’t impact my trip.
Kicker is she doesn’t like my best friend and has resented the fact I’m going on vaca with him. When she booked the surgery, she sarcastically goes “Guess you don’t get to go on your trip now” like it made her happy and I genuinely think she did it on purpose.
I feel like we could have communicated about the logistics of all this so that my trip wouldn’t be impacted. I obviously want to be there for her and help her recover and take care of her, but feel like there was just a complete disregard for me and no consideration of plans I had.
Trying to understand if I’m a D bag if I go on this trip (her mom offered to come help take care of her if needed), or if she is in the wrong for purposely booking this when she knew it would affect the trip when she could have waited.
Thoughts?
TLDR: GF booked a surgery the same week I had planned to go on vaca and is telling me I have to cancel my trip to take care of her.
26 comments
>When she booked the surgery, she sarcastically goes “Guess you don’t get to go on your trip now” like it made her happy and I genuinely think she did it on purpose.
*Wow*.
That’s… pretty ridiculous. Honestly since she made it pretty clear she did this on purpose to stop you from going, I’d say fuck it and go on your trip.
Go on the trip. She did it on purpose. If she really wants you there instead of mom, she can change the date. It’s tonsils, not open heart surgery.
Girlfriend can reschedule or get someone else to stay with her. If she’s been dealing with it for years theres no urgency that it has to be done while youre away. Your girlfriend is in the wrong here, it’s clear she did it deliberately.
Drop the gf. Go on vacation.
Nah, you’re not a dbag. She made sure you knew it was deliberate. She’s giving you an ultimatum. Call her on it. Take your trip. Seems you’re single, enjoy it! Controlling behaviour should have consequences
Sounds like your relationship has bigger problems. You need to really decide if this relationship is working if she’s happily disrespecting you.
Go on your trip. She deliberately chose a time you were unavailable, so she doesn’t need you.
Your gf is controlling and disrespectful.
Go on the holiday and use that time away from her to decide if she’s the right person for you long term or if it’s time to walk.
Fuck all of that. Let her ass sit at home and have her mom take care of her.
She was going to be sitting at home regardless most likely resentful of you leaving on a trip with your best friend anyways.
That’s toxic for her not to understand how you need a life outside of your relationship and have other relationships that you need to water.
She’s 33 years old- it’s ridiculous that she’s playing games like that.
**go on your trip**
Go on your trip, she did this on purpose!!
Two easy steps to remedy this situation.
1. Dump vindictive girlfriend.
2. Enjoy trip with friend.
Tell her you are not canceling your trip and that she can change her surgery date or have her mom come stay with her.
papa what’s the issue? go enjoy your vacation
The only asshole here is her for wasting your time, money, and vacation hours. Tell her straight up your plans aren’t changing and she better let her mom know now, otherwise she’s on her own.
I would go on this trip as a single man. 😂🤣. However, I’m in my 40s and no longer have tolerance for this kind of bullshit. She’s really trying to isolate you from your friend, kick her to the curb.
Ask her to reschedule her surgery so that you can be there for her. If she will not, it’s on her. I think you should go on your trip. She pulled a real dick move.
Go on your trip. She knew you had a conflict but booked it anyway.
And also, like is too short to date people who are that petty.
Her remark about you not being able to go on the trip now is break up worthy in my eyes. Show that bitch whose boss and break up with her sorry ass. Sorry mate.
Go on your trip, she knew you had plans and she could have chosen a different date.
She showed that she did this on purpose, so you need to set a firm boundary. If she has a problem with that, then let her go so you can find someone who would be happy for you to go on a vacation with your friend.
Go on the trip, have a great time! She is in the wrong here for trying to ruin your trip on purpose, it’s a tonsilectomy, not emergency open heart surgery. As she only really needs someone with her for 24hours after the surgery she can ask a friend to stay with her. I’d be also using your trip away to consider whether you want to continue to be in a relationship with someone this manipulative. I would also make sure all documents needed for your trip, passport etc are in a safe place so they cannot “accidently” go missing with not enough time to be replaced before you leave.
Yeah no, call her mom to care for her. She’s being manipulative and I wouldn’t go along or encourage it. She knew you would be away and made the choice to pick that day, so she needs to deal with the reasonable consequences of not having you there to care for her. She did it to herself.
She clearly did this on purpose. It’s a power play. You should go on your vacation. She can either reschedule her surgery, have her mom help her, or suck it up by herself because it’s just a tonsillectomy, and not that big of a deal. If she throws a total shit fit over this then you should still go on your trip, but maybe move all your stuff out before you leave, because that’s the end. And yeah, even if she threatens to break it off if you don’t stay, you should still go. Unless you want her controlling you for the rest of your life, that is.
>”Guess you don’t get to go on your trip now”
WRONG! No one who actually cared about you would intentionally schedule elective surgery on a date they *know* you have a planned and paid vacation scheduled. No one. No one who actually cares about you, that is. This one doesn’t care about you at all. What a horrid thing to do.
So, what is the solution? Mom comes to take care of her daughter, and you take your planned vacation. Schedule flowers to be delivered while you are gone, with a note telling her you hope she gets well soon, so she can find a new effing BF.
I’ve had my tonsils removed and it was awful, but I was still fine on my own. Not really a lot you could have done it you stayed, she just needs rest and pain killers. She sounds pretty manipulative. But it’s weird that she’s never met your best friend. My guess is that this isn’t about the surgery at all, but something unresolved about your relationship with this friend.
You give into her manipulation, she will continue. Go and have fun. Best friends are forever!
Your girlfriends basically looked you in the face and said ‘fuck you.’ Doesn’t sound like her breaking up with you would be all that bad.
She 100% booked the surgery to get you to cancel the trip. If I was your friend and you cancelled the trip for your selfish girlfriend I would rethink my friendship with you. You need to tell her to re book it for make plans with someone else.