I feel hopeless, how do I overcome this anxiety?

5 comments

1. I was in the same boat as you. It’s a major step for for anyone to have sex for the first time, and it’s not without reason, the wrong person could take advantage of you or worse. The best advice I can give you is to not rush into things. If there was one thing I wish for is that I stayed a virgin so that I could give it to the right person. Virginity is a blessing and it should be given to the one person that you love and the person loves you back. The best advice I can give is to just start looking. But don’t do it for the sex, do it for Love. Paradoxically focusing on sex in a relationship can actually make the sex less pleasurable. The magic comes when you and your partner share an emotional connection. The stronger the connection, the stronger the pleasure and it will give sex meaning. You may be nervous and anxious at first meeting a partner for the first time, but as you get to know them you start to gauge their personality and you’ll become more and more comfortable around them if they don’t have any red flags. But that comes with time and patience, don’t rush into the relationship but take it at a reasonable pace that you’re comfortable with. Then when that moment comes down the line where you two share a strong emotional bond, especially if and when you decide to get married, the pleasure will be so beautiful and meaningful.

2. Anxiety and hopelessness stinks. Sorry you’re feeling that way. Most times life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it. We often times make more out of situations and look back thinking I worried for nothing. I’m not saying your feelings are invalid, just saying try to take it easy on yourself.

   Find the right person at your own pace. Having a deep emotional connection does make it more meaningful. I personally wish I had waited for the right person but I focused more on achieving a goal out of feelings of inadequacy. I would not make that decision knowing what I know now.

3. So I was older than you when I had any sexual contact with a woman (I was 23), and I was quite awkward around women I found attractive. At one point I was hanging out with a “friend of a friend” who I knew socially, and she came onto me. I was slow on the uptake (she literally had to put my hand on her boob for me to get the hint), but we had a nice fwb situation for a few months. The two things that helped me the most with my social anxiety were time and practice. Something else that might help would be to make a concerted effort to take what other people say at face value, and try not to ascribe subtext.

4. I was you. And it was tough. I didn’t lose my virginity until I was 30. And I’m so incredibly glad that I waited. Not because my virginity was sacred and I wanted to give that gift to the man I would marry. But because I know I saved myself a lot of bad sex and a lot of heartache in my 20s. The thought of being naked in front of another human was terrifying. I never thought I would be able to let someone touch me. I spent a lot of time in therapy working on my anxiety, getting on meds, getting my depression under control.
   My advice would be to find a good therapist that you really connect with and you feel understands your concerns.
   I never thought it would happen for me, but once I finally did lose my virginity, I knew what I liked and what I wanted.

5. I’m the same age as you and I feel the same. I’m super shy and awkward, and I can’t imagine being able to have sex with anyone without suffering from the worst anxiety and embarrassment ever. Just the thought of it scares me, it makes me sad that it comes so easily to others :1 this subreddit is my exposure therapy ahaha