Hey all. Me (26M) and my girlfriend (23F) been dating for about 3 months. Since Valentine’s Day is coming up, I compiled a list of restaurants (my girlfriend is a picky eater, so that’s why I didn’t just pick a restaurant), and I told her whichever restaurant sounds good to let me know and I’ll make a reservation. Well, She responds back, not even really acknowledging the list I sent her and just asks if we can do it the day after instead. She said she wanted to do it the day after because she doesn’t like going when there’s lots of people. Yet, we’ve been to several places where it’s been fairly crowded before. I explained to her that the evening after could be just as packed, but she insisted on going on the 15th instead of the 14th. I’m kinda just like ????
Like here I am trying to set up a date for a day that you’re supposed to spend with your partner, and she doesn’t want it? Idk I just feel shot down, and now I’ve just kind of lost my vibe for the whole date thing like I really don’t care either way now if we go or not. Am I ridiculous for feeling like that?
28 comments
Yeah, you’re ridiculous for feeling like that. Isn’t the point of valentine’s to make your partner happy? If that’s your goal, be a big boy and take her out on the 15th because that will make her happier. Having a happy girlfriend is more important than making society happy by following the norms. You can of course also ask her if she wants to do something else on the 14th, if it’s important for you to do something that day in particular
Valentine’s Day is so overrated, give her flowers on the actual day and do dinner on the 15th like she wants.
Valentine’s Day restaurant crowds are next level! She’s not wrong, you’d have more fun going out the 15th.
Maybe she just doesn’t like Valentine’s Day. Lots of people don’t. And eating at a restaurant on Valentine’s Day is a unique form of hell. Believe what she tells you.
Hey, piece of advice. Respect her wish. If she doesn’t wanna go on 14th then the next day. Whats the bigdeal about it?
Try doing something romantic for her. Cook her a nice dinner and stay in.
Valentine’s Day crowds are hell, I’m with your girlfriend on this one. There’s nothing wrong with celebrating it on the 15th, a lot of couples do that to miss the crowds. Ask her if she’d rather just go for a walk in a park or hang out somewhere less crowded if you just really want to be with her on that day.
Question? Is she not wanting to spend time with you on the 14th or just not go to dinner? This is an important difference
I totally understand your frustration.
Everyone here saying just do it on the 15th – no biggie, are missing the point you’re making in this post – her total lack of enthusiasm or acknowledgement of how important this day is for You.
Listen to her. Period. Just listen.
Valentine’s Day is overrated anyway. Many people suddenly wanna go out on dates and i think that kinda takes away some kind of special mood and romantic. So i would recommend to just have romantic dinner at home on the 14th or 15th and plan something like going to a fancy restaurant or whatever you have on mind on a total different day.
Just let her have her way. There will be times to tell her no but this ain’t it
She has a date the 14th
Ok.. firstly, I’d suggest you to respect her decision and don’t go out that day (it shows that you actually listen to her, respect her and want to make her happy). Go and celebrate your romance another day, no big deal.
As others have said (I personally believe it, too) YOUR happiness matters, too! You both are equal and deserve the best. In this case, your gf should do something (have you a surprise, bring you a present when u guys meet) to make you feel happy, too! If she won’t do anything, it would be a ‘yellow flag’ for me as it shows that she might be entitled and doesn’t respect their SO.
What I would do, is that i would have a conversation with her and express to her if or how much important is for you this day, learn about her perspective.
What rings a bell (slightly) is that she doesn’t want to go out at all on the 14th. Ask her out and tell her to go just for a walk, something really chill. It will not be that packed with people in the streets, parks, etc.
If after the convo you 2 will have and your suggestion for something that doesn’t involve many people around you, she is still reluctant on going out with you (her SO), I’d have some 2nd thoughts about her..
i think you maybe picked the wrong date idea — she’s a picky eater who doesn’t like crowds. a restaurant on valentine’s day is a nightmare for someone like that. if you suggest a different idea for Feb 14th and she still shoots it down, then that’s a cause for confusion, hurt, feelings and a deeper conversation
but as it stands, i think you’d get major points with her for pivoting and thinking of a cute idea that is low key and suits her. this will show her you listen, you care, and you’re trying to truly know her.
