I guess my question is, is having a lot of guy friends (who I would never do anything with and have never) a deal breaker for most guys? I feel like one of the reasons I’m still single is cause I hang out with mostly guys (like 7) when I go out. I’m in college and we go out like 3 times a week and it’s usually them and my other girl friend, sometimes more girls. I have probably an equal amount of girl friends and guy friends but they just don’t like going out or are busy with school. I have known all of them for more than 2 years and most of them for over 5 years and I only seen them as friends/brothers. Would I have to cut them off if I get a boyfriend or even to have a chance meeting someone? I guess I feel like it wouldn’t be fair.
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Depends on the guy, if he’s got a lotta women friends and/or he’s convinced there’s nothing untoward going on, then he won’t care. If he flatly is against it no matter what, then he can say this isn’t for him and you can say take care.
Again…it depends on the individual
It’s a dealbreaker for myself and a lot of other men. Having said that I wouldn’t cut off friends that I care about to increase my odds in the dating market. It’s not fair but since no one is entitled to dates and a relationship dating doesn’t have to be fair.
most likely you would, yes.
has any of these men ever hit on you?
Maybe, but I’d be worried that one of those guys is just waiting to pounce.
It’s going to hurt your prospects, no doubt about it. I mean, I wouldn’t care personally, I have female friends I hang with sometimes (and it’s caused friction with dates) but people who have been burned by this, or had female friends in their groups and seen it go sexual, or whatever…they’re going to avoid you.
“I would never do anything with”. Ok, cool, but no one is going to know that about you out of the gate. They have to trust, based on nothing, and you’ve already created a situation where they’re going to be left out, while you’re hanging with multiple guys, hoping your words are true.
That’s the hurdle. So, don’t lose your friends over it but be aware that it’s a cause for concern for some guys. Our choices and lifestyle affects our dating prospects, that’s just life.
Don’t date any guy who makes you cut off guys you’ve been friends with for years. That’s them being controlling—no one you date has the right to ask you to cut off your support group, that’s a tactic abusers use. Prove yourself to be loyal and trustworthy and if that’s not enough then it’s not the right guy for you. If you cut off your friends for a guy you date and you break up you’ve lost all your friends,for nothing. Don’t do it.
As a generalization it would be a deal breaker for most guys; call it insecurity, controlling and misogynistic at the end of day the guy’s mind will eventually start playing mind games with. In his head he will see those guy friends as competition, as to which of those guys are trying to get with you and such; you can say you see them as brothers and what not but to him it won’t be that way. But if you like your friends don’t ditch them, just hope you find that one man who doesn’t have guy friend boundaries. Good luck ✌🏾
Yeah
For me,
Lot of guy friends AND lot of girl friends = NOT a deal breaker. I myself have a lot of lady friends along with lot of guy friends
A lot of guy friends BUT next to no lady friends is a HUGE red flag for me. In my experience, such women usually are pure drama. Exceptions exist, but not gonna play my luck here.
The type of guys who would have a problem with it arent the kind of guys you want to date anyway. A relationship built on a foundation of control and mistrust isnt going anywhere good.
It would be pretty darn close to a dealbreaker for me.
Have you dated any of them or hooked up?
Yes
You don’t want to date a guy that’s insecure anyway. My boyfriend never had a problem w the fact that i have guy friends nor do i have a problem with him being friends with girls. It’s a red flag to me if someone doesn’t have friends of the opposite sex.
In a perfect world, your guy would be so secure and not have a problem with it. BUT most guys are not, and that’s because they KNOW that most guy friends would shoot their shot given the chance or in a moment of your weakness. I’m in my 40s and very social so I do have experience with this.
I don’t think you need to cut off guy friends completely, but hanging out one on one and talking all the time on the phone (emotional connection ) is going to be a problem and reinforce the guy secretly liking you. I have “friends” for 10 years and as soon as I left my husband, BOOM they were trying to date me.
IF you do maintain guy friends while in a “committed” relationship, then NEVER EVER EVER discuss your relationship or problems with another man. Crying on his shoulder is disrespectful to your man, and invites the guy to swoop in.
At the risk of sounding like an Andrew Tate Acolyte, women that have an abundance of guy “friends” are definitely a big turn off. Speaking from personal experience, every time I’ve witnessed people try to attempt this, it always ended in disaster. It’s way too easy for a guy to get paranoid and jealous when you’re at the bar getting drunk with a bunch of guys etc. it’s definitely a no-go for me.
It limits your pool significantly. I had a talk with my sister and her friend about this some 30 min ago.
My sister has a lot of genuine guy friends, but I had to tell her that she can’t expect guys to be fine with it.
I know her relations to these guys, she does aswell. The guy she is dating however, he has no idea and I don’t blame him for not betting on her.
Edit: friends from kindergarten, shes 28 now,so a bit different, but still not different
For me yes.
I just joined this sub and after reading the responses on a few posts, I’m frankly wanting to leave right away. No, there’s nothing wrong with having lots of guy friends. I have more female friends than male ones and if a potential girlfriend objected to this, I’d rather throw her out than my friends. Sure, some of them may have a crush on you, but as long as you’re not interested in them – who cares? Believing that platonic friendships between men and woman cannot exist without ulterior motives is honestly a really really stupid take.
If you have zero sexual history with these guys I would not see it as a problem.
For most guys it’s a solid nope. It’s not even worth the risk or effort to try knowing that it’s a huge possibility you have had sex with one of them or at the drop of a hat can. Regardless of you telling a guy they are just friends it will always be in the back of their heads that you are lying cause so many girls do about that. If it was me my boundary and a lot of guys I know would say if we go out together then we are good but going out with them without us a lot is a solid no. Another thing is respect from the guy friends. If they have no respect for your possible relationship they aren’t really that true of friends cause at that point they are just getting in the way.
I wouldn’t consider it a red flag if you have an equal number of guy and girl friends. You’re just a social person.
Yes
Depends on the person. Personally I don’t care, my girlfriend has guy friends who are just friends and I trust her and she’s been 100% honest with me so I have no reason to not trust her.
As long as the guys respect the relationship then I don’t see a problem with it.
I think if you mean will you find a guy while you’re out with guys, typically not. Most likely a guy will assume you’re dating one of the guys.
But overall it depends on how you act around your guy friends, whether or not a potential partner may be jealous.
Not all guys will be scared by it but many will, they will assume your friends have a crush on you and want you. Whatever happens, do not cut off your friends, your guy friends will help keep away controlling insecure guys that will have issues.
It depends. Would you he okay with your boyfriend having girl friends?
Not a deal breaker but much less likely to date if your around them consistently without me
Nope. The right guy(s) will understand you have friends of all people. If he has a problem with it, it’s a red flag for more bullshit he’ll throw
We have no problem with you hanging out with guys it’s the guys you hang out with that we have a problem with how would you like it if we had a group of girls with us who are friends but secretly want to sleep with you or be with you, you definitely wouldn’t like that
Steve Harvey said it best!
men can not be friends with women, we become friends with women because we are sexually attracted to them but the women will friend-zone us. Give a man friend a chance and he will pounce on her like a stripper to a pole.
Half of the battle of fidelity is not creating unnecessary doubt.
Regardless of dating/relationship status, I treat my male and female friends differently for this purpose.
A lot of guys on their 20s are insecure as fuck. So probably yeah. It would be unfortunately.
Don’t give up your friends to date a guy though. You don’t want guys who act like that.
“Me (22f) have a lot of guys waiting in line for my ass while they pretend to be my friend while I’m dating. Is this a deal breaker?”
There ya go. Fixed that for ya.