how much of an age gap is too much ?

27 comments

1. Depends what makes you feel comfortable

2. I entered this question with the mindset of 10+ as you start to get into different generations but really two consenting adults… can do what they like.

3. If you like him then go for it. Everyone has their preferences and you shouldn’t be ashamed of it as long as no harm done

4. It’s consensual and you’re over 18 so it doesn’t matter unless it bothers you. If it bothers you then it’s to much, if it doesn’t then who cares.

5. An age gap becomes too large once you’re uncomfortable with it.

    

   That discomfort can come from internal hesitation and doubt, or it can come from external fear of judgement from friends, family, and strangers for your choice in partner. Maybe you’re suffering from a healthy mixture of both. In any case, it doesn’t really *matter* what an age gap is between two consenting adults. If they’re fine with it, then though you may feel offput by it, it doesn’t effect you, so it doesn’t ultimately matter.

    

   In your case, you’re uncomfortable with the gap you’re in. You may not *want* to have these feelings, but they’re there, so if you want something meaningful and long lasting to come from this relationship, you’ll *have* to address the origin of your discomfort.

    

   Are you afraid that the age gap will cause you two to be at two different positions in life, and thus have little to connect over and discuss? Are you afraid of your family’s opinions on the relationship? Are you afraid that your friends will look at you differently? Are you afraid strangers will be disgusted by your relationship? What’s the fear? You’ve got to figure that part out if you plan on pursuing the guy further, and in a fair way that results in him receiving the love and appreciation he deserves.

    

   Until that reflection and realization happens, you’re going to find yourself continuing to hold back in the relationship, and if you don’t end up leaving, he’ll leave as a result.

6. Life is an expression from what you feel, don’t judge a person’s age based on perception, base it on experience, if you feel good with someone go with the flow of nature, in today’s world with the social atmosphere be grateful your with someone who makes you feel comfortable no matter the age.

7. its fine.

   i would say what matters more is do you respect each other and can you communicate about conflict in a good way.

8. Age gaps are just taboo. There’s really nothing wrong as long as you’re both consenting adults. It might be best to take it super slow and get to know each other first. If he is a great guy, he’ll be more than fine with going as slow as you need. Also it might be best to sit down and talk openly about it with him. Communicating that you have mixed feels can help you both come to a better understanding of each other. A great guy shouldn’t be scared off by this. However, you will run into people who feel compelled to voice their opinion on you’re relationship, but you’ve gotta work on yourself to not be bothered by them. But honestly, judgmental people like that are so dumb and insecure, so their opinions shouldn’t be regarded anyway.

9. At your age I wouldn’t go higher than 25. A 12 year age gap would only be appropriate if you’re both above 30 and even then I’d probably discourage it. When you’re in your 20’s you are still developing mentally and emotionally and you really need to be seeing people who are at the same life stage as you are. Also, with a 33 year old guy I would question why he feels the need to date a woman so much younger than he is. Is it because women his own age don’t want him? Is it because he thinks a 21 year old would be much easier to manipulate?

10. At the end of the day you are both consenting adults, but there is more you need to consider than just people having an issue with your age.

    Him being 33 and you being 21 there is a good chance that you are different stages of life. Do you have similar views on what a future would hold for the two of you? Do you want kids and if so when?, And does he have similar views?

    Are you you in school still? What happens once you graduate? Would you have to move to find a job and if so would he be willing to move with you or have a ldr?

    Mutual hobbies, interests, and getting along well are only part of a relationship. There will need to be some serious discussions between the two of you to see what you want your lives to look like in 5,10, plus years. If you share similar visions there is a chance that the age gap is not a huge issue and with healthy communication skills you two could be okay. If they differ there is a good chance this isn’t meant to be and that’s okay too.

11. I feel like when both individuals are Atleast 25 yr old then it’s okay. Anything below, like the one above, you’re just at two different stages of life. If you haven’t had enough experiences in relationships, then there’s bound to be a power play and some manipulation. 33 knows what they want and might be ready to settle down, 21 not so much. You literally change from 21 and 23. And then 23 and 25.

12. Mutual friends?

13. depends what you want. my husband is 10 years older than me and we got together at 24 and 34. i had been living on my own and working for 5 years at that point and so we didn’t notice much of a difference beyond like our childhood recollections and such. now that i’m 31 and he’s 41, the age difference is barely perceptible, we’re both going through “firsts” at the same time/rate.

    i’d say it’s weird if you’re still in college or still have some living to do. if you live at home still or have just started living alone, it’s just a bit awkward to date in two different life stages.

14. I think its fine

15. I’ve got a rule one year older one year younger no more no less no middle

16. It’s too much.

    25 and under, stick to with 1-3 years

    29-25 open it up a bit more but be on the lookout for serious imbalances in income, or anything else that could be used to manipulate.

    29 and older, open season but use your judgement

17. The age gap is the reason I want to leave… This is what my 27 yrs old gf told me when she want to end up with me. I’m 37.7 yrs relationship just fade away because she got job to earn in figures.but I loved when she has nothing. This is how love working out nowadays. Take care don’t leave ur guy no matter what, because of this I’m in under treatment and even had stroke in my head.too much stressed.

18. What’s the rule here, half his age plus 7? So 33/2 = 16.5 plus 7 = 23.5 …. so it’s kinda right on that line… But hey, if it feels good then why not.

19. As someone around his age the absolute lowest I’d go would be mid 20s for a relationship. Even something casual I’d feel weird going to early 20s. I prefer someone around my own age.

    After mid 20s I don’t think an age gap would really matter. Maybe say 26 and 55 would be a little odd but their both 100% adults at that point so their life decisions are up to them.

20. It’s how you feel about it , actually I was (20F) and he was (35M) and in the beginning it was fine but I thought a lot about it and after 8 months I could not handle the thought about me and him on an older age when you are living with an old grand pa and you are just like retired or still working .

    But yeah the mental age of a little kid of him did not help either. 😅
    For some people it does work but in my opinion I will never try it again.
    I would love to stick to 4-5years max.

21. Past a certain age, age gaps aren‘t such an issue: 16 and 26 is highly inappropriate but 26 and 36 is not that weird

    It also depends on how different your life experiences are, if you‘re naive or new to relationships, live at home are still in school and don‘t have a job that‘s going to be a completely different life stage than someone who has their own house, a job, pays taxes, had relationships and many experiences etc

    They might already be looking to settle down and have kids when the younger person is just starting to become independent, wants to travel etc

    And I personally find the age gap between 21 and 33 too big

22. I am 43, and my girlfriend is 21. It’s not even awkward with her. Normally I wouldn’t date that young, but she stuck around for a year before we started dating. My max is normally 10 years.

23. When you’re questioning the gap, then it becomes too much.

    Unless it’s 6 years, then just go for it.

24. That age gap is very doable

25. I had the same age gap and different lifestyles became an issue. Just in 2 different stages of life kinda but it works as long as ur day to day activities mesh together enough. I kinda found myself settling down sometimes or just feeling like idk what I want in a relationship still. It works but it can be complicated for sure.

26. 21 and 33 although quite a large gap shouldn’t be a problem in the long term as long as you both are very comfortable in the relationship..
    Love is love and age rly doesn’t matter unless your a minor of course..
    Imagine yourself in 20mins with this guy..
    A 41ye old with a 53yr old… doesn’t seem like much of a gap when u look at it like that..

    Do what u think is fine and what ur comfortable with

27. Basically you should be in school together at the same level e.g a high school fresher and a senior kinda