Hi guys, please don’t judge me or say mean things about this question, I beg. Also, I would greatly appreciate tips, ideas, and advice from mostly people who identify as Women! <3
But basically, I don’t mean like sub-dom dominant but just more confident and saying what I like and what I want during sex.
During sex, I am the type to just go with the flow and hope that the person can please me. Sometimes I’ll ask for different positions, and say NO to things I don’t want. But I wish I could do stuff like grabbing S.O.’s chin and demanding a kiss, holding down my SO while having sex, or even initiating sex.
I don’t mind being submissive but I do like being in control, it’s like I’m too scared or shy to do it. I currently don’t have an S.O. and haven’t had sex in a while, because I am refraining. But the last time I had sex, it was pleasing but I didn’t feel good about my performance because I didn’t attempt the things I wanted to try.
It’s not easy for me as I do suffer from generalized anxiety and social anxiety disorder and I think I carry this anxiety into the bedroom when I have intercourse or want to get intimate. So telling me just to do it and get over it really doesn’t help, as all my friends just say to me.
I Talk about sex with my girlfriends all the time, and I just feel embarrassed and upset when I hear them trying new things because THEY wanted to try new things, or they demand their man to do this or that and they actually do it.
It makes me want to crawl into a ball because WHYYY CANT I BRING MYSELF TO DO STUFF LIKE THAT!!!
I’m refraining from having sex so I can solve this issue and work on it, so I can please myself more during sex, and of course the person I’m with 🙂
So any advice on how you improved your sexual confidence, especially in relation to becoming more dominant as a woman would be so much appreciated thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2 comments
There is no magic bullet that will give you confidence. You already know what you want but anxiety and fear are keeping you from doing it. Just like with any fear the only way to overcome it is facing it head on so you can see the terrible thing you think will happen – wont. And if it does – it’s not the end of the world like your brain is suggesting.
You have to accept the following things: that what you want to do is totally normal, that you deserve pleasure on your own terms, that not everyone will enjoy the same things you do, that if someone is not interested in the same type of sex as you it isnt rejection of YOU its just an incompatibility and its no ones fault. If you can truly accept these things that alone should help diminish the anxiety at least a little. Then take baby steps. Talk about your interest in being a bit physically dominant sexually with a partner before doing it. Their buy in and enthusiasm may help easy the anxiety as well. And just take it step by step. Pick a small action you’ve wanted to do and do it. No need to do all of them at once. But once you see that the possible reactions to you wanting to do these things arent as bad as you’re imagining it wont be as scary.
So start by identifying what it is you’re afraid will happen if you assert yourself in the way you’d like.
You could try talking about the things you want to do with/to your partner when you’re not in the middle of sex. Like maybe you’ll be less anxious about it if it’s just part of a casual, non sexy, no pressure conversation about likes/dislikes. I’m submissive in the bedroom (as in Dom/sub), but I used to be shy and anxious about telling partners what I wanted and the things I like. Trust and communication are a huge part of what can turn okay sex into amazing sex.