Did you explain to her that valentines day means a lot to you? I think if I told my bf I didn’t want to go out on valentines because everywhere is horribly crowded/usually overpriced (which is 100% true btw), he wouldn’t care. But if he did have strong feelings and told me, we could come to a compromise. She can’t read your mind, and her logic is sound.
Omfg, who cares about Valentines day? Its just a commercial day where people feel that they have to go out and eat romantic stiff dinner, where all you hear is other people’s cutlery against their plats. Down with the day
I would be suspicious as hell. If you don’t see her the whole day you know what’s up
You have 364 days a year that you can take her out. You don’t need just one day set aside in February to tell her how much you care about her.
But if you are wanting to do something for her that SHE wants, then, LISTEN to her. Take her out the day after. It’s not a big deal. My Girlfriend is the exact same way. Doesn’t want to deal with the crowds the day of.
So we are doing something for dinner afterwards
Are you seeing her of the 14th still and she just doesn’t want to go to dinner? That’s cool it happens
Is she mysteriously unavailable? Congrats, that’s probably not your girlfriend…you just don’t realize it yet
Sounds like she has plans with someone else that day, bud.
I’m with her.
You want the sentiment, but she’s being sensible. If anything she’s an absolute keeper.
She’s the type that will suggest going on vacation during the off-season instead of during the holidays or summer because she knows it’ll be more enjoyable, instead of just doing the thing because reasons.
Sounds more like for her the problem is less about going out on Valentine’s Day and more about being in what will likely be a very, very crowded restaurant. Could you settle on another date idea? Maybe you guys can pack a nice picnic and find an activity to do or somewhere to spend the day together instead?
Valentine’s day is possibly second in terms of biggest days to go out for the year to only Mother’s day. Those two are the busiest days of the year. Plus with Mother’s day it’s a lot more spread out so I’d guess dinner on Valentine’s day is busier than dinner on Mother’s day, so actually the busiest of the year. So it’s unlikely it’ll be as busy on the 15th, which may have a bit more people than a typical Wednesday with people doing what she’s suggesting but not by that much. Personally I don’t know why the day itself is a huge deal? The idea is nice to spend the day or as much of it as you can with your partner and show them you care. But does it matter if it’s on the specific day vs a day later when you do that?
I’d also say what matters more to you that your partner is comfortable on this date or that the date happens on a specific day?
>dating for about 3 months.
3 months? Are you sure you are the only one in her life?
>you’re supposed to spend with your partner
Are you doing this because you are SUPPOSED to???
>I just feel shot down
Shot down? She wants to go out on the 15th because restaurants are insane on the 14th… if she shot you down it would of just been a “no”
>Am I ridiculous for feeling like that?
Yes… a little bit ridiculous… what do you know about her other than she is picky eater? Plan something else… go to an art museum if she is into art… maybe there is something else you can plan to do with her.. fix her favorite food or something… also its like 7 days left most restaurants are probably already booked up… you be lucky to get a seat outside by the dumpster
Well, why does the date matter? Just because its February 14th doesn’t mean you can’t celebrate and show your love for someone.
Mate, what is she doing on the 14th? There is a big difference between not wanting to go to a crowded restaurant and not wanting to see you at all.
Are you sure she doesn’t have another date for the 14th? If she doesn’t want to see you at all, I think it looks sketchy.
I am with poppedcorn24, he wants to spend the special day with his girlfriend, and his girlfriend just shoots down all his effort. It is pretty disrespectful and inconsiderate.
She could at least come up with something else to do together.
You don’t have to go out for dinner on valentines day. You could order a pizza and eat it in the park or something.
You could even prepare each other’s dinner, to eat somewhere romantic.
*Big red flag if she just doesn’t wants to see you. Take care.